| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend has a giant porn collection that i discovered recently. he watches them when i leave the house even if its for a few minutes. some of the dvds are underage porn. i am worried because his 17 yr old daughter is coming to live with us. Sometimes he likes me to call him daddy in bed so should i be worried here or is it harmless fantasy? i am wondering if he will want to do sexual things to the daughter...he has only just met her and when he gets drunk he calls out her name in bed? I used to think he did it to mess with my head ( he has a very twisted sense of humor) but now I dont know?
View related questions:
drunk, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): Many people suggest talking to him, i'd be very careful of this, fantasies can be so alluring because they are safe if you expose his he may feel threatened, and lash out.If the pornography you speak of is illegal underage porn then contact the authorities, for the sake of all of our younger relatives. you have a duty of care to all minors, if you fear for the safety of his daughter you must tell someone, under newly emerging laws in some countries you can be held liable if anything does happen. I, and many others it would seem, strongly advise against the girl moving in, on a secondary note, i think you should take a long hard look at your relationship. if you can't trust a man with his own daughter why trust him at all, get out while you can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): In my opinion, if this girl moves in, it'll just be a matter of time before your boyfriend starts making his fantasy, a reality.The fact that he has never raised her, may make him see her as a young woman, as opposed to her being his daughter. This is a recipe for disaster...hopefully the girl has other relatives she can live with.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): A very disturbing picture you paint.
Do u stay around to protect his daughter - do u get out.
I think he has serious problems - not sure you need him at all.There are sometimes in life where you just got to act.This id one
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): one question???
WHY is she moveing in if they have only just met???
did the mother die or something?
either way, i agree with everyone else, she should NOT be left alone with him, let alone move in!!! Any person who, esspicaly grunk, calls out the name of his own child is seriously haveing sexual intrest and desire for them. Even if he were fine around her at first, he would most likely try something gradualy later on, and i'm pretty sure he would do soemthing while drunk, even if its just trying to get her to kiss him.
please warn the girl and any other of her family members!
...............................
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (9 May 2007):
You may want to sit him down and tell him what you know, and that you don't think it is wise for him to have his 17 year old daughter come and live with him.
Fantasies like his are dangerous, and if he drinks around the house now, he'll probably drink around his daughter. Given that he didn't have a hand in raising her, he may not feel the necessary emotional protectiveness for her that a father should, and he may see her as a young woman, instead of as his daughter. Alcohol + 17 year old daughter + fantasies of underage girls is a recipe for disaster.
It may even be a recipe for disaster without the alcohol. He may have no inhibitions which to speak of, in which case the situation is a ticking time bomb.
Talk to him, and if you think he represents a risk to his daughter (and it is clear that everyone on this forum believes that to be true), then you should put your foot down about her moving in. If anything, speak to the girl's mother about your boyfriend's unhealthy, unwholesome fantasies. Stop this before it becomes a tragedy.
...............................
A
female
reader, confused718  +, writes (9 May 2007):
 tell the police cause i really do think he might rape her. Ewwww.that's sick and wrong!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): i find this whole situation deeply disturbing 1)the fact that you find a whole stash of porn and some of that is underage porn 2) your thinking of moving a minor into the house 3) fiction or not he asks you to call him "daddy" in bed the whole thing is wrong im sorry to say. people in love dont call out there daughters name DRUNK OR NOT when making love. and i dont care how tiwsted their sense of humour is that doesnt excuse it. you say you thought he was messing with you head why do you think that because i dont see it as that, i think that this needs to be contained now. underage porn is against the law, its not healthy, and its not ok. you seem to have let your partner take completely over the relationship that you dont know what to do. firstly get the hell out of there dont let the daughter go anywhere near if you can help it, tell her mother, or whoever is in charge of her that you dont think its the ideal time for her to move in then, confront him with all the evidence you have. see if he is willing to go for councelling and if not i no its hard but report him you could save another underage victim of porn i now its hard and we all feel for you but its the best option good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Trust the alarm bells going off in your head. There is something to be worried about here. Do what you can to keep the daughter away from him, and distance yourself as fast as you can thereafter.
If you can't get away from him and still take care of the daughter, get yourself away and call Child Protective Services -- let them know where the porn stash is. His daughter will thank you someday.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I ahve to agree with all the below Aunts. I am really, really worried about this daughter of his. Hun, as for you there is nothing more heartbreaking and lonelier for a woman, than living with a man whom you love and he's begins displaying some really weird tendencies in his sexuality. Any pornography where there is people under the age of 18 years old is illegal. Kind of makes you wonder where his mind goes, sometimes. It's like looking at a complete stranger, you don't know. To be honest, I would e have a real hard time of it and I couldn't live this way...knowing what I knew. It's just an instinct we gals get. We pick upon stuff like this..and this can't be ignored. I remember one incident, where I knew a lady who had very similar concerns like yourself. She had spoken to me about it. Three months later her husband was arrested for raping the adolecsent babysitter. I will say to you...if you feel this man is thinking something that makes you feel incredibly uncomfortable and untrusting toward him, and you can't shake it..then it's time to leave the relationship. To be in a healthy, loving relationship there has to be trust and respect. Sounds like the trust is shaken here and the respect will be next to go, if it hasn't already. Does his daughter have a Mother, you can speak about your concerns for her. I would be going that route if you can. But as I have always said, sometimes we have to discern a good person in our life, based on actions and behaviors. He has shown you some pretty disturbing behaviors. Good luck, dear and do what's best for you and this daughter.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 WOAH! For the safety of that teen, you need to watch what you're doing here.
If there's one thing I've learnt, it's that most ppl tell the truth when drunk and if this guy is calling out his daughter's name in bed... it suggests worrying ideas.
The name "daddy" used in bed could be reffered to in this child porn and his daughter... It would seem he has some sort of addiction that needs sorting out.
I'm concerned for you and this girl's safety...
In my opinion, get the Hell outta there and (if you can) ensure that this kid knows what she's gettin in to.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I think you need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who finds owning and watching child pornography acceptable. How will you feel if you have children with him one day?
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Whoaa, I agree with "Honesty". I don't think his daughter should be moving into this house, because this situation is sketchy. Calling out his daughter's name during sex suggests more problems...
The underage porn is NOT cool. This guy might have some seriously twisted fantasies that you and his daughter should beware.
I'm worried here, sweetness. Be careful, alright?
xxIndia
...............................
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 I would ask him to consider what he has done in the past and the effects it is having on you. To me that would be fairly disturbing whether they are drunk or not.
Child porn is wrong and he needs to aknowledge his addiction/hobby and find a way through it.
Has he had anything happen in his past that might of resulted in his recent behaviour?
I would probably recommend a counsellor if he was serious about tackling this issue, as this can become a larger problem which he might not be able to fully control.
As for his daughter staying. I would of thought it would be hard to stop her depending on the situation, but you need to watch over her and make sure she is not affected by this.
I`m sure it is just a fantasy and nothing more, but these things can spiral out of control; just be aware.
Do you have a good relationship with his daughter?
...............................
A
female
reader, honesty +, writes (8 May 2007):
well i think that this 17 yr old girl shouldnt move in. porn is one thing but underage porn is very worrring you should speak to him about this and find why he likes you to call him 'dadddy' in bed and why he calls this 17 yr old girls name in bed when hes drunk find out does he Fantasise about her and make your decission from there
...............................
|
