A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi friends! I just got broken up with by guy I've known for almost 2yrs. We have been together for only about 6mths. I told him I had feelings for him then got the kiss of death email. He wrote this: "I think your sweet too nice and too cool of a chick to make you feel bad but we are in different places and what different things I think it is wise to part ways" Wow that hurt! Ok my feelings scared him away got it. Why couldn't he say he didn't have the same feelings for me? The email makes me feel like I did a horrible thing by being honest. @ the end of the email he said he always appreciates honesty. This hurts because its hard to tell someone you have feelings for them. I feel like he didn't acknowledge my feelings and just gave me the boot with a cliche break up line. What are your opinions on this I will move on of course just confused why he said it this way?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
 I’m adding my voice to the chorus of “he did tell you”.
Six months of dating at your age is not a lot of time… still the honeymoon period… that’s the time when you make the choice about if the person is a good fit or not.
Clearly he liked you as a friend and was willing to test the waters and see if it meshed as more. And clearly he gave it a good try (6 months trying is a good try vs say 6 weeks).
You were honest with him (that’s a good thing and don’t stop being honest with him) and he did the right and honorable thing by ending it with you. Sadly doing it via email sucks but at least he told you.
HE told you: “we are in different places and want different things”
I can see why you like this guy.. he’s open, he’s honest and he’s adult about it.
Your feelings did not scare him. He didn’t say it to hurt you. Just like YOU were honest with him, he was honest with you. He clearly said that he didn’t feel the same way as you feel about him… you’re just NOT listening to what he said.
How do YOU interpret : “we are in different places and want different things”
Why do you feel like you did a horrible thing? How did you want him to acknowledge your feelings that he does not return. Anything he said would have hurt you even more don’t you think?
What if he had said “I appreciate your honesty, and I am flattered by your feelings but “we are in different places and want different things” would that have made it easier or harder… because to me the first part is clearly implied if not actually stated.
I also don’t think it’s a clichéd line. I think a clichéd line would have been “it’s not you it’s me”
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2013):
 He DID tell you, in the "nicest way he could think off" it might have been cliche, but I think he was trying to spare your feelings.
Maybe he went into the relationship thinking that he would grow fonder of you and he felt he hadn't whereas you HAD. So in order to not string you along any further he ended it.
Stop beating yourself up (or him). And move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 But he DID say that he does not have the same feelings from you ! maybe it's you that do not want to hear it...
"We are in different places and we don't want the same things " means EMOTIONALLY. I am sure he did not mean it literally !,like" I live in Brooklyn and you live in Manhattan, and I want chicken for dinner but you want fish "...
He may have not said it in an original way, but I could not even say that this is a cliche', unless in the sense that saying " Good morning " is a cliche'. A cliche' implies a degree of manipulation, the guy says " we are not in the same place " ( in term of feelings ) and "we do not want the same things " ( in term of relationship )- polite but clear . What was he supposed to say ? " Dream on babe, it ain't gonna happen ?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Why the cliche?
Because there's no profound way to tell someone you don't care all that much. To meaningfully declare your indfifference or lack of emotion for someone is a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it? Did you want him to tell him sincerely that he just doesn't feel that strongly about you or something about you irritates him that he can't just get over? Probably, not or you'd be here asking why this man had to be so rude and insensitive when he broke up with you.
He spent 6 months with you, it's not as if he was repulsed, However, it seems he decided he entertained and decided he couldn't see a future with you. He was upfront about it (though I think speaking to you in person may have been a better move). It's a common feeling people have with each other. I have acquaintances I wish I could "break up" with, but I'm not that honest...though I wish I could be at times.
I think what stings you so much isn't his rejection, but perhaps the embarassment that what you thought was a mutual and unique feeling between you two, was in fact not.
Being dumped isn't fun. It tends to makes you feel inadequate and the best thing you can do with the experience is sit out of the game for a while, look it over and think about what you'd like to look for next in a guy and if you'd do anything differently.
Hope you feel better soon.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 well I'm not going to be as mean as cerberus here but I think it is definately a case of "not into you" I had a guy display ALL the signs of being into me including meeting friends, candles, dancing and when i felt comfortable, I was called up and told that he didn't see it going to the next level which in my book is pretty lame since he cooked me breakfast and made plans for later in the week with me on the last day i saw him. He was probably a hunter who didn't want the catch in the end or he is searching for perfection or he realized one day instantly that we were not compatable or he met someone else or an ex came back or blah blah blah. This guy was big on romance but not on getting to know someone. I'll never know what really made him flee but what would it matter. He is gone, MOVE ON
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): "Why couldn't he say he didn't have the same feelings for me?"He did say that OP. OP all break up reasons are coded to be as "nice" as possible. I'm hardly going to tell you that I broke up with you because you're so fat I don't want my friends thinking I like "whale women" and the only reason I got with you is that I had nothing better to do with my time, you were some fun and I liked playing boyfriend and having my ego stroked as I got pleasure from sticking it in you deep because you allowed me to get dirty and do depraved things I'd never imagined being allowed to do to woman. Or that your laugh makes me want to pierce my ear drums with a toothpick before throwing a bag of kittens off of a cliff. Or that you're so horrendous sexually that the thought of getting naked with you makes me feel like I'm going to get sick and that I had to be drunk just to talk to you sexually.Nope, I'll tell you it's not you, it's me. I'm just not in the right place right now for a relationship, you're amazing but I just want to be alone now, I don't feel great about my life and I want to change everything, I don't think it's working out, yada, yada, yada. OP you women love to say you want honesty but you don't. If you wanted honesty you wouldn't ask us if you were fat then call us heartless bastards if we say you are.He was trying to be nice as you no doubt have in the past too. He basically is just not that into you, why you would need him to say that when you know that's what he's saying is beyond me.The cliché lines are the ones people use to be nice. You only tell a person the real reasons when you want to hurt their feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): I think you definatley did the right thing by being honest and I agree that the age you are and the length of time you have been together, his response, especially by e mail is confusing. ? What was he playing at then by still being with someone for six months when he though all that?If I was you, I would not respond at all and maintain your dignity.If anything you have learned you are honest and have good intentions and he obviously isn't. Good Luck
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