A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been happily engaged to my fiancee for 3 years now. Both of us previously being married, neither one of us are in a rush. We have too much on our plate, children, education, career, aging parents right now to deal with. Although, he is definitely ready today if I said C'mon hunny lets go down to the JOP!!We have been together a total of 6 years. The first two years were rocky! Him clubbing, girls, drinking, not committing, boys night outs, etc.. Until finally one day I told him to go take an effin flying leap as I through all his clothes onto the grass....Yes, he was an ass, jerk, player, etc. His exwife cheated on him several times and she was his high school sweetheart. When she left him for another young man he went nuts!From that day of me throwing him out he has done a complete turn around. But what he does is I guess I need to know if this is typical. He has never left my side accept to go to work! In the last 4years he has never gone out without me. He tells everyone that if they want him to go out then I come too and I don't demand this, this is all him. He has not taken a drink in 4 years either. Is this a little extreme? I mean, do you think he is secretly having feelings that he might want to cheat but doesn't want to get tempted? If so is this normal? It has gotten to the point where I feel guilty to have a drink and I won't have one. He doesn't stop me, but I just feel I shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I love that he wants us to be together and I don't feel smothered at all! Matter of fact I never have a better time with anyone else more than him and I know he feels the same way.I think what bothers me is lets just say one day he does go out with one of his brothers or friends and I don't come along will something happen? Do I treat this like an addict? Don't put temptation there and is this okay. I'm sorry I don't know really where I'm going with this. I'm not leaving him and have no intentions. I love him to death, but I'm just curious on how someone else might perceive this one...Thanks for any input...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Thank you for your response guys! You are right, yes I do have some trust issues Mr. Artfuldodger! I know I do, but at least I try to hide it, because I love him and I know he is trying hard to keep me happy. But I have to tell you its not easy when you are with an extremely good looking person. You see in the past everytime he went out, yes everytime! He would end up getting some girls number at the end of the night. He was drunk and would carelessly leave phone numbers around or these girls would call him and then I would answer!! So my past with him is really rough. Why I put up with it is beyond me. Not to put a feather in my cap but I'm very good looking too. But I believe I carry low self-esteem or else I would have gotten rid of him in the beginning. But I didn't and so here we are now 6 years into this relationship. Happy yes. Do I fear he'll be tempted? Yes. But you know the both of you (mr. caringGuy) said I should encourage him to go out. I think I will. I'm afraid too, but let's see where this goes right? He either screws up again, and I leave him for good or everything will turn out okay. I hoping for the latter!! Thanks again...
A
male
reader, Artfuldodger +, writes (23 September 2009):
I think he is an insecure person, who is afraid of getting hurt.
I also think you are not honest here.
First thing first, his ex girlfriend cheated oh him and dumped him, and that resulted in a mild depression, so when you threatened to leave him, obviously that brought back all the memories of hurt and heartbreak, and obviously he never wants to experience that. So he is basically taking all the necessary steps to make sure you are happy and you never leave him.
my second point, about you not being honest. I think you might not realize yourself that you may uncosciously be giving him emotional guilt every time he leaves you. or Maybe when you were actually about to throw him out, you may have said something, which still hurts him? You have to ask yourself if you encourage him to go out with his friends, and brother? Do you say negative things about them to him? do you insult him when they come over?
its obvious to me that you have a little trust issue by your original question, since you're question was not about his wellbeing but rather if he is planning on cheating on you or not!. This tells me that even after 4 years of him not doing anything with anyone besides you, you still don't completey trust him. Obviously he still feels this distrust from you, and thats why he is reluctant to leave your side.
unfortunately you have to look at yourself, besides him, to find reasoning for his behavior. Maybe you need to tweek your behavior a little bit to give him freedom to be your own person. Otherwise you may find that after a while, he may take extreme actions to get his freedom back.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 September 2009):
You did the right thing by throwing him out when you did. Now though, he has changed. I think it's more likely that he's scared you'll think something is happening, so he's taking you along so you don't throw him out again. He does actually love you, he's just worried you'll end it. The best thing you can do is make sure you do go out by yourself, so you have your own time. Maybe sometimes jsut say you have something else planned when he wants you to do something, so he goes by himself. x
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