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female
,
anonymous
writes: My fiance just told me he's been cheating for the past year - off and on, no one in particular. His job takes him away for the majority of the year and definately puts him in the position to cheat, musician. I've kicked him out and told him it's over. Now he continually says he screwed up, was stupid and knows what he wants - me and will get his life on track. I do love him so much - I was going to marry him. and I do believe he is wanting to fix things and be faithful. But how would I ever really know? I just don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): He's right, he has screwed things up. You did the right thing of chucking him out. If you marry him, he will just make your life worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): LOVE! you are better than him!i am sure there are many other men out there who will love tohave you on thier arm who WILL be faithful to him!
i mean hes done it once an hes done it twice do you believe that now hes got a taste for cheating that he will really give it up?I DONT THINK SO! if i were you id get with ur gurl freinds an had a night in with a flick and have a gd old gossip, but make sure ur cheating mans out of the picture!
good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): If he has done this numerous times, do you really believe he will be faithful, hun? You have a man who is not fufilled in a monagamous, exclusive relationship with you, no matter how well the relationship itself is and no matter how content he tells you, he is. With so many flavors of ice cream, he's likely asking himself "why eat the same kind of flavor, forever?" He also put you at incredible risk, with so many sexually transmitted diseases out there-I sure hope you are having medical check ups.
The trust has been literally shattered and I don't know if you can ever, get that back. If he travels, you can't be there to babysit him, day and night and why should you? This is not a healthy way to conduct a loving relationship.
Marrying him will set you up for constant, stress, worry and heartache, dear. Think on that.
Whatever the excuse is there is always one common word cheaters share and that "Me, myself and I". They are very selfish people. If they took the time out to think about how their affairs affect the people they claim to love, they wouldn't cheat. OR they would at the very least, give their partner the common courtesy and respect they deserve, by discussing the real issues at hand and decide whether or not to end the relationship. It appears there are no issues with you, however. Youa re upholding your end of this relationship..he isn't. Don't marry him because I feel he'll never change. Sorry, just my opinion. Proceed with caution here, and use your head, not your heart, hun. Take care
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (25 October 2005):
 Why was he cheating? I'm not saying that he deserves to have any excuses but the fact that it was 'no one in particular' illustrates him to have no respect for himself and women.
Perhaps, however, you have given him the wake up call that he needed and now he realises that he has to mend his ways in which to win you back. You need to consider whether you are able to forgive him for what he has done or whether you will be able to build up the trust again.
Going to counselling together as a couple could be an option to investigate as well as talking extensively together about why he did it and whether there is a chance he would do it again with situations that might trigger such behaviour.
Some people unfortunately never do change but with concerted effort, it is possible. Sit down and talk with him to find out if that could be true for him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): I have found out my partner had a month's affair and also had two one night stands throughout our relationship. Like you, I see a different side to him, one that is trying to repair - however, this might be because we are blinded by loving them. I think the only answer is to follow your instincts. Both of you need to be aware that there are serious hurdles ahead. There will be good days and bad days. Time will give you your answer. We are now living together again and trying to make things work. He is seeing a counsellor which is helping him and I am trying to be very strong. Make sure you protect yourself first though - you cannot leave the wound open so he can hurt you again. I hope it works out for you. x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 October 2005):
 Cheaters rarely change their spots. If you want to live like that, never trusting him and wondering all the time if he is being faithful, that's up to you to decide. If you decide to go forward with the relationship at least you have had a heads up.
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (25 October 2005):
If he really loved you he would not have done it in the first place, if it was the once then i would have said talk it over with him but he has done it repeatedly and has ket it from you the whole time. If that doesnt answer your question then i dont know what will
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A
female
reader, brokenhearted +, writes (25 October 2005):
I know this is hard but just ask yourself can you really not give him another chance? will you regret not trying it one last time? can you get on with your life not knowing if he was serious?
I think for your own piece of mind that you should give it one more go, if he does it again then at least you'll know for definite! And if he doesn't then he was worth loving in the first place!
Good luck
Hope it works out!
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