A
female
age
36-40,
*inajoy
writes:I have been with partner for 2 years, we have just bought a house only 2 months ago. i love him very much but i dont trust him. he went out with work and didnt come home till 6.30 in the morning, while he was out i tried to phone him several times but he ignored my calls. when he eventually got home he had lipstick and foundation on his shirt i asked where it had come from and he said two girls where fighting.i believed him until i went to work and everyone was gossiping saying he was kissing another girl. i confronted him with this and he said she kissed him but he pushed her away. I dont know where he was till 6.30am, he did say he went back to his friends house but i dont believe him. This was three weeks ago now but i cant get this out of my head. I dont know what to do and feel very paranoid. Please help!!!
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female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 he is not very smart for a man that has children well one thing is for sure he had fun i would watch him from a distance and it happens again then you may be right you could always contact one of his friends to know where he was sometimes not becomes it his friend that he agrees with the way he is acting look for little things papers cell phones matches becomes it could be all only in fun good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Oops, I just realized the vulgar word in my comment. [ahem] 8D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): I have to give a different perspective on this one though. Not long ago, I was out with a group of guy friends at a lounge. One of the other guys received a phone call and two girls came later.
The guy to my right (J) was married about half a year ago and he can be flirty sometimes, but he's a family man and has shown nothing but loyalty and sacrifice for his family in the years I've known him. One of the girls got rowdy and sat on my lap, so she was horizontal across my lap. As the night move along, that same girl pounced on J and I remember she said, "You're really cute!" and then tried to give him a kiss. He put his hand in between her head and his face, but after some shoving and pulling, she managed to give him a collar bite. It didn't quite freak him out, but he quickly removed the girl and went to the washroom to try to wash out the lipstick.
Unfortunately, it didn't work and the day after, he told us that he got in shit from his wife.
Okay, back to your inquiry - yes it is possible he made out with another girl, but it is also possible he didn't. As for the repeated unanswered phone calls, that has happened to me many times. I would go out and my girl calls me but some fool would take my phone and hang it up, etc. From an outsider's point of view, what they say may or may not be true. I remember one of the other girls who didn't 'like' the one who was flirting with us would say that J was laughing and flirting and smiling when that girl tried to kiss him. Yeah, but how is that really taken? One person can perceive that has willingly letting things happen, others can perceive that as he was laughing at the girl, or laughing with his friends who were making jokes at him, etc.
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A
male
reader, honest man +, writes (14 October 2007):
Hi, I am a man that has cheated on previous partners and I recognise your man's behavior as the way I had acted when I had had a one night stand. Especially the wierd not answering the phone thing. All might not be lost though....
I would like to explain what might have happened to him to cause this behaviour. It could be that he is a bad man and doesn't care what he does but there is another possiblity.
When I cheated on my partner it happened about twice in the space of about 3 years. Neither was an affair but a one night stands. Both times it happened I had had too much to drink and I bitterly regreted it both times. One day my partner sat me down and basically explained to me that she could handle it if I had made a mistake but above all complete honesty was what mattered. So I told her and she was really upset and angry but then we went for relationship councilling and I went to fidelity councilling and now our relationship is great as a result. I can never say that I wont make a mistake again because a lot of it comes down to having an impulsive personality, but I can now recognise my danger signs and I have make sure I can recognise when I have had a lot to drink.
In summary, I really love my partner and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world. I hated the fact that I had risk our relationship on something so meaningless. I needed to learn lessons about honesty. You man might be the same or he might not. you have to decide.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (13 October 2007):
 get out while you can.
whatever excuse he came up with, you'll beleive him for the want of a happy relationship but all the signs point to him being unfaithful and if you let it go, he'll walk all over you time and again and then brag about it to his mates.
men are rats and they aren't worth the love of a good person unless they can learn to keep it in their pants.
(N.B not all men, just 99.9% of them)
take care.
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A
male
reader, clickyclick +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Humans are the only living animals that don't act on their gut instincts straight the way; I agree with flower girl.
Clickyclick
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A
female
reader, toughlove  +, writes (13 October 2007):
You know he's cheating on you! I guess it's one of those things that's called "sticking it where it hurts". It's anyone's nightmare and it's happening to you! Sometimes things are so bad that you cannot bear to see the truth, even if you are staring right at it. It's like, when Paris had this frenzy of partying when it was obvious that World War II was inevitable. You just really have to find a place within yourself that's all your own. You share a house with him, but he does not own you. Partly he does, but not all of you, so find that place that's all yours. You need to lean on your own friends, your faith in God, your strength. This wouldn't be happening to you if you weren't strong enough to handle it.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Gut instincts are usually bang on, and i've got to say i wpould not believe a word he said either, if you don't think you will be able to get this out of your head then i afraid there is not alot of chance of your relationship being that successful.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, hotty +, writes (13 October 2007):
you need to sit him down and tell him how he has made you feel. he has put doubt in your your mind by not giving you an explanation of where he was and especially by not answering his phone. if he is as innocent as he says he is he wont have a problem telling all. What has his behaviour been like since? Has he had erattic mood swings or even blamed for something that wasnt your fault. Usually if someone has cheated little tell tale signs will appear and there will be changes in his behaviour. Have you also approached any of his work mates for any info? Just remember you bought the house and you can make it clear to him that you love but dont need him. do not stand for this be strong and demand answers!!! goodluck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): If you dont trust what he is saying then there is probably a very good reason why. After 2 years you know this man pretty well, I dont think that you are being paranoid, I think you can sense when you are not being told the whole story, dont let him fob you off, you need answers.
I also think that because you have bought a house he thinks there is less likelyhood of you being able to walk away and therefore is taking advantage.
Your guy is insulting your intelligence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I wouldn't call it paranoia, I'd call it discovering that he's not telling the truth and trying to hoodwink you at the same time.
He's been a very naughty boy and he's been caught out. You're not likely to get this out of your head until he comes clean and stops telling porkies. Even then, you'll probably mull over it for quite some time.
He needs to admit to you what he was really up to all night and take the consequences for his actions. He must have known that this sort of behaviour would, to put it mildly, upset you.
He quite possibly did go back to his friend's house. The big question is who did he go back there with and for what purpose?
Phil
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