A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Where do I draw the line?My boyfriend is constantly struggling with his ability to trust people, and unfortunately that is taken out a lot on me. I have never been unfaithful and I have never lied to him - so please do not comment that I am possibly doing something to raise his antennae - I am not even allowed to walk to the trashroom by myself bc I "might see some guy" (?!?!). I do not speak to other people at work because it would make him upset. He hasn't had a job in over a year and it's taken it's toll on his esteem. I do not keep in touch with my old friends because he thinks they like me - the concept of a platonic friendship with the opposite sex is unheard of - unless is one of HIS female friends, then I am "crazy" for thinking he's been with them because of what he's said to me.I work full time and am studying for my Masters degree part time. Unfortunately that makes Monday nights very tough for him, I do not get home until almost midnight. Yesterday was perfect, following a wonderful weekend. But in my second class, the students were looking at pictures from the 1920's that my professor brought in and I was not at my computer to respond to his Gchat message fast enough. (or, if I answer after 3 instead of 1 rings on my phone, it isn't fast enough and I must be hiding something in his mind) When I sat back down I was greeted with a plethora of messages that I was lying and that I was ridiculous because he knew I was going to say that I didn't see my messages from him on gchat; so I told him about the pictures the professor brought in because they were really interesting and it went downhill from there. I don't do enough in the relationship, I don't care about him, I am a liar, I was really speaking with some guy, that I wasn't realyl in class and was on gchat from my phone, the list goes on and on......then in a matter of 30 seconds, after I told him to please stop because he knew he was being ridiculous and that I would never hurt him, it was "Okay, sweetheart, my little sweet thing, sign onto skype, I want to see my baby in class". I signed on to show that I WAS indeed in my very expensive course that I am paying for out of my pocket but would not answer his video call because I knew he didn't care that I was enjoying my class, he only cared to prove that I was or was not lying to him :( These accusations have destroyed me as a woman and as his lover. In fact, last night was one of the most minor incidents. It is inconceivable to him that I do not look at other men and judge how attractive they are bc I am so happy with HIM and want only to be with HIM. I could create a list of times like this where he has required photographs from my phone to prove that I was doing what I told him...calls at work without him saying anything on the other line to see if I am at my desk like I told him...checking my phone and calling every number on it to make sure that it was indeed my doctor and not some guy...having to walk BACK into a doctors office and have the nurse tell him that the physician who saw me was a female and not a male...When does this become too much? When does love NOT conquer all? Is this insanity?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 That is insanity, let him know you're not going to take this crap anymore and he either starts trusting you or you'll walk. Trust is the foundation of every relationship and if he cant even lay that basic foundation then what hope is there of making a skyscraper of a relationship??
Best of luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
Nobody on here is going to say yoou caused any problem, because it is very obviousy that you haven't. This is a case of him being very insecure and controlling. You have to tell him straight that you won't take any more of his controlling ways. If he continues to be this way, yoou really need to consider ending this relationship, because it's you who is going to get hurt in the end. x
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