A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i kissed a boy 8 months into my 3 year relationship with my bf and i told him the next day and he was very upset and i begged him to take me back so he did and i swore i would never hurt him again like that and i had sex with the same boy about a year later i dont even like him i love my bf so much i dont know why i did it, and didnt tell him and still havent i dont want to loose him. when i said to him "what would you do if i had sex with someoen" he couldnt even explain what he would do he looked at me in descrace for even saying it and sed dont you will wind me up. i love him so much wer best friends and see eachother nerly everyday and his family love me and my family love him, it is killing me everday that i have done this behind his back i cry nearly everynight to myself thinking of what i have done to him.i know what goes around comes around and it will come around sooner or later, and i need to be the one to tell him, should he give me another chance iv blew my 2nd one and now i would do anything for a 3rd one?please help!
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female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 The sooner you tell him the sooner you get it over and done with. I know it's a bad time of year but no time will be good to drop this bombshell. I know this is hard and you've had some harsh answers but it's for his own good and your sanity. You can't carry this guilt around with you and at least when you meet someone new it will be a fresh start for you.
good luck girl, if you need to talk contact me..
Liz
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 December 2007):
 So, anon who posted the message about never telling the boyfriend, are you suggesting you would be happy enough to lie to your boyfriend for the rest of your life about cheating on him? There should be no secrets in a relationship. Certainly not ones as big as that. What if he found out you had been lying to him years later?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Hi,
I have done the same terrible thing as you in the last couple of months, cheated on the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I think it was because we have been together 3 years, just moved in together, and I felt like the romance and passion had gone (we'd been fighting quet often). I had a fling with someone I fancied but had nothing on common with. I was so confused afterwards as I didn't know I was capable of cheating, and infact I think I have hurt myself more than my boyfriend in the process.
The bottom line is, if you want any future with your boyfriend you can't tell him, he'd never trust you again. But you've got to be honest with yourself and know that he is enough for you and that it won't happen again. I know I have learnt from my immature stupidity!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): thanks you everyone. that hit me hard but i need to do this i know i will never do it again i feel to sick i havent eat a thing for 4days, i just hope to god he gives me another chance i know i realy realy realy dont deserv him but i feel like i cnt be without him. and he feels the same untill i tel him what i have done,
should i leave it untill the new year i dont want to rewen his christmas and new year???
thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): hiya its the girl who asked the question! thank you for writing in ansers for me. i know i will have to tell him but i realy do love him with all my heart, id know if i didnt love him i just wouldnt be with him at all full stop. he is my world and i know i love him and i hate myself so much its untrue.
and for the 1st person who wrote to me i think you should tell him just like i am going to, but its the time you tell him and what to say and everything its so hard my mum is my best friend and i havent even told her and i tell her everything i am telling my mum 2night and she will be destroyed because she loves my bf like a son.
please write in!
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (17 December 2007):
I'm very sorry, but I agree with Frizzylizzy.
What you have done is terrible. You show regret now, but why didn't you consider this while you were in bed with the other guy? Surely you didn't want to go through what you went through last time? It doesn't really matter now, because that's exactly where you've put yourself.
I think the fact that he gave you a 2nd chance was very generous, but to give you a 3rd would be ridiculous. And that is without taking into account that it was the same guy as before, and this time you had Sex him. I sincerely hope that for the good of this guys self-respect and manhood he walks away from you. He doesn't deserve to be with somebody who treats him so disrespectfully.
Sorry to sound harsh. I'm not doing this purely to come down hard on you, more to illustrate the point that this is something you should learn from. The next time you are with a guy, NEVER do this again. Try and have a good think about how you are feeling right now, and in future, if you even consider trying it on with another guy while you have a boyfriend, think back to how you felt after reading my words.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): i know how u feel becase im in the same kind of position you probz feel as if you cant carry on with it over your head but are scared to tell him.. well ive done something similar and dont know wether to tell him.. every so often he accuses me of cheating and because i have that over me i go really quiet and dont know wat 2 say which makes him more suspicios help!!!
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy +, writes (17 December 2007):
How can you say you love him when you have done the worst thing you can do in a relationship. He deserves to be told and you deserve what ever happens after that. I'm sorry if i'm being harsh but your whole relationship is a lie and you need to tell your boyfriend the truth, the truth always comes out in the end and your boyfriend deserves a girlfriend who "really " loves him and will not cheat on him.
I know this won't make you feel better you need to do whats right for your boyfriend. Cheating is a terrible betrayal and very hard to over come.
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