A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend is 21, I have asked a post about her before regarding her child:(http://www.dearcupid.org/question/torn-between-love-of-a-best-friend-and.html) she already has one child who is 5, and she recently got together with (another) new bloke. within 2 weeks they were "engaged" and now in week 3 they have "decided to try for a baby". neither of them work, or have any savings. her current child is surprise surprise, supported by the state, as will baby number 2 be if he/she turns up. it is just so frivolous, with no care or thought for the fact that they have not even known each other a month, they have no money, and expect other people to fund their children just so they can play happy families. it really makes me mad, am i being unfair?thanks x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): Sometimes we have to accept that although we care about our friends, the way they live their lives and their actions are too difficult for us - and it is better to move on and find those who share our values and beliefs where possible.
A
female
reader, GettingInYourBizness  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 My family knew this one chick for the longest time, she was near her 40's and had 1 son that late teens.
She had a good job, had a house, a normal chick.
Well, she really liked this one guy that she had met and she actually got pregnant with his kid. The guy didn't stay so her and basically her teen son raised the new baby.
A couple years later, she met another guy, and wanted to start having a kid soon (they weren't even married, I don't think together even a year and he was really younger than her). She popped out, another kid. And around a year later, 1 more kid, and as of currently she is EXPECTING AGAIN!
She lost her house when she moved into the boyfriend's apartment, they now only have 1 vehicle, the boyfriend, her, her oldest son, 2 babies, and the one on the way are actually living in a 1 room hotel (and it's the nastiest ones in town).
All these kids were planned even though living in under these conditions.
All 3 work, BF, her, and oldest son but it's minimum wage jobs and they can never stay a float. Her son isn't even able to go to college, etc as they need additional income and he doesn't want to leave his brothers/sisters alone in this environment (even he knows something is seriously wrong here).
We've lost contact with her a long time ago, but still see them around town and get the occasional update.
Point is some people don't know any better and you can't change it (my mother would have talks with her long before she got this deep into this mess).
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A
female
reader, missmess +, writes (4 August 2010):
Your not wrong for being concerned, that just means you're a good friend. But , it goes without saying that you can only do so much. Talk to her about it, a baby is a big deal and if she is serious about it she needs to be prepared for
For worst case scenario. What happens if this guy leaves her? She is stuck supporting 2 kids all on her own. That's hard, I'm a single mother myself. She needs to not think about herself and think about the well being of her child(ren) if these two truely love each other they can postpone things and give themselves a minute to think twice about it. If they don't it could be extremely disastrous. All the same, be sensitive to what she has to say and when confronting her don't make her feel trapped and defensless. If she listens then great, if she doesn't you need to remember you've done all you can and sometimes people need to make the mistake to learn from it. Hopefully she'll be receptive to you. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): They sound more like salmon spawning.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (4 August 2010):
 You are certainly NOT being unfair. Look, you sound like a nice, sensible young lady - why bother with a person like her? You have so much more going for you. Your so called "friend" - not so much. Stay in school and do not associate with her like. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence people like her seldom change. Don't look for that the happen, for her to have a revelation and see the light and that you are (of course) right. It will never happen.
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