A
female
age
41-50,
*ephertite
writes:I have been in a Long Distance Relationship.. for about 2 years now. It's a strange relationship because, I lied..when it began (we met online) I only talked to him to kill boredom. I thought I could shrug him off. Which I did, but he kept coming back and he was fun.. funny and absolutely like the male version of me in terms of nature and humour and we got along like best of friends.(this was jsut in 3 days) Then he saw my tiny picture on msn and thought I was beautiful. But he made it clear that he liked more skinnier women. I was not your typical skinny woman. Had more curves and flesh. My friend said it was not a relationship..so why bother telling the truth and she sent a picture of herself. She's gorgeous and skinny. Sure I did not want to.. but then I did nto think it wiuld go anywhere. HE fell in love with her picture. I told myself ok whatever he'd never love me. Cut it .. end the relationship. But..I could not help it. I continued to talk to him. He wanted more pics I sent more of her pics. It went on for a long long time. I felt so sad I could nto reveal myself to him. He seemed to love my heart and soul why won't he like me? So one day I got a web cam and I decided.. I'd slowly let it slip.. but one day he video called and I forgot to close the cap on my cam.. he saw me for me. He was really sweet about it. But, it was not for long. He said he din mean to but he insulted me.. said i was beautiful, but not his type. I used ask him qns like What if i were osmeone else? wld u love me? he'd say all he loved was my heart and soul - that there's only another woman as sweet as me and that it was his mum. But no.. he started treating me badly. HE said he loved me but din show it. Now sionce the beginning he said he loved me first.. I took a long time to say it back. But i always listened to him bought him things sent him care packages.. bent over backwards to do thigns for him. He was equalyl sweet. Listened to me.. loved me so much and it all jsut came to a halt. Wanted me there... wanted "cyber sex" - but more visual cuz of the web cam.. wanted everything... but he was not around. He left for a trip with his friends and said he wanted to get away fromt eh relationship. He said he can't show me off to his friends cuz i'm not good enough. But that I had a beautiful face and heart. I really am hurting. Wanting his attention. He gets it from me still says he's sorry for hurting me... but does nto respect me. But I can't stay away. I really can't. I have been trying to be nonchalant lately. I don't appear on cam. Give him the I'm too cool to care attitude.. but it's so hard. I cry every day. I feel so angry and depressed. I love him.. more than I can explain. Last nigth I pretended to go to bed.. he was on cam and he kept sighing (cuz I ignored him) and mouthed that I am beautiful.. and sighed some mroe. I stopepd saying I love u for a month now.. he still says it. But I find it so hard. Is he coming back to me? Am I playing my cards right? I read why men love bitches and I am trying the methods. But how do I stay away from him? How do I suck it up and not tell him I love him? How do I not tell him it hurts that he ignores me and chooses to play games? I wish I was stronger. I wish I was a different person. I'm hurt.. tired and I want to be loved. I have a good heart an dI'd do anythign for him... but he is superficial and I'm nothign to him but..company... cna I change that? Can make him see my worth?
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depressed, fell in love, long distance, met online, msn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 He may have fallen in love with your personality, but you lied to him for a long time about something that is VERY important when it comes to online dating. It's important to have a sense of the person you're talking to, and yes, that includes their appearance.
Everyone has different tastes in men/women. He told you from the beginning he was into smaller women, and it's not his fault that he doesn't find you as attractive as your friend's picture. That rests squarely on your shoulders.
My advice is to stop trying to act like a bitch, or w/e you think would be most effective. Be yourself. He's either going to like you for you, or he's not. He has a right to be angry and upset about your deception. Eventually you will get your answer, but until then, be genuine !
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 You lied to him.
you betrayed his trust
in addition you can't make him change his taste in women and kudos to him for being honest about the fact that he loves your brain but not your body...
if you have not met face to face after two years, this is an internet friendship nothing more....
you can't make him love you
you can't make him see your worth
you can't change his taste in women
you're HURT but YOU LIED
he is NOT superficial. he has a specific taste in women... that's being honest that is all.
what you need to do is find a man who has a specific taste in women but that favors your type...
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 June 2012):
Using a fake picture of someone who looks entirely different from you is a big violation of trust and basically compromises an already shaky foundation (long distance always is.) You can't blame the guy for being disappointed when he found out the face he associated those messages to for two years was not real. If you wanted him to accept the real you you should have put out the real you from the start.
If someone would do that to me I'd wonder if any of our communication had truth to it. I would probably end things immediately because if a person could lie about that they could lie about anything. Turn it around. What if you had been the honest one and he had lied about his appearance in a big way? At least your bf was sweet about it. But in the end he couldn't lie. The whole deal about you not being good enough to show off to his friends is immature, but so is you talking about "men love bitches." You're in your mid twenties now, not a teen. Time to grow up.
Listen, you might as well end this right now. If you are crying every night over someone you have never even met in real life, it's time to get away from the computer. Also, if you are so unhappy with the way you look you had to use someone else's picture you should do something about it. If you're overweight, go on a diet and exercise. This will also clear up any skin problems you may suffer from and overall make you feel more upbeat and vibrant.
You are talking about how superficial he is, but you're no better than him by using another girl's picture and claim it as your own. Work on your self esteem, your body, your health and then put yourself back onto the playing field.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Erm, where have you read that men love bitches? I for one, hate bitches.
For starters, how far away do you two live?
You lied to this guy, in a big way. Thats a serious violation of trust, so he has a right to be angry. What if you two guys decided to meet and the first time you saw him, he was some hugely overweight, balding man with terrible body odour, which 'surprisingly' didn't match his msn picture? How would you feel? Upset? Pissed off? angry? Let down?
Well that's how he's feeling. I think the majority of LDRs don't work simply because they lack the physical intimacy of a normal relationship. It's clear that his opinion of you has changed since he's found out the truth and if he doesn't choose to accept you for who you are, then what more can you do?
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