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anonymous
writes: Problem started when we really just stop communicating with each other. We were talking, but not really communicating. I was pretty fed up with that so I confronted her and gave her two options: -1. We work hard to try to revive our relationship 2. Go our separate waysI made it clear I prefer option 1. She said she wanted time to think but I was tough and insisted she choose one of the two options. She chose option 2 plus she confused me even further by saying that whatever it is, she wants me to know tht she loves me.After that, I backtracked and regretted my stubborn stance, so I told her that she can still choose option 1 and at the same time she can have time and space to think. She wanted a few days.Its been day 2 and I feel absolutely in the dumps. I think of her a lot. What's going on? Why does she need time and space to think if she still loves me? I've resisted the urge to call her many times already.My initial plan was to face reality and accept the fact that she will come back and say no anyway. but there is still a little bit (big part) of me that is still keeping hope...What does she mean? Is she lying to me as not to hurt me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): i am going through the same phase..but it was my gf who asked me to give up my friend..i did..and then when i asked her to do the same(in harsh words),she flipped and said she had never seen my dark side and that shewanted time to cool down and think about it..these women are always confused in life bcoz they dont know what they want..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): The most important rule about ultimatums is you don't use them. A relationship founded on threats is doomed. But now that you've issued one, you're going to have to follow through. I can't blame her for doing what she did. You basically said, do it my way or we're through! So what do you do now? She needs time to think about what you did and why. You can be stubborn and never get back together or....you apologize to her and never, ever use ultimatums to "control" a person you love. What does that say about you? She saw through what you were doing, hun and that is why she picked option 2. The woman has pride and self-respect! Think about it. You can have a stand-off that will last forever.. or you both can start talking. Apologize to her- be patient, more loving with her..and get back to living your life with her in it. work you relationship problems out day by day-but never give ultimatums again. That's being a bit too controlling and no one should ever put up with that. Take care.
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): I am sorry that you have found youself in this situation and I know that all you ultimately wanted was to make your relationship the best it possibly could be, good communication is essential in healthy relationships. I beleive that your girlfriend does love you as she says and wants to be able to communicate properly but has difficulties doing this. If she does contact you, you need let her know that you're willing to work on the issues behind her inability to communicate, and will not force her to open up to you before she is ready. This may mean you having to make as many changes and take as many risks as your girlfriend. What we have to realise is that good communication does not always come easily, especially if we feel what we have to say may affect the person we love. Let her know that she is in a safe and secure environment where she will be heard and not judged. You also need to make it clear that you are in this for the long haul and will not just disappear if she communicates something you don't particularly like. Good luck, I hope you manage to create a healthy happy relationship together.
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 October 2005):
 She has made the choice you forced on her. Now you have to accept it and move on with your life. I think you have learned your lesson here.
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female
reader, brokenhearted +, writes (25 October 2005):
I'm in the exact same situation.
Well except my bf and I are best friends and it wasn't the communication that finished things. We were on again off again for 2 months and then last Fri on again but of course i went anhd told him to think about it make sure its what he wants as I couldn't bear to be hurt again.
The thing is he is thinking which is good but I'm going crazy. Surely he shouldn't have to think about it??? But I was rhe one to tell him to think about it in the first place and it is a very serious life changing decision!!
I nknow my bf loves me, he says he just doesnt want to hurt me again because he loves me too much, which is fair enough!
Maybe your gf feels the same, sbhe loves you but just doesnt know if the rekationship will work out and doesn't want you both to hurt needlessly!!
Give her time, I know its easier said than done but it is a very important decision and if you rush her you'll regret it
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (25 October 2005):
If she doesnt want to work on communication then she either isnt ready for the commitment or is looking for a way out. Dont let it get you down, i know how it feels because i have been through it before and it hurts inside like mad. Just stay off her case for a couple of weeks, guaranteed she will phone you, you just have to be strong and not phone her atall, wait till she phones you. She needs her space so give it to her. If she doesnt come back then it wasnt meant to be but usually they do
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