A
female
age
30-35,
*ittlest.devil
writes:August, I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. He would call me fat then try to get me into nude modeling (makes sense right?). Also I was 17 and he was 27. He'd say I belong to him and other manipulative ^^^t like that. Anyways one day he took stuff too far I rejected his sexual advances and he put his hand down my pants anyway. I stopped him but never went to see him again after that. He knows I've been sexually assaulted before too... Anyway since the seperation I've had uncontrollable food binges. I used to be really skinny but now I see I'm starting to gain weight. I can't stop eating and i know its an emotional thing. how do i stop.....
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 If you reject a guy who is making sexual moves on you, and your unwilling and have pushed him away, you haven't agreed to sexual activity. If he then sticks his hands down your crotch, then of course it's sexual assault.
Imagine he's some strange guy on the train. Same thing happens, wouldn't it be sexual assault then. Because he's your boyfriend, he doesn't have the right to demand sex when he wants it, he can't grab you and use you like a sex doll.
HE DOESN'T OWN YOU, YOU ARE NOT HIS PLAYTHING... HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU IF YOU SAY NO.
Sorry, I'm so angry on your behalf. That guy was an abusive pig, he was 10years older, instead of taking care of you, he insults, makes you feel bad about yourself, and then turns around and grabs you and sticks his hands down your pants.
Your young enough to be my daughter. Your somebody's daughter, somebody's friend, somebody cousin, somebody's best student... YOUR A PERSON OF VALUE IN THIS WORLD. How would you feel if someone tried to do this to a woman you cared about. How about us, we are all women here talking. What would you feel like if we all said, yes, a man treated me like this, but I'm not sure if what he did was wrong.
Put yourself in someone else shoes, another woman, a woman who you like.. how would you want her treated. Do you think that men should be allowed to treat other women like this?
The reason why I ask you to imagine someone else, is because when we suffer abuse, with our kind hearts, and lack of self-love, we turn around and tell ourselves, well, I didn't like it, but it was my fault. Or, I hated it, but well, it's ok really, he didn't really do anything that bad...
YES, HE DID.. PIG!! PIG!!! (sorry for me temper) I hate men who abuse women and young people. Suppose he tells me don't touch me, and I ignore him, and force him to do things he hates. Technically women can't rape men, but there are some sexual acts which are very uncomfortable which will bring tears to his eyes.....
Sigh.. this is not what you need. The calm approach is better. You are a precious, kind hearted woman, who deserves happiness, kindness, love and respect. You were so kind to come back and tell us you found us helpful, many people don't do this, and it's nice to be appreciated... This pig knows that, he wanted to destroy you, so no other man would see your light and steal you away. Yes he hurt you, yes it's sexual assault, no he had no right, yes he is an abuser, no you did nothing to deserve such bad treatment, yes he will go on and hurt other women... Once a pig, you stay a pig, he needs serious therapy.
You, you will believe in yourself, you will learn to love you, and protect and keep yourself safe. You will learn that you are perfect just the way you are, and you will get stronger, and never allow any man to treat you that way again. Your body, your heart, your mind is your temple, and nobody in the world, no man, no mother, no father, no woman has the right to touch you if you say NO or express any unwillingness.
You will of course forgive my shouting. I hate that man for what he has done to you. You'll forgive me, because your that type of person. But I won't allow you to forgive him, the other guy or any wicked person who wants to hurt you because they will never have your beauty or light.
Hugs babes, put you first, not fair that some people are so nasty. :(
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 November 2011):
Oh dear, you done it now.. We were trying to stay as calm and factual as you. But your follow up has opened up the emotional floodgates. I'll be back to tell you what I think of them nasty, horrible men. You are an angel, you don't deserve the treatment that has been given to you. Hugs babes, you are precious and you deserve the best. Got to run now, just try to keep yourself healthy and safe.
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A
female
reader, littlest.devil +, writes (28 November 2011):
littlest.devil is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your advice. I'm still trying to accept the fact that what I experienced was sexual assault. Your caring words make me happy though :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 November 2011):
Yep counselling - What your mind and body are doing is trying to fill your mouth with food, so you don't have an opportunity to open your mouth and scream about the pain and hurt. Your repressing yourself and getting fat in the process. See if you have a school counsellor or any childline services in Canada. If not, check the internet for "abuse" helplines, and see if the can point you in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 You should read some Geneen Roth books.. "When food is love" etc...I'm sorry an older man took advantage of you and was abusive.I also think that some couseling is a good idea.AND check out Overeaters Anonymous...can you talk to mom?and as a rule at 17 don't date boys more than 2 years older than you...
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (22 November 2011):
 To stop the binge eating you need to concentate on the real issues and get some counselling.After all you have been through its not as easy as just stopping.
You have been assaulted befor and this guy is doin the same. August is not along time ago. speak to your doctor and tell him you want counselling.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Counselling is what's needed here. What a disgusting excuse for a man. Well done for getting out of the relationship!
You're eating because you need some comfort, you have been through a lot. The more you talk about these things, the faster you can put them behind you and stop needing that comfort (the food)
I wish you all the best :)
PS. Have you pressed charges against this guy who sexually assaulted you? Not sure how it works in Canada, but in the UK it is an offence!
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