A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 19 years old and my boyfriend of 3 years is 29. yes thats 10 years difference. what could we possibly have in common right? well he spent 10 years in prison and his state of mind is truly that of a 20 year old at this point if you ask me so we actually have a lot in common and share a lot of the same interests. But sharing interests and having things in common doesn't mean that we get along 24/7. In fact we've been at each others throats for about the past month and a half. and just last week i took our new born baby and myself to my mothers house. he pretty much broke up with me. his word being, "either you leave or im gonna leave." so i left. i guess he expected me to beg for him back and call his phone 20 times a day leaving 1 hour voice mails each time but i didnt. infact for almost 5 days i didnt call or go by our house. he finally called me to ask where our son was. i replied, "he's at my mothers house." then he asked me where i was. i replied with, "why do you care" maybe this is an immature response but i dont think it was any of his bisuness after giving me the boot and saying he doesnt care about me anymore. he then went on and called me a hoe. he said any girl who walks out on her husband is a hoe. I DONT UNDERSTAND! does he miss us and want us to come home and never really wanted me to leave or does he truly believe that im some kind of tramp for leaving even though hes the one that told me to????????? please help. do i go back home to we kan be a family or do i keep my distance??? i mean...... he hasnt asked me to come back or say thats hes sorry and misses me... he just said that im a hoe for leaving. i dont get him. some advice please from a guys perspective!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Men can say some really harsh things in the heat of an argument/disagreement. And you have to realize immaturity plays a huge part in it all. Sometimes they don't know what to do with themselves, but make you feel worse then they do. And he miht possibly feel guilty,but as a male, will not admite it. So he turned the whole situation around on you, hence, "You are a hoe for leaving your husband". If he thought you were a hoe, do you think he would still be married to you? If he does some pretty sexual things with you like give you "head" or have raw sex with you, I would hope he wouldn't be doing these things with a "hoe". My boyfriend and I are always in some dispute and he called me out of my name...I asked him did he really mean it because if he did, he had no business being with me bc it takes a hoe to know a hoe.And I held him down our entire relationship. SO you are definitely not wrong. You would be wrong in blaming yourself. Men...ages 14-40, can be really ignorant when they want to be. Age doesnt always mean they are going to grow up. You think a child in the picture would make them "man up" and show their child something better. But we all have our personal issues and guilt and lack of confidence can really make any person say/do alot of "off the wall" things.As a mother, you just make sure you do whats best for you and your son.And what you did was totally respectable. But I'm sure you love your man and want to keep your family, so next time he tries to reach out to you, be rational and mature. Hear him out. Dont beg him to apologize. Let him know how he made you feel, that you didn't deserve it and that you, yaw son and yaw marriage deserves better. If he ever threatens to leave when infidelity wasnt the issue on your end, tell him he can stay gone or whatever you need to say, because he is not going to treat you like you're in a little high school relationship. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (13 September 2009):
hell to the no on this one. Find yourself a real man. gosh don't be foolish
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 September 2009):
You're right, he has the mentality of a 20-year old or younger. He called you a hoe! If my boyfriend called me a hoe he wouldn't ever hear from me again. I know you two have a child together, but as others have stated, think about your son. Children pick up on a lot more than you think, and if your boyfriend is being verbally or physically abusive to you, it can damage your son in the future. You're so young and you can do so much better. There are good guys out there that haven't done time in prison and don't refer to their girlfriends as "hoes." He may or may not want you back, but look at the big picture, YOU shouldn't want him back. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay away from him and work on your own life to make it a positive one.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 He called you a 'hoe' and you want him back? Now that should be the question - forget about what he wants as that is all about handing the power and decisions in the relationship to him. You say that you argue a great deal and he is clearly at least verbally abusive - if he doesn't respect you then you have no relationship with a future. It sounds like he is a big kid to be honest, and he is probably damaged from a long stretch in correctional services. You have a parental responsibility towards your baby - it means you protect your child against growing up in abusive family relationships. Being a single parent is better than being in a horrible situation with a man who doesn't treat you right and is messed up in the head department. You have a mother who is helping you - stop hoping that this relationship will work out and move on with your life in peace. Think about your child and stop thinking about this man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Sweetheart you've got to be kidding! You have done the right thing here. 1)You left after a mutual agreement; 2) you were gone 5 days before he even checked on his child; 3) during the first communication he blamed you, and called you a nasty derogatory name. And you want to know if he wants you back? No! He is a bully. You deserve to find someone who will love you and respect you! Please sweetie do NOT take your child and go back. You are young and need to move on from this unhealthy relationship! You may feel like you cant do better but you can. Take some time to discover your strengths, you can do it. Keep us posted and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Jen, +, writes (13 September 2009):
 Honey, do you think if someone called you a hoe it meant they wanted you back? No, neither do I.If he loved you, he would not use such a harsh term.What you say leaves me to think that he doesn't really care about you anymore, and has no intentions of getting back with you.It's pretty sad. Because you have a newborn baby.But Good Luck xAnd if you do go back with him, I just hope you have a happy lifeJen x
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