A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused-girl82
writes:I have been dating this guy for 5 months and he warned me from day one that he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I wouldn't let him but I don't know anymore. He told me that he and his girlfriend broke up two months before and that he was still in love with her. I like him a lot and things just come easily with him. He holds me and looks at me in the eye like no one before, he kisses my forehead and all those things that made me think he was falling for me. He even introduced me to his mom and I to my family and friends.I spend almost every weekend with him and lately we were even seeing each other during the week. Today I decided to ask him where we were at and what the expectations were. He said that he didn't feel like he was falling for me in the same way he thought he should be since we have been dating for a few months; he said I was the perfect girl but that he was still hung up on his girlfriend. At first I wasn't hurt I told him I appreciated his honesty but right now I am having mixed feelings as to how I am supposed to be feeling. The conversation ended by both of us agreeing to continue seeing each other, he said he doesn't want to see other people but feels is unfair to ask the same from me. He said if I ever meet somebody else and wanted to break things off that he wanted to remain friends because he enjoys being around me and loves my mom and friends. Maybe I am in denial because I am hurting now and I don't know what to do next. Should have I agreed to continue dating him? I am also very confused about how I feel about him, I don't know if I am falling for him but I do care about him a lot, and more and more as time goes by.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I know this may be a little late for your post, but I was looking for something that was similar to my situation. I was wondering how things turned out for you. I totally get how you feel or felt at the time. I've been seeing this guy for 4 months. He's not hung up on his ex, but he also hasn't been in love since he and his ex had ended. And that has been about 7 years. He does everything that your guy did/does. It started off going really fast. After the first couple of weeks he told me that he could see me having his kids. A week or two after that, we got drunk and he told me that he loved me. He even gave me the code to his house so that I could get in when he's not there. After a while, he took back the "I love you" because he felt that it was going too fast. We continued to see each other for a while and I thought it was safe to bring him around my family. I started off with just my brother too ease him in. I felt that we had a great time with my him, my brother and my brother's girlfriend. But later that night, we got drunk and he wanted to end things because he didn't think that he felt the same way I had felt about him and he didn't want to hurt me. The next morning he took it back and wanted to continue to see me. Ever since that moment we've kinda been on the rocks, but I let it go just so i could see where it would go. Well, a couple weeks ago he told me that he liked me, but didn't like me enough to want to commit. After that, I stopped talking to him for three weeks. And the other night we started talking again. And it felt so right. I feel like he's totally the one. Everything with him feels so right, but I don't know what to do. What did you end up doing?
A
male
reader, Answerthis  +, writes (23 March 2009):
You guys sound like your good for each other, as friends at least for the time being and maybe more in the future. The rule is this though, that relationships have to be able to evolve with time if there is to be a possibility of a long term thing. Just as he is honest about being doubtful, you have to be honest about if he is going to give you what you need, and may want soon. This sounds like a very fair guy, and if you tell him what you want/need, he will probably tell you whether he can give it or not. Repay his honesty with the same, and then assess if your love will be reciprocated...As for his ex, if you want something real, there's only room for 2... he will have to choose, move on with you, or stick with her...
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Hon, you have lots of false hopes here. I believe he does not have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to tell you that he doesn't think it will work out between you.
This means he will lead you on until he finds another girl and probably figures you will get the picture and leave then. Go find yourself someone who wants to be with you and will treat you as you should be treated, not as some door mat. Doc
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Sometimes, you're so close to a situation you can't see what's going on, that's what we're here for!
It's not that he still has feelings for his ex only, it's that he's still hurt over splitting from her.
If I'm right, he'll heal in time and everything will be fine.
As fine an instument as the human heart is, eventually it sees no point in continuing to love where there's not even a relationship.
He's just a bit emotionally wobbly on his feet at the moment.
Sounds like he just came out of a bit of a passionate one!
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