A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend sent me a message two days ago asking why i had been so quiet with him recently and he knows i find it difficult to express my feelings face to face so he said to tell him in a message. So i did. I told him that i feel like i cant live up to his idea of a perfect girlfriend which he believes is someone who has a great body and is not shy to try anything in the bedroom, teases him with strip teases and walks about the house in sexy underwear etc etc - basically someone who is really confident in themselves. Now this is soooo not me. i know he watches a lot of porn so he wants someone to be like a porn actress as in being really confident in the bedroom. Me on the other hand has some serious insecurity issues which he has known about since we first got together (over 2 years ago)and i have improved a lot but i still feel really insecure about my body and i know he loves me but i dont like walking about naked. i am also not very confident in the bedroom but am improving on this and compared to how i was a year ago ive definately improved 100%anyyyway i told him all this and just said that i worry i disappoint him. He never replied. its now been more than a day and he hasnt brought the subject up. he hasnt acted any different around me but just hasnt mentioned it. did i do the right thing in telling him? should i bring it up first or wait for him tothanks
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 Did he actually TELL you that is his idea of the perfect girlfriend, or is that simply what you think he thinks? There's a huge difference between the two. If he didn't tell you that, he may be completely confused by what you said and he has no idea how to address it.
You've been together for two years. He obviously sees something in you that he likes very much. If he wanted a girlfriend that walked around naked and did all those things you don't do he would have gone out and found her. People don't stay with other people they don't like, you know?
I think you should focus on accepting yourself the way you are, for both of your sakes. You will be happier in your own skin and he will be happier with a woman who loves and respects herself just the way that she is. There's nothing sexier than that BTW.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 You did the right thing!! Honesty is always the way to go. You can't be at fault about how you feel........those ARE your feelings. Keep in mind however that this may not be how he thinks. You are insecure just like the rest of of for reasons your mentioned but often times guys look at strippers and porn as a way to escape reality........it's a fantasy world that many do NOT wish to turn into realiy. Many men want to look at and play with slutty girls but they want a girlfriend/wife to be like yourself. Many men wouldn't even consider dating an ex stripper, porn star, etc........they want a good girl. Honey you did the right thing. Communication is very important, it's great that you told him how you feel, he will respect you more then if you were to try to behave like someone you think he would like.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 November 2009):
Very much so you did the right thing. You're not a porn star, you're different. Young men are bombarded with images of what a woman supposedly looks like, so when they actually do see a real women, they don't understand that it is the actresses that are the lie. He didn't know that real women simply don't behave like those women in porn films, and has obviously mixed it all up in his mind. You're actually very typical of today's woman. You're underconfident and not all secure about your body, and you have rules in the bedroom that you won't break. He has to accept you for who you are, not someone he wants you to be. You probably could do to build up your own confidence but you should never change who you are. Yes, you did the right thing.
He is most likely sat home confused and unable to think of what to say to you. I think it would be a shame if you split over this, because it's not really a big deal. You could wait, but if he doesn;t understand, or thinks you're attacking him (which I know you're not), then his ego will be feeling a bit bruised. I would suggest that you try to talk to him, to explain you do love him, but that you want him to love you for who you are. Try speaking to him.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Being Honest is always the right thing to do. He will respect your honesty and perhaps he is speechless at the moment but my guess is that if he is an honest type of guy and he loves you that he is trying to figure out a way to give you more confidence and to give you that courage.
You've come a long way and when you love someone and they love you back, that is the best kind of love making you will ever experience. You've been working on doing better and eventually the two of you will be perfect....
Don't worry. He respects you for your honesty. I know this.
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