A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently met this guy through mutual friends during a dinner. That same night he invited my friends and me to a party..that we decided to attend. Both me and this guy hit it off..we danced the night away, talking, getting to know each other, etc. Eventually he brought me home and kissed me good night. He texted me the next day just to follow up and see if I enjoyed myself (we exchanged numbers during the party). We texted for a little bit and after that I didn't hear from him for several days. Well, today, I decided to text him and see how his day was going..we texted for quite some time (we both are in college) and eventually stopped due to the fact that he had a lot of work to do. Later on into the night he texted me again, much more interested and talkative, he admitted to me he was busy earlier and was sorry for being so distracted and cutting the conversation short. We began talking and eventually he asked me to come over for a movie..the problem is I had made plans earlier with a guy friend (JUST a friend) to hang out and have a couple of drinks with his friends...I brought a roommate along. As it turned out, I decided to lie to this special guy and tell him that I had work early as to not hurt his feelings. He responded saying it was a shame because he had wanted to see me but that he could take a rain check. My roommate and I were finally in the clear and went over my other GUY friend's apartment for drinks. When we arrived there I received a text saying that the special guy knew I was there... I felt TERRIBLE. I couldn't understand how he knew..but apparently the GUY friend that I was visiting had a roommate that was mutual friends with my special guy..somehow the information got to him that I was at the apartment. I apologized several times with no response from the special guy...saying that it was wrong of me to do that I felt that I did not want to give him the wrong impression and I decided to lie but that I felt terrible that I did truly want to see him only that I had made the plans earlier to have drinks and felt that telling him would have scared/pushed him away. I made it evident that my roommate was there with me and that it was nothing more but a hangout. The special guy never responded and now I don't know what to do. I will wait for a response tomorrow. I told him that I am still looking forward to hanging out and that I will be waiting to hear from him and that I was sorry. What should be my next move? Did I do enough? My friends say I went out on a limb? Maybe I overreacted and it was him who needs to lay back a bit? Some serious feedback would be greatly appreciated..thank you.Yours,Unlucky
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I can see this from both points of view. I can understand why you lied to the special guy. You did not want him to get the wrong impression, and was trying to protect him. Yet he probably thinks it is suspicious that you did not tell him where you really was going. And he may be worried that you will tell lies about other things.
Oh dear! To be honest, I think it would have been better to be honest with him. If he had reacted badly, that would have been HIS problem, and you would have known that he may be a bit possessive and/or jealous. But it is done now, and I DO understand the way you was thinking.
I think you have done as much as you can here, and now you should just leave him and see what happens. Give him space to think about this, and see if he contacts you. Hopefully, he will get over this, and you will both be able to put it behind you. And then agree to be upfront with one another in the future. If he doesn't respond to you...it obviously wasn't meant to be. But try not to beat yourself up over this. It's not like you have done something awful. You were trying to protect his feelings, and did what you thought was right. So just wait and see now. I hope things work out well for you.
A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 You did a very bad thing to lie and probably that made him lose trust in you.
If i were in his shoes,i would probably do the same thing because lies are not good.
A healthy relationship should be built on honesty trust and telling a lie doesn't help you that much.
If i had a plan to hang out with the boys or the girls and that SPECIAL person invited me to spend some time together,i would tell the boys/ girls that i can't make it so that i can spend time withe the SPECIAL one.
A drink with friends should not be more important than a movie with that SPECIAL person.
Unless when i don't know what i want.
Send him one more text and tell him you are sorry,you made a mistake and it shall not happen again and that you would love to make it up to him.
After that,just lay back and wait for his response and don't push it because men don't like being pushed around.
Wounds take time to heal and since he is wounded,he'll need some time to recover.
Next time set your priorities right my dear.
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A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I don't think there's any more you can do right now but wait to see if he'll respond. It's unfortunate you felt you had to lie about something so trivial. You could have just told him point blank you already had plans. Nothing else was his business. Plus, him wanting you to come over for a movie was last minute. He couldn't be too upset about the truth for that reason. I hope this isn't a doomed situation, maybe he'll get over it in a couple of days. Good luck hun.
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