A
female
age
36-40,
*ackieP
writes:i am a 20 year old and my boyfriend is 31. we have been dating for a whole year and 6 months, well everything was perfect what any girl dreams for. its been like 6 whole months that our relationship just turned upside down. he calls me names very bad names ive asked him begged him to please stop and he just wont. now to this point he abused me, hits me real bad, his gotten arrested twice and ive been to the hospital once.i have hit him back to defend myself and times for anger for what he has done to me in the past. he already has a child and has been divorced. i dont have kids or never been married. i really, really love him, what should i do? i cry every night for how bad he treats me and for the marks and bruises i have on my body. ive never felt this way before. im so confused, he tells me that if i leave him that i never loved him, is that true? is me staying because i love him alot a bad thing? if someone can just please help me out! its my first love.
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female
reader, chrissies  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 He does not love you that is a fact, he does not love you, this is not love and you have to ask your self do you really love him or is it the fear that makes you feel like this, believe it or not fear can make you feel a lot of things that are not always true, try and go somewhere on your own where you do not feel fear and sit down and think very hard, fear can make you stay ,love, and believe, but real love for yourself can make you, strong, believe and stay believing, in you that is. This is his problem, it always has been. It is not yours and never ever will be. Leave it where it belongs with him. Start loving yourself, you have and never will have done anything to get this abuse, if ever he loved you even a small amount, he would not, would not ever dream off abusing you in this way. It s time to stop thinking you have any part in his behaviour or that you are to blame on anyway, your not and that’s that. You need to leave this man now and i mean now. Its a life or death situation, so you either choose to leave and live or stay with him and die, either physically or emotionally or both. Ask your self do i want to live or die, would you walk in the middle of the road every day and take such a chance on your life. I am sorry if i sound so harsh, this i do not mean .i need to tell you straight how it is and the chance your taking with your life. This i know all to well as i have been there. Please, please, please leave and stay left, there is a saying i heard once when really at a low point in a relationship like this and it is. "get busy living or get busy dying" oh so true. Get all the help you need round you from friends, family, police, anyone, take all the help and support you can and need. You also have mine if you need it. I have a lot of sources of help for this and you can talk all you like about it to, i will try and be of the best help i can if you need a friend. I know it s frightening. But what's more frightening living or dying. All my love to you my dear, dear friend xxxxx
A
female
reader, JackieP +, writes (6 October 2007):
JackieP is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to say THANKYOU for all the advice, it has made me cry and think alot about this situation im in. i really appreciate all your advice and help! thank you so much... i kept all your messeges so i can keep in touch. THANK YOU!
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (6 October 2007):
 Lovely, you HAVE to get outta there. You can't POSSIBLY stay in this relationship. You will find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve. I promise you. I've been in a similar situation and I'm living proof that you CAN live after this and you will be soooo much better when you leave him.
You're worth more than that! If he loved you why is he hurting you so much? the one will be the guy who will never make you cry but is worth all your tears. I promise -you will be so much happier without him.
He's emotionally blackmailing you with " if you leave me, you never loved me" you need to think "If I look deep inside, I know this isn't right and therefore I have to leave." He's putting words into your mouth. You are NOT to be controlled. You are your own person with your own mind and own thoughts. Therefore, you speak for yourself and not have anyone speak for you.
It appears that you LOVED the man he was BEFORE. You don't love the man who he's become and therefore, you shouldn't stay for second best or lower.
You're worth sooo much more! And you can find someone who treats you like you should be treated.
ABUSE IS NOT LOVE.
You take care and let us know what happens eh?
xxxx
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A
female
reader, towapa +, writes (6 October 2007):
 I think the only reason you're still with him is possibly because your self-system (sp?) is very low. You probably believe you deserve to be treated this way, or you're just simply afraid of being on your alone.When he told you if you leave him then you never loved him, he's most probably trying to keep in control and wants you stay controlled. You don't deserve this, no one does, pack your bags and GO. He's a dangerous threat to you, and if you carry on staying with him he could very well take your life away or could seriously injure you. I know it will be hard for you to do this, but believe me, you'll thank yourself one day.Good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, Clyde +, writes (6 October 2007):
Best thing you can do is get out of that situation, and i know you wont want to here that, and you'll have heard tis before but you can fall in love again and when you look back youll be so glad you did, i had a cousin in the same situation and now she has no regrets. You cant live with someone who would do that to someone and youll find most women and often guys will want to stay with someone even more when they are being miss treated, also if you let this go on and then did break up one day for what ever reason you'll find youll then be attracted to guys that treat yo like muck, belive me...hope you get out of that situation..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): How can you possibly love someone who treats you this way?
I'm not surprised he's been divorced - have you spoken to his ex wife as to why they got divorced? I wouldn't mind betting he abused her as well.
GET OUT NOW while you're still in one piece, and for good measure have him arrested and put away because that's all he deserves. Don't let him off the hook and refuse to press charges. Jail is where this asshole belongs, not in your bed. Forget his blackmail about you not loving him if you leave him. He obviously doesn't love you one bit if he does this to you.
In my book, any man who hits a woman is the lowest type of scum on God's earth. I hope I've made my feelings quite clear to you.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Hunny,
This is pure control you have to get out! Write down what the good points of staying with him are and then do a list of bad points..I have been abused like this and sweety its not going to get better, He needs you he is a coward you are his punch bag.
Leave this bully love he does not love you and you will be left feeling very low and for future relationships you are going to be scared to trust again. Please take my advise hunny he is really no good there is so much more in life than being controlled by some big bully, Your tears are not going to dry untill you are free.
message me anytime you need ok darling YOU TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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