A
female
age
41-50,
*54545
writes:I've been going out with a lovely guy for 3 years. we even spent a year trravelling in Asia together. We get on really well but I don't know if he will ever commit to me? I don't even want to get married I just want to know that he thinks we have a future? one minute he is planing going away together again next year or saying that we will have children together then he turns around for no apparent reason and says he doesn't think he ever wants kids or to get married. Initially I used to get upset now I know he will change his mind again next week so there is no point worrying but should I just walk away and enjoy the good memories. I'm in my early thirties and somethimes I think he's just wasting my time. I know he loves me I'm just not sure if he is in love with me???? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Let him know you love him and you'll move as quickly or as slowly as he'd like. The fact of the matter is you want to be with him but want to know what he's looking for in the future.
Eve
A
female
reader, 454545 +, writes (19 March 2007):
454545 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help. i was trying to rate the answers as very good but it changed too quickly. i do love him , hes the best in the world. i know i need to talk to him but i'm scared that he'll get frightened and run away ( slight commitment phobe - he got badly hurt as before and i think hes nervous)but i know i've just got to talk to him
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 March 2007):
You need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what you're looking for from this relationship. You have said you don't want to get married anyway so I don't really see where the problem lies? I think he's the way he is because he doesn't know what YOU really want from the relationship... I don't think you do either?
Sit down by yourself and have a long think. What DO you want from this guy in the future? Is a family life (ie kids and marriage) important to you or would you prefer to travel and see the world with him? Once you know for sure then tell HIM what you want and see what he says, otherwise you are both just going to continue going round in circles confusing one another. TALK TO HIM!!!
Eve
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (17 March 2007):
 This is a difficult one, which ultimately only you can decide. You say you know he loves you, and that you get on really well; but you haven`t said that you love him. Do you? Without knowing this, it`s hard to give advice. The fact that you`re even considering walking away, and that you sometimes think he`s "wasting your time", indicates that perhaps you too are really not that committed to the relationship either. I think you both really need to have a good long talk about where this is going, if anywhere. Kind Regards, Heather.
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