| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have recentley started seeing a new man, he is 33 and I am 36 everything is lovely except he is unable to cum inside me and always ends up masterbating to make himself cum. He says he thinks its nerves and tiredness and its not me. Any ideas am at wits end ! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): Hello
it sounds like you're in a difficult situation, but its okay all hope is most certainly not lost. Its sounds to me like he has ‘delayed ejaculation’ (DE) its actually not as uncommon as you might think. there can be a number of reasons why he has this, but the first thing you have to do is get him to open up and be willing to look for solution, theres not point in you trying out new positions etc or therapy if he's not fulling willing to help himself. hope this helps
Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): I undestand ur problem completly. and most likly it isnt our fault. it's not abnormal for a guy to not be able to its happens to alot of them. My usggestion to you is to not rush it. before having sex try more forplay instead of just getting into it. I dont know where you stand on oral pleasure but if you are open to those things Blowjobs can help if u use it as a type of foreplay before having sex. also maybe mutual mastrabation as ingotblue mentioned.
it can't hurt to add a little foreplay or just tease a little before having sex. Maybe try giving him a massage before and relaxing him. it might help to get him comfertable with you so maybe he's not so nervous or stressed about it. let him know its not a huge deal and that he doesnt have to stress over it. if messaging him helps to relax him you could also try kissing him from "head to toe". start at his neck and kiss down as a sort of tease to add to the mood.Again all ideas depend on your openess to different ideas.
hope i helped and best of luck
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A
female
reader, ingotblue  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Hiya, firstly what he is saying could be true.
It might be down to him and not you,
I have few ideas for you.
I dont know if you have had any children but even if you havent some times the pelvic floor can get a little loose, if you practise your pelvicfloor excersizes this will tighten things up.
When you are on the loo and you are having a wee try to stop it mid flow. Those are the muscles that you need to tighten (possibly)
When you do this you will feel the muscles you need to use and you can do this excersize any where and no one will know (unless your like me and pull funny faces when you do it lol)
Maybe its because you move on to penetration too quickly maybe you should spend more time on foreplay build the suspence, tease each other more. For men sex is more visual than emotional so maybe you would use mutual masturbation to get you both to the point where you are very close.
If he has been on his own for a while it might be a case that he has become desensatised, (more used to his own hand) sounds mad but it can happen.
Maybe you should keep off sex for a while spending time getting to know each others body, turning each other on but not having sex, building each other up but not orgasming. Do that for a few days then when you do let go it will be mind blowing.
I hope I have given you a few good ideas and put your mind to rest.
Give it time and it will iron out, hmmm maybe a dirty weekend away? could it be work preasures???
Above all remember to have fun, sex is a way to celebrate each others bodies and to express love.Have fun
I hope it all works out for you
xx
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