A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Over email, a guy asked me to go out with him on day xyz. I replied, said yes that day sounds good. It has been five days and I haven't gotten his reply confirming the date and time with me.I know he can be busy or had an emergency but reply to email is part of his job requirement and there is no way it takes him so long to drop a few lines, say "I will see you at 6pm" or simply ask for my phone number so we can figure out the details.It is only 2 days away from the original date he proposed and I agreed to, but since I haven't heard from him, I want to go out with my female friends instead. Dear aunts and uncles, will it be rude if I cancel the date and I just tell him I have made other plans when he contacts me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, brott  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 Just the male perspective here... someone may have given him some "advice" that he should play it cool. It seems a bit odd, but sometimes guys don't want to come on too strong, or seem too serious.
If you decide to keep the date, I'm sure you will find out soon enough whether he does like you.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 October 2013):
 To be honest I'd say he is not that interested - if he was he would have been in touch to arrange a date by now, and he would have taken your number on the night you met as well.
I think he was chatting to you for so long that he felt he should ask to meet you again, just to be polite - and he probably had no intentions of actually following through with it.
Forget about him and move on, less than 24 hours notice is not enough to give someone when you are supposed to be taking them out on a date. He probably wont be in touch anyway, so I wouldnt wait any longer for him to contact you. As you said, he read your email as soon as you sent it therefore he has deliberately ignored you for 5 days. There is no clearer sign that he is not interested than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI met him from a young professional gathering. We are both new to the town and don't know many people. I was one of the few girls at the event and he spoke to me for a long time.
He later added me online but never asked for my number. He saw two other guys got my number at the event though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I would tell him you have made other plans because you didn't hear back from him..
Asking someone to go out on a date and leave it open to let's say Saturday, but no time and no place is NOT a conformed date.
YES, he should have gotten back to you as soon as he read your reply and either ASKED you what time to pick you up or tell you a time to meet and where.
Personally, I would presume (like you are) that he isn't that keen.
May I ask where you know him from? How he has your e-mail and not phone number?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Btw, if he happens to contact you because he, for whatever reason, thinks the date is actually on (he must be very aloof if so), then agree to meet him at said day, but at whatever time you are available. Maybe 6pm you are busy now. His loss for not agreeing to a time. Meet him at 1pm instead for example.. It's not that tricky. But do no, under any circumstance, hold the entire day off in the hopes that he will contact you. Because right now it sounds like he's going to "forget" about the date...
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 October 2013):
Make other plans. You and him didn't set a date or agree to anything. He suggested something, you were positive to the suggestion, but concrete plans were not made. You wouldn't be canceling anything, and it is ridiculous to think you should sit by the phone eagerly waiting his call... No, go out with your friends, and don't even bother sending him a message to inform him so.
If he contacts you again, take it from there. He could have a good excuse. If not, maybe he isn't someone worth spending your time on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy email indicator actually shows that he saw my reply a couple minutes after I sent it but it took him over 5 days to respond to it....hmmIs he playing Mr. too hard to get, not interested, or people just do not reply to these kind of emails until the day before the date? Should I cancel the appointment to save him some effort?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey aunts,Thank you for your helpful suggestions. I am slightly offended by his action and feel hesitant to go on a date which the other party is not excited about (otherwise, why does it take him so long to get back to me). Or am I making a big deal out of nothing? Honestly speaking, I wound't have even realize the delay if it was just a friendly gathering. I think he is a decent man but I am only willing to go on dates with him if he truly wants to get to know me. Five days is an indicator of lack of interest even if he was playing hard to get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): Email him telling him why your making other plans- date not confirmed. Leave it upto him to get back in touch & ask for your number. I'm glad your not sitting around twirling your fingers and waiting on Prince Charming. If he were truly interested he'd make solid plans. Enjoy your plans with your friend :)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 October 2013):
It depends on how much you like him and how flexible your female friends are. If I were you I'd do the following - tell your friends that you are supposed to be going on a date that night but have not heard from the guy to confirm what time, and tell them that if he doesnt get in touch then you will come out with them. However if he does get in touch then you will go on the date with him instead.
This does require your friends to be understanding and not the bitchy type that will get upset for blowing them off for a guy. And it requires you to like him a lot in order to hang on and see if he does get in touch.
But I think it solves the problem - if he gets in touch then great, go out with him and enjoy. If he doesnt get in touch, then you have your girlfriends as a backup and you still get to go out, plus you know the guy is not interested.
I dont entirely agree with Honeypie as he hasnt given you a time when you are meeting, so no-one is going to get stood up as the plans have not been made. If he doesnt tell you a time and place then it would be his own fault if he's stupid enough to turn up somewhere when he hasnt even told you where to meet him!
All he has given you is a day, not a time or a place. Therefore he either hasnt thought about it yet and is leaving the planning to the last minute, or he doesnt have any intentions of seeing you again and is not interested.
So I wouldnt get in touch with him, regardless of whether you are cancelling the date or not. He needs to contact you if he is interested, so your best solution is to explain what is going on to your friends, have them as a back up and see if he is just a bit of a last minute planner or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2013):
It is a little rude to break the date, but it would be even more rude to not show up or wait for him to get hold of you. I would cancel it rather then tell him IF/WHEN he contacts you. He most likely still think the date is on. After all you said yes.
Let him know why you made other plans. If you are still interested in him or a date with him, I would let him know that he can give you a call and you two can work out another day. Now DO NOT include your number, HE would have to e-mail you and ASK for it or give you his. IF he doesn't then he isn't all THAT interested.
You on the other hand don't really sound that interested because YOU could have contacted him as well. Giving him YOUR number so he can/could contact YOU in case anything changes.
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