A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I love him very much. It may seem fast, but I feel that he's the one and I would like to spend the rest of my life with him.However he has admitted that he occassionally wishes he was single. We're both 20 and he believes its partly because he never expected to be in a serious relationship this young. I've spoken at lengths with him and he assures me that he loves me, but that he's concerned that he'll miss out on the opportunity to enjoy the typical bachelor life style which most of his friends are living.I love him very much and want us to have the best shot possible at a furture, but i also want him to be happy. Im worried that unless i give him the space and opportunity to live a single life for a while, he'll resent me, which may eventualy lead to him cheating on me and i dont know if we could recover from that.I have considered suggesting we go on a break fo a couple weeks. Giving him the opportunity to experience 'the single lifestyle' so he can decide what he really wants. At the end of the 2 week we could pick up from where we left off or finish it. Im hoping the 'break' will help him realise that what he really wants is me, but im terrifired of losing him completely. Anyone have any suggestions as wo what they think i should do ???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): That is very brave of you to consider letting him have his "freedom" by going on a break.
Truth is, and I'm sorry this might be hard to hear, relationships are a lot about timing as well as meeting someone you're compatible with.
I was in a similar situation, except dating a younger guy, and in the end, I lost him. We were just at different places in our lives. I thought he was the one, but I found someone else who is better for me. I couldn't imagine finding someone else at the time I was with the younger bf. You're both young and probably have yet to figure out a lot about what will make you happy.
I don't think a break will do much good in my opinion. He either chooses to be with you or he doesn't. If you let him go expecting him to come back again, it just doesn't work that way. You can let him go and he may come back, but you can't bet on it. If you break up, I'd prepare yourself for life without him. I'm not so much a believer in breaks.
A
female
reader, Sydnee +, writes (8 February 2010):
Dear AnonI Agree with Cassie M my suggestion to you would to ask him to consider either a open relationship for a while:this will give him the opportunity to live his life as he wants while remaining with him, however this would be excrutiatingly painful it's not a situation for everyonemy other suggestion would be to take a break, set a time scale like Six months live for six months as 2 single people and then resume your relationship, in doing this he gets a six month break to be single and then you can continue if both parties wantyou may find that after a break you're own feelings change in that time and you may see things differently and even have met someone else as Cassie says if one or both find a new partner during that time, it's something you just have to deal with Good LuckSydnee x
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A
female
reader, cassie m +, writes (8 February 2010):
it seems to me that your boyfriend doesnt share the same feelings for you. yes he loves you but being single would mean being with someone else, and would you ever wish you was with someone else?
ask him what he really wants, and if he would want a break but remind him that you will not be wasting time and waiting for him when you could find someoone that shares your feelings. A good and functional relationship is about give and take and you are doing both so just don't let him use you.
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