A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been texting this guy off and on for the past 5-6 months. We’ve met and hooked up a few times. He will text me every morning, “Good morning beautiful, sexy etc” and we have conversations through out the day up into the evenings. But we go weeks/months without seeing each other and it is very frustrating for me. I don’t understand it and honestly it hurts my self esteem. In the beginning we agreed to be exclusive, though not technically in a relationship and to just be upfront with each other if we did start seeing other people. I’ve flat out asked what the problem is and he always says it isn’t me. But I can’t figure out why he doesn’t want to see me in person. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve had people tell me he’s using me, but seriously we’ve not had sex that many times for it to be worth stringing me along for this long. I care about him quite a bit and I just don’t understand it. We make plans and he cancels with an excuse or no explanation at all. Or he fails to follow through. I know in my heart that if he wanted to see me, he would. I’m smart enough to know that. I’m trying to cut ties and I started seeing someone else and it hurt him, which bothered me so I quit. We were supposed to finally meet up and he cancelled 3 times and failed to follow through. I’m so tired of having my heart broken over this guy. He won’t let me go, yet he doesn’t want to see me. I don’t get it? And insight?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (18 February 2019):
 Truth is, you are not ready to let him go. Your heart is not ready even though your mind knows you should let him go. Quite complicated.Well, let's look at the facts. Fact #1 is that he does not want to be in a relationship with you. He doesn't even want to go out on a normal date with you. He only wants the occasional texts and sex. He doesn't want anything committed or serious with you.You have options - accept that you both are Friends With Benefit relationship where he will text and only meet up for sex. If you accept this, you need to be VERY OPEN about it, and only treat him as a sex partner with no feelings/emotions attached.Your second option is to cut him off completely and look for someone who is there and can commit to you.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 February 2019):
 What do you mean ‘trying’ to cut ties?
Block him. Ties cut. Simple.
If you’ve only seen each other a few times how are you even getting attached? He flakes out constantly yet you still like him. How exactly? He’s a waste of time and space and YOU are letting him treat you that way.
It really is as simple as blocking him and moving on with your life. People who want to be in your life will be. You said you’re smart enough to know that so why don’t you start acting like it?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 February 2019):
 Do you know what I don't get? How you say you are smart enough to know that, if he really wanted to see you, he would, yet you cannot see that he only has the hold over you that YOU allow.
He won't let you go? Has he handcuffed you or caged you? It is YOUR CHOICE to stay in contact and keep hoping. He has stood you up so many times yet you keep believing things will work out.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Does that sound familiar?
Why he acts in this way is anybody's guess. He could be in another relationship. He could suffer from social anxiety of some sort. He could be playing you and other women at the same time to keep his options open. The reason is not really important as he refuses to share it with you. What IS important is that you ALLOW him to keep hurting you over and over. Why do you not think you are worth better?
Do yourself a favour. Cut contact completely. Block him so he can't contact you and move on with your life. You've wasted enough time on him. Don't waste any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2019): Simple, let him go. Let's face it you will have a cheaper phone bill, more time in 'real time, life' a regular jump partner, some physical entity that actually turns up for a date..and above all, that annoying morning creep call, how would that plonker know you look sexy or gorgeous every morning when he is never at your side.
My advice is switch him off and have a real relationship.
and get out into real life.
Wakey! wakey!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2019): He's keeping his foot in the door, and reminding you he's still around for the purpose of booty-calls. He knows sooner or later you'll miss him enough to let yourself be vulnerable.
Keeping your mind fresh of his absence; while wearing-away at your will. Old player's tactic. Sweet-talk and flattery.
He let you go alright; he's just not passing-up future opportunities for sex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2019):
 I don't believe that HE won't let you go. YOU won't let HIM go. Because you like him.. Not sure WHAT in the World it is you like about him, the cancelling on you? That not really want to spend time with you in person? The not really wanting to be in a relationship with you?
He sounds like a winner! No, I mean wiener!
DO yourself a favor. IF you would like a SERIOUS grown up relationship, wish him well, tell him you are done and then BLOCK his number and consider CHANGING your own number as well. And BLOCK him from ALL apps and social media. You really don't need to give him ACCESS to you.
He wasn't really hurt that you started to see someone else, he just didn't LIKE that you did it. He wants YOU to be at HIS beck and call only. Whatever you want or expect from him or the "thing" you got going on.. he doesn't give a single F.
He is using you. Not for sex but as a back up. If case he has nothing else going on and for the attention YOU pay to him. But you don't mean much to him at all. Why do I say that? Because IF you meant something he would WANT to spend time with you. Texting you every morning is NOT making squat-all effort. Calling you sexy and beautiful doesn't mean squat-all either. He just knows it makes you not BLOCK him and NOT dump him.
He makes JUST enough effort to keep stringing you along and giving you "hope" that maybe someday he will actually want to be with you. But reality, and you NEED a reality-check here... is that he isn't IN to you enough to spend time with you.
You already know this but you think you can "change" him by loving him or bending over backwards. It's not going to work.
SET yourself free. Find a guy who WANTS to spend time with you. Someone who actually gives a HOOT about you.
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