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female
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*ubblychick83
writes: Hi i have been dating my boyfriend who is 20 (i am 22) for nearly 7 months and the last month has not been good. We both love each other but i feel he takes me for granted and i do a lot more for him than he does for me, for example always cookin him dinner, buyin him little things when i know he is broke and always consider him when making descions etc. he always seems more interested in his job and football than me. Plus he rarely complitments me anymore and talks about his job all the time. I can understand he wants a good job and money but im startin to feel neglected and when i try to discuss these feelins of resentment he gets funy and we have an argument then i end up cryin and he feels that he doesnt make me happy anymore. But yet he doesnt see that he is doing anything to upset me and that i should chill out. If it was me and i knew i was makin him unhappy i would try my best to find out why and see if i could change the way i say things or do things but he just takes things wrong way when i try to discuss things with him. Please help me to sort my relationship out ill try anything.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): I want to remain anonymous because right now, I am more angry with myself than with my boyfriend. I know that I am the one who LETS him treat me this way. Your problem sounds like a page out of my life and you won't believe my stupidity, I'm actually trying to make a long-distance relationship work, under the exact same circumstances that you are going through. Birthdays, Valentines Day, blah, blah.. I'm on the net, checking up for a way to send him a great gift that would touch him. But he always is broke on these occasions. Never mind that he's had a great time over the previous weekend partying with friends. Never mind that he always has enough money to go for concerts and football matches. But he never has the money to send me one lousy gift. The last sentence in your post, really made me nod in agreement, because I noticed the same thing. Everytime he is in a bad mood, he makes a big deal about something very normal I have said and uses it as an excuse to just take off on me (when we talk or when we email each other). And yes, if I try to talk about it, he tells me that he has no idea how to make me happy, because I always seem to find fault with him. Worse, I don't talk about petty things like gifts. All I want him to do is to update me about his life and include me by sharing what goes on, good or bad. But obviously, he has a great circle of friends who he can do all the nice talk with. Where I am concerned, I'm just his sounding board and his shoulder to cry on, when things are not going right in his life. Initially I thought that maybe I was doing too many wrong things. I was being jealous and insecure over other women friends etc. But then I suddenly woke up to the realization that he was also doing a lot of wrong things and never admiting to them. And I was constantly apologising for upsetting him. Even worse, he always said he understood what upset me and he wouldn't do it again, only to repeat it the very next week. Why is a lot of this rambling anger I am expressing, in the past tense? Well a few days ago, I decided to just give it a rest. We fought, I yelled,he yelled, he got rude, I hung up. It's tempting to call him and apologise. But I agree with one of the comments above. This time I am going to stay away. And if he really wants me, he will try and make an effort to understand. If he never actually loved me and I was only a convenience girlfriend, he's going to slip away, whether I give in now or not. So stay strong. Believe in yourself. First and foremost make yourself happy, before thinking of making him happy and most of all, don't always blame yourself and wonder what you are doing wrong. Chances are very high that you will soon begin to blame yourself even for his faults. I hope my two bits helps you. I hope it helps me. All the best.
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female
reader, bubblychick83 +, writes (2 February 2006):
bubblychick83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot some really good comments there. i had a good talk yesterday and he seemed to listen this time i think it has something to do with the fact he has never had a serious relationship so has always been independant and done as he wants but he said he will make more of an effort. If he doesnt then his loss!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): hi ! I have the same problem with my boyfrind,Dennis. i have been dating him for 10 months . I love him but his job seems to be everything to him and i feel like i dont have a role in this relationship.I really need somone to talkto about this so if you wanted to talk about it , im here. Also I might ad that when he gets mad at life or work he finds a reason to be mad at me . im upset over this.
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female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (1 February 2006):
 wow, this sounds a lot like the last month of my past relationship, yep that's right he sounds like my ex! I also felt like he was neglecting me, and i did exactly what you do, buy him little things becuz he was trying to save up, i treated him to movies, and all that. And he never did any of that for me, well maybe once on a blue moon. But if you say you try to talk to him about it and he gets 'funny' then there's a problem. No one should treat someone's feelings like they're not imporant. Try talking to him one last time and tell him everything! Tell him that you really need to get this out of your system and you really want him to listen to you and not argue about it. Tell him that you feel neglected and that it hurts you that he's taking you for granted. If he really cares about you he will try to change and make you happier. If he again argues or doesn't agree with you then maybe you should tell him you need some space. If you give eachother space maybe he'll see how good he had it with you and realize he was taking you for granted, and if you give him space and he doesn't realize anything then you should move on hun. You seem like a really nice girl to do those things for him and if he can't appreciate that then he doesn't deserve you. I'm positive there will be someone out there who will appreciate everything you do and who will even do those nice things for you too! Good luck.
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female
reader, lori +, writes (1 February 2006):
this weekend i want you to set the scene white sheets on the bed massage oil ready chocolate dipped strawberrys sexy underwear and low candle light and watch him sit up and beg he will want you because he will be relaxed he will give you the attention you crave and while he is at work in the week it will bring a smile to his face and the excitement will be back in your lifes and believe me football and work will be the last thing on his mind sometimes relationships become a habit of doing the same old thing you need to spice it up woman are better at doing this than men hope this helps
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