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female
,
anonymous
writes: hi i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now and already we have a problem. ive found out that hes been recieving text messages from his ex-gf and then deleting them straight away, and telling me they are from one of his gay mates. to be honest i wouldnt mind him receiving messages from his ex if he told me about them or even let me read them...but instead he reads them and deletes them straight away... i must admit i did look in his 'recieved data' bit in his phone to see if the messages were from her and they were. i confronted him about this and he just sed i shudnt av been looking at his fone...but he also sed that i shudnt have any contact with my ex...so why are there double standards? do u fink he is playing me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 Some people do have possesive ex's. Maybe she keeps txting him, but have you any proof that he has been txting her back. Tell him that if he has nothing to hide to show you the txt's when he receives them. If he refuses to share the txt's with you then threaten to leave him. Remind him that she is an ex for a reason and things are never the same when you go back. Tell him that it is unfair on you and he obviously has no respect for your feelings. I respect you for not contacting your ex to get back at him as two wrongs do not make a right. If this does carry on and he doesn't show you the txt's then leave him. He doesn't deserve you. Good luck
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 Hello Anon,
I think this guy isn't ready for a committed relationship. There is no reason for him to hide the text messages or lie about them if there's nothing going on with him and his ex. If he gets to talk with his ex, then you should be able to talk to yours.
On a seperate level, I had this thought - maybe he doesn't want you to talk to your ex because your ex was particularly nasty toward you or perhaps even abusive on some level? That's the only thing I can come up with to defend his position (I always try to see it from both sides). But that is more than a bit of a stretch. And it doesn't address why he would lie to you about talking with his ex.
And as much as you probably don't want to hear this, you really shouldn't have gone through his phone. Even though you feel you were used and played, it doesn't mean that you should become a sneak. You don't want a bad reputation like this guy, do you?
All that being said, I think this guy isn't worth your time, honestly. Since this relationship is relatively new, I would get out while you can. It's not like you're married or even engaged. Go find someone else who doesn't need to hide things from you.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): A relationship is supposed to be built on truth and trust.
4 months in and he is already lying to you. And, neither do you trust him as you should NOT be going through his mobile phone!
Your relationship does not look like the beginnings of a healthy, happy relationship - at all.
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A
female
reader, bonnismiles +, writes (31 August 2006):
 i think there is one rule for you and not for the other and yes i think he is playing he has no reason to delete them unless there is summun up or if there aint you are right hen he could tell you anyways you soundd like a great gal you can do better anyways take care
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