A
female
age
26-29,
*oreveralone456
writes:So, I am currently in my second to last year of high school. Junior Year (11th Grade), man time has flew by. The town I currently live in isn't exactly a place I like. My family and I moved here 6 years ago (6th grade) because we simply needed a bigger home. We moved from a lower class town, where everyone pretty much had to work very hard to provide for their families. I always had always lived in areas like this, and throughout my childhood I had meant many wonderful people, and learned many important lessons as well as built up my morals. Unfortunately this town is the complete opposite. This is a high class town with amazing school, and ginormous houses, with 5 garages. I had a hard time making friends at first, because everyone had pretty much already formed their cliques. Eventually I had found a group of kids that I could somewhat relate to and I stuck with them. Of coarse over the years things have changed, people got popular, and advanced in the "social food chain" and life began to suck. Today me being 16 years old, I have never been in a relationship, no one has liked me, I haven't even had my first hug from a guy, never mind my first kiss. Everyone else my age has been kissing and having sex since pretty much the 7th grade. I don't have many friends either, unfortunately I have had experiences with friends, who didn't care about me, and only talked to me when they needed something. This is why I have a hard time trusting people. I guess you can say im that quiet girl in high school. The one that no one really notices until attendance is called aloud. I don't think im that bad looking either. I have blond hair and blue eyes, and im of medium built. But when guys see me, they express interest, only until someone else from school comes along. Why does popularity mean something? Why does the amount of clothes you wear, and whether or not you are a cheerleader or, a varsity football jock decide your life. Aren't we all the same? My junior prom is coming up. This is something I have always looked forward to since elementary school. I always planned it to be the most fun night of my life. But today, none of my closest friends are going. Im not even noticed by guys, so its not like im going to get a date (I only have a month anyways). I bought myself a beautiful dress already, because my parents insisted to get one early, and they said I looked stunning in it, but I don't think I will go. Why should I go if I wont even have anyone to talk to throughout the night? I wont have anyone to dance with, or take pictures with, or even sit with for dinner. I feel like im disappointing my family. I'm the oldest of 3 girls, I should be setting an example right? To enjoy life and have fun, but im not doing that. Am I crazy to feel this way, to feel invisible? Is it bad that I haven't had my first love experience, my first boyfriend, my first kiss. I feel like im being left out of the so called high school life "the best time of your life". What should I do?
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
 Hey there! How are you doing? Did asking this question help in any way? Hope you are doing well! :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2014):
I found this PSA video which pretty well lays it out for my generation, hehe. http://happyplace.someecards.com/29402/it-doesnt-get-better-a-psa-for-people-who-were-popular-in-high-school
The IROC-Z looks a lot less cool with a Domino's sign on the top of it. ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2014):
Oh brother, I hated the last two years of high school too. Newsflash, high school days are NOT the best days of your life. Trust me.
I transferred in as a junior and for the first few weeks, ate lunch in front of my locker until I worked up the nerve to join one of the athletic teams, and the girls sports club. Then I could face the cafeteria.
In my high school, the football players and the cheerleaders were the popular ones. Then we had the band geeks, the science nerds and the greasers, and the rest of us who were invisible too. I expect the football players and the cheerleaders would be the ones who peaked there.
Proms? Pshaw. They are not the highlight the movies would claim they are. The best days in HS for me look more like sports highlights reels alongside academic honors awards.
You're focused on the hype, the Kardiashians of HS. You need to broaden your perspective and look past those attention-seekers and egotists to the people who are like you. And they are there, I promise. You are NOT the only one feeling this way.
Having a boyfriend isn't the be all and end all of HS. Your perspective is narrow if you set your self-worth by whether or not you have had a boyfriend.
I would challenge you to open your eyes and be aware of the unhealthy emphasis on looks and boyfriends. Realize that your academics and other skill-building activities are the things that will bring you later success in life and sources for happiness later.
So focus on joining something that takes you a little out of your comfort zone. Do the backstage work for the school play. Become one of the yearbook photographers. Do the volunteer group visits to nursing homes.
Basically you are setting your sights too low. :) Junior Prom may feel like the most important damn thing in the entire world to you. Guess what. There are millions of girls your age in this world who can't even imagine the great good fortune you have of being able to get an education. Junior prom to them would be just a distraction.
Donate your dress to one of those organizations that help the lesser privileged to enjoy some nice things and organize your own event for your closest friends who aren't going. Create your own fun.
What should you do? Open your eyes and dream bigger.
I can barely remember Junior Prom. It's just not that important, in the greater scheme of your life. Really and truly.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 think about all the very popular people. The folks at the very top... THEY have peaked already. PEAKING IN HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BEST THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE...
