A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated someone twice. Then, he disappeared - he didn't make contact with me after the second date.I haven't seen / heard from him for 2 weeks now. I'm disappointed and confused. I'm too embarrassed to call him because the last time we met (2nd date), we had sex for the first time and it was nice. What if he's not contacting me because he doesn't wanna see me anymore?I still care about him. I'm just upset and I cannot believe that he would do this to me because when we were together, he was a real gentlemen.I'm not the same cheery person at work and I'm reminded of him when I walk past places where we spent time together. I spend my free time thinking about him, crying and sleeping.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): You have to take some of the responsibility for this. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with a guy if that is what you want to do. I would suggest that you wait a while if you want more from a guy though.
A
female
reader, ayeshaH  +, writes (24 July 2011):
i'm sorry you had to go through this.
i understand how you feel and it is a sinking feeling when someone does this to you and you wonder what he didn't like.
but please remember that he is the jerk in this. what gentleman would do this to a lady?
as hard as it is you just need to keep reminding yourself that he has used you and is not worth your tears.
most people worth dating wouldn't have sex with you on the second date. its a bit soon.
not to worry though it hurts but you will be ok!
you will find someone who treats you better!
wish you all the best.
xx.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (22 July 2011):
 he played you and now you feel hurt and used. sometimes men do this.
next time get to know someone for a longer amount of time.
this happens to a lot of people. i've been there myself. its crappy, but it WILL FADE
if he cared for you he wouldn't leave you feeling this way so move on and put him behind you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 oh dear... women feel so close after sex.. and he probably just used you for a booty call.
IF he calls you back DO NOT sleep with him... see if he keeps coming around... I fear it was a use and abuse kind of thing.. hit and run... not even FWB I am sorry.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (21 July 2011):
RedAthena says it all really. (Unless something major happened in his life, that made it hard for him to contact you, I think you will just have to put it down to a hard lesson learnt)He is not worth your tears if he just used you for sex. If this is the case, forget him, move on and find someone better (and take it slower, try to get to know them first before you sleep with them) You're not the first person this will happen to, nor the last, just put it down to life experience, and get yourself look for someone better :-)
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (21 July 2011):
 You described a situation where you feel more embarrassed than anything. You are feeling dissapointment.
I would say you have a "faux" bonding with this man. You only went out with him twice, and having sex with him made you feel closer to him emotionally.
Deep breath and move on. Reconsider not moving so fast intimately with a guy in the future.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 July 2011):
 He is not worth a single tear shed. He is not worth a single sleepless hour. He is no gentleman. He is a good actor, and he put on a fine performance as a gentleman in order for you to slip into the sack with him.
You got smacked in the face by life. You can either lay on the ground crying and blubbering, or you can get up, dust yourself off, and vow to yourself that you will never again allow yourself to get used like that again.
I think you already know the biggest mistake, and that was the quick sex. A real gentleman wouldn't pressure you into the sack on the second date. Womanizers, users of women, and players do that. They seem a little smoother, a little more romantic, and a little too polished because they have the fast act down. This is why women don't have sex without first really and truly getting to know a guy and weeding out the players and FWB'ers. Sex is risky, and these players' stamina isn't build for relationships.
Two weeks is way too long to cry over a useless player. Your ego is bruised, but you won't find healing in wallowing. Like I said, you've been punched. Pull yourself up off the ground, dust off, and get those fists back up in the air. Life deals an occasional failure or misfortune or mistake. What you do about it depends on what caliber woman you are.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Yes, I'm sorry to say that he had sex with you and then has disappeared. That sadly could be the end of him. However, you could send him a message and ask what's up? or how's things? Two weeks is a long time though especially in light of what happened. You could try a text perhaps to say hello? If no reply then I'm afraid that's the end.
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A
male
reader, Freeride_Biker  +, writes (21 July 2011):
How well did you know this person? Maybe he has just used you for sex? In that case he is a bad person and you should not even bother to have the time of day to think about him.. Go out in your free time and do something you enjoy that will help you take your mind of the situation. If he does in someway contact you be wary of him and what he wants. many great relationships start with having sex in the early stages of the relationship but not all work out either.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Eeesch I hate to say this but it kinda sounds like he got what he wanted (Sex) and now he's off looking for his next conquest. Chalk this one up to experience. DO NOT beat yourself up for this, he's a wank and he used you. Pick yourself up, learn from this experience and move on. No more tears he's not worth it.
You go girl. Head to the salon and get yourself pampered then throw those shoulders back and look the world square in the eye. Be strong!!!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (21 July 2011):
 so he got sex and then disappeared? he is a scum bag and really not worth your tears. i hope you realise this? you WILL get over him, it just takes time. try to avoid places you went together if you find it too hurtful at the moment. get on with your life, spend time with your friends, doing fun things.
a word of warning, if he ever does come back, be careful as to his intentions or you may find that he wants to use you for a booty call
x
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (21 July 2011):
Why not contact him? There could be many reasons why he didn't contact you, that have nothing to do with you.
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