A
female
age
36-40,
*weetlilpeachx69
writes:my boyfriend of 9 months and the man who i live with accepts the fact i have a son from a previous relationship and doesnt get mad when my sons imprisoned father sends letters but it infuriates me when his ex that lives 10minutes away calls him and he almost always lies about it that is the only thing i have ever caught him lying about should i be concerned and he also gets very voilent when i say anything about askin if she can not call and what we can do to make me feel better
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his ex, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2007):
 That's good news. Just remember, if his actions pick up again, get out of there. You are too important of a person to let someone devalue that importance.
A
female
reader, sweetlilpeachx69 +, writes (27 September 2007):
sweetlilpeachx69 is verified as being by the original poster of the question we talked it out he dont talk to the ex anymore.. and i am proud to say he hasnt hit me since !!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Well if your bf is getting violent for any reason he is a big LOSER. That should be your biggest concern. I say leave him.
On the thing about the ex, well clearly he is hiding something from you. Otherwise he would be honest with you. And if he loved you he would respect your wishes and cut contact with her. I mean you receive letters from your ex because you have a child together, that's understandable. But why does this guy keep in touch with his ex?? He is probably cheating on you.
Regardless, this guy has NO respect for you. NONE whatsoever. So he is capable of anything. Cheating, lying, getting violent, you name it. This guy is trouble. Get out while you can.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 September 2007):
You can make yourself feel better by leaving. If he's getting violent, those behaviors you don't want to be around or your son. If he respected you and the relationship you share, he'd tell the ex goodbye.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (19 September 2007):
Tell him to lay off the ex or hit the road.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): In a committed, good quality relationship where there are children from prior relationships. it is a given that calls/letters/communications will take place from that child's other parent. And usually, the topic of conversation is generally about the well-being of the child. Understandable. But, if your bf is lying about his ex calling and there are no children from this prior union, you do have a right to question him on his behaviors. Is there children with this ex of his? If not, lying usually means he's embarrassed or afraid to be caught at something he is doing wrong. So of course, as a result, you are questioning his covert communications with her. If he is being violent with you when you do question him...then I would think it's time for you to re-assess this relationship. There is absolutely NO love when there is abuse, violence and intimidation. He's using his anger as a weapon, and making you feel like a 'bad' person for questioning his behaviors. So what can you both do to make you feel better. Either intensive couple counseling for both of you where he takes responsibility for his behaviors and makes a mature move to change...or you walk away. And even with counseling...I am not sure he can be healed in a short time. It could take years. Abusive, violent men have a long pattern and history of dealing with stress in an angry, abusive way. They have ingrained patterns in them that goes way back, possibly to what they experienced themselves within their own youth and with their families. Not sure if your bf fits this criteria...but if I were you, I wouldn't wait around until the next time, he gets pissed. Look after yourself and remember, if he's violent with you, he does NOT love you...that is the harsh reality. Be strong and look out for yourself here. Take care
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