A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:I really need some advice. I'm having a hard time getting over my ex.We were seeing each other for about a month before we became official, when we were just seeing eachother he said he didn't want me seeing anyone else. He was pretty paranoid then, however when we became official all the jealousy stopped he actually trusted me. The relationship itself was perfect I could not have wished for a better relationship. I trusted him, he trusted me we were happy together.I met all his family and friends, he met the majority of my family. We were talking about the future, he constantly told me how happy I made him and how much he loved me, I did the same. He then went on holiday for his 21st birthday which he had arranged before we met. The hokdiay was with two of his friends to magaluf. I was a little nervous and worried about this, but I thought I should trust him and I did.When he got on holiday I did notice a little change in his messages. I just put it down to him being on holiday. When he got back it was late friday night. I saw him the next day and stayed Saturday night it was also bank holiday weekend. The night I stayed it was as if nothing had changed at all, then we went to see one of his friends that he went on holiday with. He asked him to go around town with him. My boyfriend asked me if it was okay, I was not happy about this as he had just come back off holiday where he had constantly been getting drun, and I had missed him and wanted to spend all weekend with him. He said he would pick me up the next morning and that I could stay that night as it was bank holiday. The next morning came, he said he was pretty I'll and it would best if I didn't stay. I was pretty upset about this. I could tell something wasn't right, so I blaintantly asked him what was going on. For a while he played dumb, but after I told him i wasn't stupid I knew something wasnt right, he sent me a huge essay, about how he couldn't do it anymore he doesn't want to be with me he has had no feelings for a while (which is crap, as I mentioned earlier he constantly told me he loved me how perfect I was etc) he said I'm a lovely girl how he thinks very highly of me and that he hoped we can stay friends. A month later and I am still greiving over this. I don't understand what happened everything was so perfect. It has crossed my mind that he could have cheated on holiday, it has crossed my mind that he went on holiday and jut realised he didn't want to be tied down, it has also crossed my mind that he could just be telling the truth and he was lying the whole time about how he felt. How do I get over this? I constantly feel like I'm not good enough like I wasn't good enough or enough for him. I also feel like I'll never get over it, this is the most hurt ive ever been over a guy. I still have his family on facebook they are lovely.I often see him around and having to just act like he's a complete stranger like he means nothing to me kills me. Please help!!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 He could not deal with the guilt... ? You sure ?...
Mwah mwah. You are so tender , I want to kiss you.
OP, It's Magaluf , LMAO ! He KNEW what he was going there for. What does a trio of single guys go to Magaluf for ?... Considering the place sucks, the beach is small, the sea mediocre, the food is , basically, burgers and chips, and there's nothing typically Spanish to see... ? You got it, they go there to get laid . Magaluf is the European (im)moral capital of drunken hook ups :). There's this huuuge disco, the BCM, you pay 23 euros to get in then it's ALL NIGHT OPEN BAR: You can imagine. Tons of feisty,Geordie -shore style ladies, - as a matter of fact, the English girls aren't that bad, they aren't overly approachable, and give the impression of being there more for booze and drugs than for having sex. Not so all the girls from various other countries, there with the declared intent of having plenty of recreational sex. Failing all else- there's plenty of brothels in Magaluf- or, for the impecunious, the young immigrants who supplement their meager regular incomes by offering BJs for just 5 euros.
Now, truth be told, the trip was booked before he met you.
But... that's a little red flag anyway. Sure nothing wrong if a single 21 y.o. wants to have some summer fun... then again, he must be quite a Jack-the-lad, a real Geordie Shore :)... otherwise he would have at least chosen Palma, 30 minutes from Magaluf, but all another , more civilized, scene,- there at least you can PRETEND you are going for the sea or the nature or the restaurant... something other than just the pu..y. :)
I think you may have dodged a bullet, OP, and that Prince Charming was not actually so charming, he was just an over hormonal , rambunctious immature KID who could keep his act together for few short months , before his inner Neanderthal took over again....
Btw, I am not saying that it is the place which makes the man cheat. I think that if a MAN is serious about you, and CHOOSES to stay faitfhul and committed, he will do that should he wander by mistake in the middle of a porn movie set.
