A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have my own apartment and my boyfriend keeps telling me he wants to move in with me. i love that he wants to and honestly cannot wait considering we have been together for 3 1/2 years. but the second i didnt pick him up (he doesnt have a car) when he wanted me to for him to move in he freaks out and tells me he doesnt want to move in anymore. but eventually says he still wants to live with me. He's done that a few times now but in different situations. why is he threatening that he wont live with me? Does he really want to? or is it just to get what he wants. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, alternaterealities +, writes (24 November 2010):
 It's obvious that you want to live with him. Not a doubt in your mind about. You're concerned about why he's playing this game... Oh wait, yes, he's playing a game and isn't sharing in your certainty. You know the answer, it's just not one you want to hear. His level of commitment isn't there. Living together is a bigger deal than most people think and don't take it as seriously as they should. You need to take the offer of moving in off the table completely. Let him know you care and love him, but you know he's not ready to take that step. After 3.5 years you might need to start asking him where he wants the relationship to go. I was at the stage, but the one shying away from living with my boyfriend (also same amount of time.) For me it was fear of repeating a past mistake, not because I didn't love him. But it was also deep down inside I knew that love wasn't really enough too. ASk the hard questions even if it hurts, because if you don't, it might hurt more later.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 November 2010):
This is emotional blackmail, and doesn't paint a pretty picture of what your relationship is, or what it will become. He is either very insecure, or just after getting his own way. Whatever the reason, you can't sit there for the rest of your life running around after him, and hearing him play the emotional blackmail card every time you can't do something. That's not how a relationship works. Relationships work on compromise. If you can give a lift one day, but not another, he can't suddenly change from moving in with you to not moving in.
I'd have a sit down alone first, and really decide whether this is the guy you want in your life. At 18-21, you still have a lot of time to find a guy who is more secure and independent. Don't be afraid to go and find someone else. Don't settle for someone who can't offer you a secure relationship. If you do decide to stay, then talk to him and explain that you won't be held to ransom or emotionally blackmailed in this way, and that it needs to stop. And if nothing changes, end it.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 November 2010):
Is he insecure about something. My guess is that he me knows you really want him to move in with you and when something happens where he is feeling rejected, he uses the living situation as a way to gain power over you. You need to talk to him about why he does this and how it makes you feel.
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