A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay. I'm 14 and I'm in love with one of my best friends (guy). He knows and he says he loves me too. I have known him for ages and we went out for a while too. Then we decided to just be best friends again but we are what he calls ' fuck buddies ' and he has asked me if I will have sex with him and give him a hand job. I accepted cos I do love him and I don't want to let him down but I can't tell him how scared I am or that when it comes to it I haven't really got much idea on how to do any of it. Please help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Slow it right down... Love is a easy word for a guy when his hormons are running high... It's easyer for the guy, he can basically walk away. It's a Men from Mars & Women from Venus, type of thing, two different meanings.
Don't be pushed into anything too soon, it's your body and your life.
A
female
reader, Whoa Baby! +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Well if your scared your not ready. & if he was your bestfriend he would'nt be using you like that. Me and my bestfriend (guy) has discussed about having sex but that would totally ruin the relationship. And he understood me, & I understood him. Don't do it. Wait a little longer.
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (23 October 2010):
 You love him. You can't make him love you by letting him use you like this. You're scared and so you're obviously not ready. Please, don't do it. If he really cared for you, you two would be in a relationship or a friendship without the need of sex. What happens after he gets what he wants? You have sex with him and then one day, he'll say, "Thanks, I really liked this but I have a girlfriend now." Or, you log unto facebook and see pics of him and another girl. You can't be mad then, you were only a "fuck buddy" so he's not cheating on you and you accepted to be used this way. Sex is serious. If you get pregnant, can you even count on him to stand by you? Tell him you can't, you're not ready. If he's decent, he'll accept your wishes. If you go through this, there will be a world of hurt honey. Deep down, you know what's right. Wait for someone who truly loves you, not a cute boy whose only after your body-not your mind or soul.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): Wooooh,
Slow down there chickie. This boy wants to totally use you, you need to not do anything with him. Let him use some other poor victim with low self esteem to satisfy his stupid boyish needs!!! Besides, even if you were older, like old enough for sex, which you are NOT, you have to think about your friend. Which, in the long run, which friendship will be more valuable to you?? You friend, of course, boys will come and go your whole life. You need to just stop and think about what he is asking you to do. Does that sound like love to you? Does that sound like respect to you? What if your friend finds out as well, then what? This is what, he will blow you off, she will call you very bad names, n spread them around school. Then you will have neither of them. Be smart and stay away from that boy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): You absolutely do not want to get involved in a friends with benefits situation, and you've already outlined exactly why:
1. You like him (are in love with him).
2. You are scared.
3. You want to make him like you.
First of all, being in this physical no-attachments relationship with your male friend is only going to make what you're feeling now into an even larger, more scary emotional roller coaster. Secondly, if you are scared of what will happen when you do this or are feeling reluctant at all, you simply shouldn't do it. Sex is something that is better enjoyed when it's appreciated from both sides, when both people deeply care about the other person. Your male friend would be using you for sex in this situation, and if he cared about you at all, he wouldn't risk your friendship for his sexual desires.
Lastly, friends-with-benefits situations rarely, if ever, end in a relationship. So no matter how much you might hope that this will make him more connected to you, it won't.
Please make the right choice here. There are so many emotional repercussions of being in a friends-with-benefits situation, and I don't think they are something anyone can handle with grace. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 You are far too young to get involved in such an intricate web of emotion and physical closeness. Being a teenager, there is already more emotion that you can handle. I know you probably feel strongly about him but I suggest that you let him down about things such as these. If there is any chance of a REAL relationship between you, he will respect your wishes and put you before his sexual needs.
I hope that helps.
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