You have your whole life ahead of you and in the long run you will be more balanced and happier later in life.
Your parents will not be disappointed if you don't go to JR prom. If you don't want to go with your friends, then don't go. NO one died from missing a prom.
...............................
A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (17 February 2014):
 WiseOwl said it best. You are not invisible. And high school is a social construct that will soon end. The real world isn't like that. College isn't even like that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): The most popular people have outgoing personalities. Girls who put a lot of work into their appearance get noticed.
Shy girls get overlooked; because they keep a low profile and allow the popular girls to take center-stage. They are intimidated by those girls, instead of focusing on the boys.
So while you're dressing-down, walking with your eyes lowered to the floor, and avoiding any activity that requires you to stand out. You get missed or over-looked.
You're not invisible. You're hiding. Avoiding ridicule, or afraid to be noticed. Letting a few snobs set the standard and allowing them the power to relegate you to less than nothing. They become leaders based only on their looks?
Does achievement fit in there somewhere? What about smarter people, talented people, and creative people? They're not all the bold and the beautiful. There the ones who'll shape and change our world. Not all the doll-faces.
You don't have to be beautiful to be noticed or popular. Just friendly, confident, and somewhat outgoing. You have to make yourself visible by being an active student.
You never join clubs, or participate in any student activities. You limit your visibility to class, and otherwise hide in the shadows. You try to blend into the crowd, or get lost in the hub. Never doing anything to standout and be seen.
Who's fault is that?
I know in my heart of hearts, there is some nice guy who has had his eye on you, and you don't give him the time of day. He may have said hi or something. You just looked through him like he was invisible. You think he's a geek or a nerd. He's nothing special like the jocks; so he's not in your line of vision.
He's average (but not ugly), not in the popular scene, and you ignore him. As if he isn't alive. So he will never approach you. Everyone focuses on the popular and the pretty. Even ignoring people who are in their own league!
Idolizing the famous, and contributing to the lowering of their own self-esteem. That is so lame and pathetic!
When did ordinary regular-looking kids become totally invisible, or outcasts in high school?
The average person is just average-looking, and outnumber above-average looking people. The beautiful are in the small percentile. So doesn't that increase the odds of average-looking people going to the prom? Do the math!
Who gets to decide if you're beautiful or handsome? Where do you start? Do they have a trials or try-outs of who gets to go to prom, and who doesn't? Has it changed that much?
Is there a big vote?
Why does somebody else have to make the first move and ask you?
Is it 100% certain you will be shot down and rejected if you ask a boy?
Boys are scared to ask; because they're scared to be turned down. Girls don't ask, waiting for boys to ask!
Seriously?!!
Is there some kind of "shyness" epidemic overtaking the world?
Are ordinary people going out of style, and becoming hermits? Are they becoming extinct?
Update me!
I bet by the end of this paragraph, a light-bulb is going to go off in your head. A certain boy's face is going to pop up in your mind. You've rolled your eyes and wrote him off. That's your prom-date young lady. Not even the most plain girl goes completely unnoticed. There is somebody who notices her and likes her.
You're not even plain, you're just too low-key.
Scope the halls and find a friendly and familiar boy's face. Someone easy-going and approachable. Ask him if he has a prom-date. Tell him you'd be his date; if he'd like you to be.
If you had to be popular and beautiful to go to the prom, there probably wouldn't be much attendance.
Only a small percentage get to be popular, and even smaller percentage are really that good-looking. The rest have to be fans and admirers, or haters.
Is everyone in school popular accept you?
Stop exaggerating.
If a boy doesn't ask you to the prom, you ask ask a boy. If he says no, you ask somebody else.
You aren't letting your parents down. They only want you to have the experience. They hope you want to go.
You won't be letting them down, you'll be letting yourself down. Your friends could be lying that they're not going. Don't let them steal your opportunity; because they give up. Don't be a follower.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anellina  +, writes (17 February 2014):
Hey dear,
Well i know exactly how you feel since High school was pretty much like that for me too...
The thing is... now it might seem like a huge deal not having your First kiss etc. yet but it's not that bad... i survived High school without a First kiss, without a boyfriend and with no friends at all. you can do it too... and that's the worst case scenario. because these things change in a matter of seconds. one moment, one word or one glance can change all this... but even if it doesn't, you still have college to have the best time of your life.
if you want some changes fast, try to stand out more... but do so while being yourself and in a classy way.
Basically, be yourself and get out of your comfort zone to get to know some new people you find interesting because they might find you interesting too :)
...............................
|
