A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What kind of personality profile does this? The woman in question is in her late forties, and whenever there's a heated argument or disagreement going on, she resorts to "no contact" and shutting me off completely! She jumps to conclusions and doesn't like to talk things over it seems. She is very stable in her career with a solid tenure, and seems really poise and sharp in other aspects of her life; articulate, attractive, soft spoken, good earner, and an all around clear-thinker. So why the dichotomy when it comes down to settling arguments?I'm curious to find out why she has this inclination to resort to these draconian and immature antics when it's time to resolve an issue. Recurring words in her lexicon are comprised of "I have a lot of stress...I go with my gut instinct...don't need this in my life right now.....you got caught lying". But talking things over? Hell no. I'm banished, put in no-contact, blocked from her phone, etc. All stuff a teenager would do.I thought I lost her on several occasions, but she always comes back around eventually. We do a have a great time together when things are smooth sailing, but I think she's gone this time around. What's behind all this? Did something happen in her past?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): If you lied about something major, that would explain a lot of this. What did you lie about?I think we can only guess at the reasons for her behaviors, how would we know if something happened in her past? You need to talk to her, but she doesn't seem able to do that. If she comes around again, make it a requirement to discuss all of this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I think the primary thing in your story making it sound like you are the problem is the sexes of you and her.
This question would be getting a solid wall of answers in your favor if you were a woman asking about her immature and uncommunicative man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ so very confused. ....I agree with you that I'm just a part of her life and not the centerpiece. But she does send a lot mixed signals. When we're together she expects a lot of romance, intimacy, sex. I enjoy it of course although sometimes it seems like I have to perform; she's always clamoring for passionate kissing, and this after having been together for a while. I dont see her a whole lot though.
On the other hand, when I need emotional support or just want to vent here and there she wants no part of it; however, I have to listen to her same grievances over and over. She's a bit selfish. She's also very jealous although she doesn't express it........she just relagates me to the backburner.
Coward999....she does seem passive aggressive.
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male
reader, coward999  +, writes (2 July 2014):
"What kind of personality profile does this?"
You're dealing with passive-agressive behaviour. I've being there. It's really frustrating. Say her how much that bothers you. If she doesn't understand that you have the proof it's time to end the relationship.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2014):
 OP I would strongly suggest you realize that it's not her.. it's you... seriously. YOU are not that important to her.
She has tried to end it several times:
"I thought I lost her on several occasions, but she always comes back around eventually. "
she said you lied.... if you lied and she went no contact and you battered at her to come back I see more clearly what's going on.
She's a busy woman with little time to nurture a relationship or meet people. She has settled for you and does not much care if you stay or go... when she goes no contact that's because she wants you gone and you are not cooperating with her wishes by "winning her back"
have you considered that you two are not a good fit?
if i'm wrong then give us some more solid examples to back up your statement that she's immature and childish.
personally just because she shuts down and won't discuss things with you does not make her wrong.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I'm one of those people you have to goad and poke with a stick for quite a while before I go "off". But these days, I have a pretty good handle on my temper.
I actually walk away from any fight my spouse and I might have. If there is a disagreement I take a few to think over what I really think and how I want to convey it. Then when I'm cool, he's cool... we talk. Because I have found trying to get a solution while both of us are "hot headed" it's just not going to happen.
Obviously you two don't communicate that well with each other.
The fact that you wrote one of the reason for fighting was because you CONFRONTED her with not having time for you. Really? CONFRONTED? And you wonder why she retreats?
I think you two need to learn HOW to effectively communicate with each other.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Everyone learns to cope differently with conflict. What you see as immature may simply be the way she's learned to deal with it. In my family growing up people went cold if you offended them, and didn't generally discuss issues, at least until the adreneline had died down. That kind of learning is very difficult to overcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjanniepeg - very simple. It can be anything. Instead of talking things through this individual cuts you off. You know...the cold shoulder...ignore you. Immature stuff. It has nothing to do with "getting caught". For example, when I confront her about why she's always busy and not spending time with me, she'll go off about how I don't understand her hectic life etc. Upon probing a little more, she'll just accuse me of lacking compassion and I'm relegated to "non existent" status for a while. She doesn't communicate well but tends to run from situations.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I have no idea what you are arguing about, other than the fact that you were caught lying about something. If I have to take a guess, a personality profile who does this is an overachiever who does too much but leaves no space for herself and her relationship. But a little more info would help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Being successful at her chosen life is not the same thing as being emotionally mature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Maybe a little more background would help? Has she caught you lieing to her? Have you done something which has crossed a boundary line for her and she can't let it go? Do you try to discuss problems but never really open up to her? Does she feel taken for granted?
I am currently 3 months no contact with my ex for the above reasons and more but when I ended it I explained why and I should have ended it many moons ago after his repeated nice guy/nasty guy behaviour. So if you can honestly say you have behaved impeccably and it can't be anything to do with your behaviour, then it's possible she wants to end it for other reasons. Sounds as if she is a poor communicator though, but.. this withdrawal could be for her own good as she sees it....
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