A
female
age
30-35,
*ager1234
writes:I've been on and off with a guy for a little over a year. We have never actually officially been "boyfriend, girlfriend" but we have had a relationship like we are. He doesn't see other girls I don't see other guys. We have sex whether were "talking" or not. But he confuses the hell out of me. He sends mixed signals. After about 6 months of us he told me he loved me. But then a few weeks later just started ignoring me with no explanation. A few weeks after that we ended up in the same group with some friends. And ended up talking. He tells me he's scared. He tells my friends how much he cares about me..and how everything he says to me is true but I don't believe him...he's fought my ex boyfriend that treated me bad. When were out together with friends he's very loving..always hugging me and kissing me. He can be very sweet.There are so many things that he's done that make it look like he cares then he will not talk to me out of nowhere. Hes.the type of guy who shows his feelings to no one. Acts like he doesn't care about anything and he's very stubborn and cocky...he's got a big ego. He's opened up to me lotta times when he's been drinking..and he's not always drunk..but I feel like he just can't open up without a little alcohol bc of the type of person he is. He also is the type of guy who has had a lot of girlfriends but once he's done with them he's done....urs came back to me for a year. He gets upset anytime my ex boyfriend is brought up by our friends. Basically one day were perfect and the next he could be ignoring me. He loves me then he doesn't call or answer me. And I know that the sex has nothing to do with it. I am so confused and I don't know what to think or do with all these mixed signals that are supposedly bc he is scared.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2011):
 If you haven't heard from him by, say, the end of this week, I'd recommend leaving it alone - maybe permanently....
A
female
reader, jager1234 +, writes (25 January 2011):
jager1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso..the past few days we have texted a little bit just about basic things...and he eventually doesn't text back. And he's done that two nights in a row. I haven't tried texting him today..and he hasn't either. Should i? Or leave him alone
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A
female
reader, jager1234 +, writes (25 January 2011):
jager1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo from what I've said you guys don't think its time to give up and move on? Also I've thought about bringing another guy around our friends...hopeing maybe it will make him realize that I'm not gonna play these games forever and show that I will and am capable of moving on? Depending in his reaction I would then let him know after that I do love him and would much rather be with him...but I can't take the mind games much longer..
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I don't see sitting him down and having a frank and sober talk like denise said working out all that well personally. I think that you're winning him over more every day little by little and that taking baby steps with this guy is the only way you're gonna win him over fully.
Go too fast- too soon, be too direct or have awkward sober relationship discussions and you'll scare him, maybe even away for good. I say take it slow, be patient, his actions are backing up his words and you know that he likes you more than he lets on.
Give it time.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2011):
This man really doesn't seem to know his own mind.
You might want to consider sitting down with him to have a frank talk about what he wants - and you want - out of your "relationship." If you decide to do so, make sure its at a time and place when he hasn't been drinking, and there is not the possibility of sex that afternoon/evening while you're talking. You don't want any distractions. Listen to what he says, then state your case. Try to remain calm and not level any blame, or accusations, or jump to conclusions! Ditto goes for him while listening to you.
NOTE: I don't normally recommend having the "Where do I/we stand?" talk because it could be threatening, or produce some anxiety if he/she isn't sure about the relationship - hasn't really thought much about it - and also because usually - not always, of course - it should be possible to get a sense of how things are going from the way the two people interact when spending time together.......
Good luck!
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