A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mum and her partner moved in together 6 months ago, I'm going to be honest I've never liked him. This weekend I've spent the weekend at their house and I'm apalled by the way that he treats my brother who is 13 and I'll try and list some examples.My brother was describing to me how he'd scored 3 goals in a football match a week ago and halfway through he interjected and told him to shut the fuck up because no-one cares. This morning at breakfast he asked me if I wanted some toast, I said yes so he told him to make me some toast. He did but he burnt a little bit so I cut it off, he saw this and shouted at my brother is there anything in the fucking world that you can do well other than being a scrote. I was explaining to my brother about earthquakes and tectonic plates (random conversation I know) and he told me not to waste my breath as he's thick as two short planks. He's also had his mobile phone cancelled and my mums partner has taken his laptop for himself to use for his business.I spoke to my brother and he hates him and said that he does all he can to avoid him. Before I left this evening I spoke to my mum about him and told her that I think the way that he speaks and treats my brother is completely unacceptable. She told me that he was just teasing him and that it just sounds bad because he doesn't mince his words. She also claimed he was toughening him up as my brother is over-sensitive and lacking in confidence and that it will do him good and that any feelings my brother has towards him will pass in time. I'm also too protective of him because he's my younger brother and he's a small person in stature (he is less 5ft and probably won't be very tall and I'm over 6ft (I did not know how to respond to this to be honest). He is also apparently a lot more obediant since he moved in (he has never been badly behaved IMO). She also went on to say that no-one has ever made her happier than he has (It was like talking to a brick wall it really was).I feel really depressed,worried and angry at the same time and I'm really worried about him and the effects on him. Our dad is in Thailand and is frankly a waste of space so I don't see how he could help in anyway. I feel like contacting Social services about the whole situation but I don't know if that would potentially do more harm than good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Having grown up with a "step father" (thank god my mother had the decency never to marry the man) who was an idiot I wish I could have had an older sibling to offer some respite from day to say life so if you are able to have your bro stay with you then I would be offering that straight away.
Your mums partner, no matter how she tried to rationalise and sugar coat it, is bullying your brother.
Try speaking to your mum again, as another poster suggested be straight with her and tell her you are going to contact your dad if she doesn't address her partners behaviour and may go further if you hear your brother becomes unhappier.
If your mum doesnt listen and your dad doesnt bother then it would be social services. They can be hit and miss I would seriously consider telling them but I would first ring them - from a phone they won't trace back to - and anonymously ask their advice on how they view the situation. If they agree that his actions are wrong find out their process - the last thing you want is your bro going into foster care miles away and feeling even crapper than he does now but ask if they can enforce your mums partner being removed from the home by talking to your mum. If she heard it from the authorities that this mans behaviour is wrong she will hopefully kick him out herself.
Overall just be there for your brother though and keep in contact with him just to keep his self esteem up. Encourage any interest he shares with you and it will make a difference to him. Best of luck xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): I'd contact your dad and tell him what is happening.I'd contact child services requesting advise and have conversation documented.I'd talk to your mother - tell her not so nicely exactly what you think. This is unacceptable, its abusive and she's picking her partner over her own flesh and blood.I'd have my brother stay with me on weekends if not permanently.I'd be careful to watch for any physical abuse.I'd tell my brother how smart and wonderful he is.I'd yell and snap back at your moms husband if I heard/saw him treat your brother like that.I'd demand his computer be returned to him.What is happening is horrible. The poor kid is being harrased and bullied and abused in his own home. Your mother needs a wake up call. Never pick a man over your own child.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Could you take him? Contact that father of his and tell him what's going on, tell him to start caring and to pay for his son to live with you.
Try talking to social services, ask what help is available, ask for advice.
Has your mother any brothers who might talk to her? She needs a wake up call, but at this stage she is blinded by lurv. Will she contribute to your brother's upkeep if you or another relative take him?
Its a tough situation, and it seems you are the one who is going to do the research and find out what is available.
Good luck to both you and him, I get grumpy when I hear these stories, that man is nothing but a bully!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): "I'm really concerned about the way my mother's boyfriend is treating my younger brother."You should be. Shame on your mother. Not a lawyer, but from my POV two key factors may allow you to step in on his behalf and gain legal standing to represent and protect his interests apart from your mother:1) Your brother is a minor child living with an unrelated legal stranger (not related by blood, marriage, or adoption). 2) You are an adult sibling living outside the home with genuine concerns. Not saying you should immediately seek to remove brother from home, just that your brother needs to someone on whom he can count and depend to be on his side, whether it be you or even court-appointed guardian and litem (short term, generally applies in divorce or suspected abuse, again my thinking is minor living with unrelated adult may be applicable). May even be possible to force bf out of house, I don't know, but your brother should not have to put up with this.Bugs me to no end that your mother and her ilk think the can bring anything attached to a dick into the house and suddenly your brother has to bend to the will of a total stranger, and she not only allows it, she takes bf's side? Unacceptable.I'd suggest contacting a lawyer or legal clinic just to see what your options are before calling social services, your priority should be making sure your brother has an independent adult voice, would say for now best option would be you to gain standing (not custody) and go from there. Your mother is a piece of work, your brother is very fortunate to have an adult sibling in his corner, best of luck.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Verbal abuse does not build confidence, it destroys it. I've never understood how any parent can just sit idly by and allow their "significant other" to abuse their children.
No offense, but your mother has her head up her ass. This isn't going to make your brother tough, it's going to tear him down.....and eventually he will resent your mother for allowing it to happen.
I don't know what you can do, other then be their for your brother to talk to, and when you witness this happening, immediately stand up for him. Since his own mother wont be his ally, he needs to know that someone is.
Also, keep a close watch and make sure the verbal abuse doesn't become physical.
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