A
female
age
30-35,
*steph*
writes:my fiance and i just broke because he doesnt want a family and i have a 2 1/2 month old baby and he said that he isnt in love with me any more. he said he still wants to be friends but with benefits. and i agreed to it cuz we are both madly attracted to each other and i still am madly in love with him. he keeps askin me if im wanting any one else or if iv been talkin to one of my ex's that we both work with. he seems to get really defensive and jealous when i tell him about these other guys flirting with me and stuff. he says that he is going to make it clear to all the guys that we work with that if they touch me or anything he will hurt them... he still tries to cuddle with me or hold my hand when we go in public but always says oops friends arent supposed to do this... i really dont know what to think about it. i wanna think that there is still hope for us getting back together but he says theres not. the problem with him is that he sees everything as black and white... either it is or it isnt... and he has a hard time with thinking about difficult things such as relationships. he than makes such rational decisions. i dont know what to think about it. is there still hope? is he still in love with me even though he says hes not? please help...
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Don't you see? That is all he wanted in the first place was the befefits.
Now that he has told you that are still going to give it to him?!
How many children are you going to have to have without him taking responsibility before you wake up and dump him. Leave him at the next whistle stop and continue on without him. You will be happier in the long run you can be sure.
Doc
A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
You know; there's no accounting for men's (and women's) hormones!Typical blokey behaviour.You kinda gave two reasons for splitting.First you said "cos he didn't want a family" then "he didn't love you anymore."So, adding it all up; wouldn't it be more correct to say he stopped loving you because you've had a baby?I notice you didn't say it was his so presumably there is some resentment either towards the baby father, you having a child that isn't his, or; that you had a baby by THAT guy...Deep down you probably know which...It takes maturity to deal with someone you love having (had) a child by somebody else and I don't think he's there yet.I think he knows it, and that is why he doesn't want a family.In his immature mind, he seems to think that you having a child equals him being able to sleep with other women.Which is of course, nonsense.Why else would he only want to be friends?If you had an open relationship then he wouldn't stop you seeing other people but he's made that quiet clear that's off by the way he treats your workmates.Don't let having a baby destroy your self-esteem.Sometimes it seems that every relationship comes with a catch.But, the truth is that some people are genuinely a good package.This guys more like a bag of mixed nuts!
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