But, it's a matter of WANTING it... and at just 21... in a very new, fresh relationship that has not had the time to deepen ... and with his taste in matters of entertainment and travel destinations :).... this was doomed, OP, it was bound to happen. Sounds to me you may have not missed that terribly much...
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Give it time , yes everyone is telling you that but with time the pain fades. No contact is great and you may be missing him but you are doing a lot better than some, you are holding your head high and staying clear of him. He does not deserve a second chance and you will find someone that can remain true to you. Like the other aunts is sounds like he was unfaithful on the holidays and had no balls to deal with you so he took the coward route out.
You were a great GF and he was an @$$.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (2 July 2014):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your help! I thinknhe cheated and couldn't deal with the guilt. I did tell him while he was on holiday he seemed different, he just told me I was being paranoid. I cut contact 2 days after the split, he sent me a text asking if in was okay and he was worried about me I didn't reply. We haven't been in contact since. I see him at college sometimes, he does night classes and I'm preapring for uni, so I've been staying late. We don't speak, we just act like strangers.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 H cheated on you and rather then fess up and face the music he pulled a "I lost my feelings for you" out of his rear.. I bet you.
It's not because YOU aren't/weren't good enough - more like HE isn't good enough. He rather spend time with friend then his GF? That is really off, specially since he JUSt spend a couple of weeks with them.
YOU will get over him, not today and not tomorrow, it will take some time.
IF his story is true, that he had stopped caring then WHY would you want to stay with him? Know what I mean?
Let him go. And TRUST that YOU didn't DO this. HE did, HIS choice.
Chin up, it will get better. I just hope for your sake that you aren't going to let him back in your life, as someone to chat with him, FWB-type deal or whatever he might think up.
CUT the contact. I would slowly drop his family of Facebook too. For you sake. I would just send them a message letting them know you find them to be lovely people but you don't want anything to become awkward and wish them all well.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 He is not good enough for you if he can't be honest about why he can't be with you. I also think he cheated but didn't want to deal with the guilt or have you confront him and blow up. It could be a drunken mistake, or peer pressure because everyone else was doing the same thing. If he really loved you he might come back and realize mistake. Don't give in because he doesn't deserve another chance. When he did something bad (whatever that is) he wasn't considerate of your feelings. When he put the blame on you why things won't work out, it's the same. So return the gesture by not caring what he thinks. You will get over him but you have to be willing to believe that there are many good guys out there who won't do this. It is natural and normal for you to feel that you won't ever trust and believe what a man says. Time will pass and maybe in the future you would be able to judge a man's character and see through red flags with much clarity.
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A
female
reader, Catnessbeans +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I am very very sorry. Seeing what he did hurts my feelings reading. Life isn't a straight path to your goals. There's always those really bad grades you don't want to show your parents, those interviews you flopped, that crush you thought would like you back. Life's one heck of a rocky, dysfunctional, crazy road but we still have to take it if we want to get where we want to be. What to take from this is maybe communication. His messages seemed a bit off? If you're concerned, worried, anxious, someone who loves and cares about you would want to KNOW about it and help alleviate those feelings. In a loving, trusting relationship, communication is open not dismissed or excused. I feel (but this is my opinion based on the details you have given) that if you were to have communicated this unease he wouldn't have helped you through it. He would've avoided it perhaps. Furthermore, he might have even ended things there just like he was exhibiting avoidant behavior when he returned. What's hurting you the most right now is the thought of him having truly loved you (he showed you to his family etc.) and then thrown it away so suddenly after and perhaps because of a vacation. I honestly and truly believe that if he loved you with all of his heart he could've spent a year away on a drunken world tour and come back as loving as before he left. (AND as faithful) There are long distance couples, military boyfriends etc. Furthermore, there are so many articles online, dating advice, relationship columns etc. "Ten signs that HE's the one for you": makes you breakfast in bed, says you're pretty with no makeup, shows you to the parents... What I want to outline is that this information is going mainstream. Love isn't just introducing you to the parents since there are guys that have introduced several girls to their parents before the right one comes along. Love is also trust, communication, not being worried, anxious or afraid of communication. Love surpasses time, obstacles, distance. I really hope I helped even a little with getting some closure from this past relationship. :) Finding love is dumb and difficult, stubborn and stupid learning experience and perhaps one of the rockiest roads of all.
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