A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 19 (I am 24 now) I knowingly had an emotional affair with a married man. He told me upfront he was married (we met online) and that he didn't love his wife. I told him I didn't care that he had a wife and that I just wanted the company. So there started a four month affair in which we texed, called, emailed and MSN-ed each other a lot. It stopped when I met my real life boyfriend and we started to date. I never thought about the married man at all and everything was fine. Now I am engaged and everything is going great... but now I feel guilty. I keep thinking of the married man and what I did and feel SO GUILTY. At the time I thought it was the wifes fault for not looking after her man and allowing him to stray but after having a serious relationship of my own I see that this is not the case. I feel so terrible and now its got to a point where I think about it all the time. I wish I could go back and undo what I did. I don't know if the married man's wife found out but if she did I can only imagine her hurt. I feel terrible and I just don't know what to do. Give me advice, tell me off, do something as I cannot bear to carry this guilt any longer.
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (1 August 2010):
It was a few years ago now and although you say it was an ''emotional'' affair, i really dont think you should worry about this. You didnt even meet each other so there really could be alot about him you dont know. He could have been talking to other girls aswell. It really doesnt matter. Get over it, move on and enjoy your life. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): comeon man, theres nothing there like cheating... lol...
when i married my wife , i asked her chat friends and she told about her, and i told her about mine... than we chatted together in yahoo messenger in public chatroom like strangers...
why cant others do like that?? in a healthy relationship there is no secret, or otherwise its not a couple.. couple needs to be one mentally, physically and they should share all their secrets...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): You know you made a mistake, so no one needs to tell you that. Everyone does things they regret, and unfortunately yours is a big one. Now that you're engaged, you've probably been thinking about what it'd be like if your future husband had an emotional affair, because now you're in a position where that's a possibility, yes?
I'd say the best thing for you to do here is to seek counseling before your marriage. A therapist can help you sort everything out. One technique that I've used to help let go of things is letter-writing. Write a letter to that man or to his wife, explaining your feelings. Then throw it away/burn it/shred it. (The big part of this is not sending it.) Writing things down simply helps process your feelings and can help you gain a better understanding of why you feel something, particularly strong emotions.
I know it's easier said than done, but reminding yourself that you can't change the past, taking deep breaths and rationalizing this particular regret will help you move on from it. Hindsight is 20/20, you know?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): You learnt your lesson as you now know how you would feel if a woman like you came along and was after your boyfriend. All I can say is, if it wasn't you then it would have been another girl.
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