A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had a bad feeling that my new(first) boyfriend was hiding something from me.. for the simple fact that every time he got a msg he would turn his fone away so as i couldn't see it.. so after several opportunities to look thru his fone i finally took one.. and found a message from his ex (he has an iphone so what he sed was there too).. there was a msg sent from him only two weeks ago saying how much he missed her.. and we have been together for about 3 months now.. now i do trust him but after this i don't know how much.. he moved states so i know that he isn't seeing her but just this weekend he had to go back for a minor traffic infringement.. i don't think he did anything and i really hope he didn't.. but we had a little fight just before he left about him going and seeing his exs..but he promised, and made his best mate promise me he wouldn't get up to no good... and he has no idea that i saw msgs from his ex about when he came back if he would stay with her .. anyway he thinks i don't trust him so he offered to let me go thru he fone the day after i already had.. but before he offered it to me i saw him deleting messages the ones that i knew were to his ex.. and just recently ive seen him msging this other chick but i don't know who it is.. please tell me what i should do i really like him and he's my first ever boyfriend.. ive asked my friends for advice and they all say i should confront him about the messages i saw but i don't want him going off at me for going thru his fone..what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Boy, I sure can sympathize with you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was in a similar situation as yours, and it doesn't get much better. If he is hiding things from you this early on, believe me, it is just the tip of the iceberg. This situation unfortunately, will set the stage for you to constantly question his honesty, and trust me, it will haunt you!
If he isn't being honest with you now, he never will. It will NOT get any better, and it will only be much harder to part ways as time goes on. My suggestion: run for the hills before you become even more vested!!! You deserve someone who will respect you, and lying and hiding things from you certainly don't show much respect.
Good luck, and remember, there are plenty of guys out there who will treat you like a princess...do not waste your time with the ones who won't or you will deny yourself the opportunity to meet them!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told me that about a month ago that she wanted him back even though he lived in another state. she would fly over on weekends and see him and fly back on weekdays. it just gets me worried coz i do really like him and dont want to loose him.. Also he quit his job just a week ago and in that time he was pretty much with me the whole time except when he went home to sleep so we got to spend alot more time together instead of only a few ours after work. i just hope that ive showed him how i really am..
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A
female
reader, Sydnee  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Dear Anonyou say you trusted your partner before you saw his phone but if you look deep within yourself did you? if you trusted him you wouldn't have looked through his phone and this says to me that you dont really trust him to begin with whenever you look for something you will almost guaranteed find what you thought you would this is because of interpretation.you have no idea how the previous of these messages went and it could purely be that they are friends and he misses her as a friend having said that you have now put yourself in a mind set of oh my god he's cheating he doesn't like me etc. the only way to remedy this now is going to be confront him and admit that you went through his phone, chances are he will be mad but if he truly wants to be with you he will explain himself deleting the messages make it seem a bit suspicious but dont think to much into it the relationship is young, you're young if you can't rebuild your trust the relationship wont work and you will just have to let him go and move onGood LuckSydnee x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): u should listen to his friends and confront him?! what else do u expect to do, just keep ur head buried underground like an ostrich?
confront him and ask him about it. sure he might get angry, but he does not have the right to be angry since he is the dishonet one here. i mean, the only reason u even looked at his messages was because he always acting shady and suspicious about it. so confront him! and if he gets angry with u, just be assertive and try to dominate the situation. to be honest, he may be ur fist bf but this guy seems to be nothing to fight for. u deserve better! u shouldnt be number 2 to a guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): Sounds like bad news.
If someone wants to cheat how can you be policing them all the time?
The thing with a relationship is that you have WANT to be exclusive.. if he doesn't...what's the point confronting him? Just move away, protecting yourself from hurt. Don't break up yet if it hassles you so much... but make up your mind that you cannot trust this boy.
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