A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My problem is...... I have been with my sons father for 13 years on and off (we are not married). mostly on of course. We have a child together. About 8 years ago he got sick. He lost all function of his kidneys well he hasnt worked since then. He has since received a kidney transplant. He is in the best health he can be in now. He works a little but never just gives me the money to pay bills or whatever. Now he and his mother do get social security which is not much. He gives me about half and his mom pays a couple of bills. This has put a stain on me emotionally and finacially. I take care of him and his mother. and of course our son. Ive left and got my own house etc. but felt sorry for him and came back. I love him Im NOT in love with him anymore. Well for the past 5 months Ive been seeing a younger guy. Its basically sex but sometimes it seems like more. I know I really care about him. I want to leave! I know what Im doing is not right. If i leave it will not be because of the other guy. It will be because Im not happy.My boyfriend is dependent upon me and I stay because he cant make it financially without me. and I stay for our son.Im not happy. I want to be free to date this guy or maybe someone else. What do I do? How do I leave knowing my son wants us to stay together and he and his mother can make it without me. I get NO help from their family. Im exhausted!How do I leave without feeling bad that they cant make it without me?????? How do I make myself happy when Im hurting someone who loves me (or maybe just dependent upon me). LOST!
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male
reader, Prophet7 +, writes (22 May 2009):
I understand where you're coming from. I'm not judging you either :-). I think you have gone above and beyond what most would do in your situation. The drinking is not good if he gets nasty and can't control himself. If he knows this will make you want to leave then maybe you should go. It's not healthy for you or your son. God Bless... Prophet7
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (21 May 2009):
 see if they qualify for goverment assistance, you said it yourself, why would you sarifice your happiness. the whole drinking and being an ass thing is a problem, you know it you wouldnt have mentioned it if you didnt. hun leave this situation and be happy, the people are taking advantage of you, and it seems that there using you for stepping stones. if you want to leave there is no true reason to stay except youll feel bad?? doesnt seem logical.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay thanks to the two that have answered my questions. The problem is of course no one knows the whole story. I know I want to leave. My problem is.... What about their financial situation??????? That's the only thing that is completely holding me there! LIFE IS TOOO SHORT and I def. want to be happy. I will just completely ruin other lives. The selfless road is NOT the easy road. Why should I have to put my happiness aside because I dont want to upset others. I know my son will eventually understand. HE is 11 and he knows how his daddy is. The part I forgot to mention is one of the reasons I left is his drinking. ITs not everyday BUT when he does its a complete jeckal and hide. He does a complete 180 and doesnt know what he is doing and he talks really bad to me. I cant stand it.......!!! Thats why I've left before. Over the years the drinking has gotton bad. but like i said it's not everyday but when it happens it makes up for all the days he hasnt. He PROMISED me he would never drink again when I returned two years ago. WELL.... that's was about 10 crazy drinking sessions ago... THat's the only thing I ask him not to do. Why doesnt he respect that i dont want him to drink.. I cant drink because Im afraid he will so I never get to drink. and i only want to do it socially.
ON ANOTHER NOTE: The other guy is not why I want to leave he is just the only thing that is making me feel like a women. He is the only thing i look forward too. BESIDES my wonderful son. but this is in a different way with the guy. He makes me smile, he makes me happy... I know the grass is not greener on the other side because I've been on the other side... I just want to be happy. I just wish that soooo many people did not depend on me. I HAVE NOONE TO DEPEND ON! the last time i left i had to pay my bills and theres. I cant do that anymore.... WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD. LEAVING is what I want to do I know that......I know that for sure....... I just care toooo much about how others feel.... Lost and lonely.....
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (21 May 2009):
your not happy that can effect your son. when your son is older he will understand. i think you should leave you cant do this to yourself anymore. i can feel how exhausted you are jusrt through your words. make a better life for you and your sone were you can give him more attention and not the other two. if hes in better condition why isnt your bf working? even if its a few hours a week?, anything to help you out. lifes to short and you should live it happy,
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A
male
reader, Prophet7 +, writes (21 May 2009):
Even if you're not happy you shouldn't cheat. If you're not happy, leave. Just know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You were there for him when he needed you and I'm sure he loves you dearly for that. Cut off this new thing with the younger guy so you can think clearly. It sounds to me like you feel that you missed out on a lot by being with him over the last 13 years. Follow your heart but think about everyone involved including yourself. Think of how your decision will affect everyone. Sometimes being selfless is the better road to travel when family values are concerned. If you're only concerned with yourself and your own happiness, leave. It sounds like the two of you have a strong bond. You risk losing it if you leave him after all you've been through together. Hope my advice helps you. God Bless... Prophet7
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