A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right okay so im 18 seeing a guy for 6 months who's 27. We've recently began getting serious and he said he loves me the other day which felt nice and natural so i replied. That isnt the problem.. theres certain things within our relationship that make me unhappy. For example he enjoys anal ive tried it just with him and hate it, i refuse to do it but feel like im not satisfying him fully so i allow him to do it with other women. Now i know it sounds stupid. It makes me feel like crap. I've spoken to him and he said i satisfy him but i feel i dont and i dont think its fair on him to give up something he enjoys. So what do i do? I have real feelings for him. He's lovely to me. I never wanted to be this girl. We've even began to get serious and talk about our 5 year plan marriage and kids. So i need advice so i stay with him allowing it? or call it quits if its best? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (15 September 2010):
Honey, I think you are the only one with real feelings and you are wasting both time and energy with him. Sexual compatibilty is very important and he's just as entitled to the kind of sex he wants as you are as long as his partnr(s) are willing participants. You've tried it, don't like it and therefore you shouldn't have to do anything you don't like. However, in a relationship that doesn't give the other person carte blanche to satify those desires elsewhere. Since he took you up on the offer to seek those pleasures elswhere and he accepted your proposal speaks volumes of his lack of regard for you and this supposed relationship. You are in a relationship with a fantasy because this guy clearly isn't in a relationship with you.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Your biggest mistake is allowing him to have anal with other girls, thats not very smart of u..And you can forget about the 5yr plan because if he really loved u he would respect your decision not to have anal bc it hurts and its not something u enjoy.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Quit this relationship. some people can have open relationships but both partners have to be willing about feel good about the situation... you obviously don't feel good about it.
Plus in order for a really strong relationship i believe the couple has to be sexually compatable... clearly you 2 are not.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 If he is that selfish that he'll go have anal sex with other women because you won't, then there might not be much of a relationship there. The fact that he cares so much about anal sex that he's willing to cheat (well not cheat if you give him permission I guess) to get it says quite a bit about his character, mostly that he cares more about his penis and sexual desires than your feelings. To even threaten something along the lines of, well if you won't give me anal, something you hate and won't do, then I'll have to get it somewhere else is quite cruel. You shouldn't be forced into doing something you don't want to keep your partner from cheating. I would reconsider this relationship.
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A
female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (1 August 2010):
What if YOU wanted to give him anal sex and he didn't enjoy it?Please be careful as anal sex is very risky.You have better chances of getting infected with HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. If you use a condom, it's easier to break it with anal penetration. Because anal sex can cause tears on your anal walls and you can bleed, you're more at risks to get infected or infect your partner.If your guy is having anal sex with multiple partners, he is increasing his risk of being infected and of infecting YOU.Please be careful!He is not being a good boyfriend to you.Dump this selfish guy.
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A
male
reader, werther  +, writes (1 August 2010):
i agree with the second part of jmc930, especially about NOT overlooking sexual differences
also
some people are ok with having an open relationship/marrige but you say you feel like crap, listen to yourself....
he says he is satisfied with you, maybe you don´t need to have an open realationship....
and furthermore
6 months is a short time to get into a relation and analsex,
in a few months you might feel that you know him even better and trust him even more, and we all change and if you try again it might be different but it also might not( you know that)
you know your boundaries don´t let anyone step over them...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): kids are possible with anal sex?? No!!!!
guys want to have anal sex because its a basic instinct created by god on man when he watches a dog or sheep having intercourse from behind, it looked to man like it was going inside anus.. he tried and since the hole is very tight he likes it...
pussy size increases upon much sexual activity, but anus remains same size all life.. but anal sex should be greatly avoided for all causes..
1. it gives unwanted pain to woman
2. it is not pleasurable to her..
3. it can cause serious infections..
4. it can make feel woman like being a whore..
if a woman has some self respect she will not allow man to make her just a small tight hole..
my suggession is to ask him about why is he so much excited to anal fuck you.. will it give you two kids??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): You allow him to cheat on you with other women, and it makes you feel like crap? That means you don't really WANT him to have anal sex with other women, and participating in ANY sexual act or emotional act with someone else means he's cheating. If he's so lovely to you, he wouldn't cheat on you just to satiate his sexual desires.
If you don't like anal, you don't have to do it. If he doesn't like that you won't have anal sex with him, then you certainly deserve someone better. Frequently people overlook sexual differences because they feel their personalities and goals go well together. What they forget is that sex is a big part of a relationship, and if someone isn't satisfied, the relationship won't be as healthy and happy as it could be.
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