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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for 2 almost 3 years. At first we were the best of friends and he'd see me on a daily basis, but for the past few months he's been hang out with his friends a lot and I feel left out at times. I usually get into an argument with him about how he spends so much time with his friends. I sometimes feel like he'd rather be with his friends than with me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (12 January 2006):
 There are two perspectives that I could take on this issue:
1) Let him be. If you don't allow him to spend as much time with his friends as he'd like, then he's just going to resent you and feel like you are too needy and take up too much of his free time. Spend more time with your own friends. Show him that you also have a life outside of your relationship, and that you don't need him around to have a good time. Maybe it will give him a wake-up call.
2) It's important for both of you to have friends outside of this relationship. If you don't, and you spend too much time together (yes, there IS such a thing as too much of a good thing!), then you're going to get bored with each other. Perhaps this is what he is trying to prevent by spending more time with his friends lately.
To get to the bottom of this, try talking to him in the least accusatory, least angry way possible. You want to avoid an argument because once you start arguing, nothing rational is going to come out of your mouths, and you won't be able to see anything from each other's perspectives. Tell him that it makes you feel left out that he doesn't spend as much time with you anymore, and that you are concerned as to what this could mean for your relationship. If he has a reasonable answer, then he'll provide it. If he has no good answer, then he won't have anything to say.
Best of luck.
A
reader, Kated101 +, writes (12 January 2006):
Sometime as relationships develop one or both of the people in the relationship need time to expand their horizons a little. Perhaps he's worried that he doesn't exist outside of a pair anymore and just wants to know that he can still enjoy himself without you by his side 24/7. Don't worry too much about it, just go out with your friends and have a great time. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself and maybe then you may want to go out and spend time with your friends just as much as he does! Just don't dwell! It's good to have a life outside of your relationship. Best of Luck.
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