A
female
age
36-40,
*miley6122
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I dated for two years. After our two years came and went, I broke up with him. We were constantly arguing, and I was constantly wondering if I truely wanted to be with him. After I broke the news that I wanted time to myself, my boyfriend was crushed. A week later I started dating another guy, who made me feel good because he cared about every little thing about me, My ex soon found out, but continuously called me, telling me that he would wait around for me forever, two months of this went by, when I finally realized I still truely loved my ex, as soon as I turned around broke up with the current boyfriend that only lasted a month or two, I came out and told my ex-boyfriend the true feelings I still had for him, and as soon as I came out with my true feelings, everthing backfired. He never called, I would call him, and we could have a civil conversation, but he told me that I hurt him so bad and that I f***ed up. A couple weeks went by, and we hung out for the first time in two months, he kissed me, hugged me, and told me how great I looked. He said that the pictures of us still sit up in his room. He told me we had great memories, and I explained to him my true feelings, and he told me that he would rather wait and not rush anything. He does still mention things like "If we did get back together would things change?" When I ask him if we will just be friends or date again, he responds with "You hurt me, what do you expect me to do?" then he says "I don't know yet, I told you not to rush anything." I just need a persepective on all of this, I want to know if my boyfriend still loves me, any advice or perspectives would be great. Thanks.
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female
reader, smiley6122 +, writes (11 September 2007):
smiley6122 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've hung out with my ex quite a few times within the past month since I have made an update to my story, and it all comes down to lastnight. We sat and talked, it's already been about 4 months since the two of us brokeup. I sat there and told him that I'm scared to sit and wait for him because there is that slight chance that in the end of it all we wont be together. I asked a question. I said what if december 07 comes around and we still arent back together. He replied by saying that I will know if we are getting back together before then. I said but it has already been a few months, and he said well you made me go through two months, so I should make you go through double what I went through. So I said will I know by novemeber, and he responded by saying I will know by late october early november. He said his answer is leaning more towards yes that the two of us will get back togehter. He also said that things will keep getting better unless something drastic happens. I left it at that, but what do you guys all thing about that?
A
female
reader, tobme +, writes (22 August 2007):
 I am sorry you are in this situation! I am also in a situation alot like this myself. More complicated in my situation but there is no easy answer to any hot cold feelings in any situation.Only two things I can think of is hold on and wait and see or end it no contact period.I am stuck in a hot cold feeling point as well.My ex hubby and I have agreed to be friends as he doenst live near us.We have 2 daughters and only the youngest is his.We chat online and on the phone sometimes.He has said that this is the only "safe" way to be as we talk.That yes we are always and forever but I dont see his point alot.We are divorced and it was his wish to be so.I said I am comfortable talking to him and possibly seeing him as he was my home for half my life. 13 years to be exact.Doesnt mean I will drop everything and jump back into his arms though..I am hot and cold.To me , a sign that I am moving on just holding on to see what if.That untill I get 100% closure I am "stuck" alot like you. Loving him alot I did as now time is fading that. I still care for him a great deal but alot of damage has been done.I am just comfortable with him nothing more nothing less.That I have to keep to myself alot.Hopefully in time, you and I both will have our closure and be happy with these exes if that is what is meant to be.Yes, my ex has even offered me as a friend with benefits and I refused 100%! I am a all or nothing gal and I think that is what we should all be.Thnkfully I am 1400 miles away from my ex so I dont have to "run" into him ever!I hope you find your answers but truthfully only you inside will know what to do. I wish you the best!! Stay strong and dont let anyone manipulate you for thier own needs. :)
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Hes doing what most couples do when they split, thinking better the devil you know, stay in the safety net of someone hes been with and forgetting why you split in the first place. If he really was serious about possibly getting back together in the future, he wouldnt be asking for a fwb thing with you. But thats just my opinion. Alarm bells would be ringing for me now, that he wants his cake & eat it. Go out with his mates, then sex on tap when he feels like it with an ex. Its way easier than wooing a new girl, that he has to lead towards 'committing to'. Hes been with you before & knows you want him back, so can keep it casual & get away with that. No new girl he meets would stick that for long as soon as they cotton on they are a convenience when hes not out on the lash.
I could of course be extremely off track there, but if it was me i would say no, im not gonna be having sex with you, until you have decided you want us to try again. And stick to not wanting casual sex. Only risk with that is he will lie & say he does, and still be out on the lash & seeing you when hes got nothing better to do & wants a shag.
Ive just got a hunch that you will be sleeping with him soon, then back here in a few weeks devestated that you got played.
I hope not though.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, smiley6122 +, writes (17 August 2007):
smiley6122 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hung with him a third time, and we were talking. He said that we could be friends with benefits, and I said yea, but I dont want to be friends with benefits if that will be our title forever, he said no, but thats what we could be until he makes up his mind, he said. I said but what if some other girl comes around, and he said first of all im not ready to get back into another relationship yet, and he said and second if he was, it would be most likely with me. He said we obviously have an attraction toward eachother, and he wouldnt have come around and talked to me again if he thought that nothing could ever happen from it. Earlier that night he did say that he loves the weekends because he goes fishing and hangs it with his brother and brothers friends. I'm now starting to feel like he has me there when he decides he wants a relationship, but for now he's just enjoying his freedom. What do you guys think?? He also said he wouldn't have sex if he didn't think that we could eventually be something. What's your advice on all of this...does he care about me? Is he using me? Is he just enjoying his freedom right now, and wants me there when he wants another relationship??
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 August 2007):
Punishing you, is my bet. By the sounds of it. Hes annoyed about it & wont let it drop that easy.
OR he has lost his faith in love at the moment.
Just see how it goes.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, smiley6122 +, writes (13 August 2007):
smiley6122 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have an update on my dilemma. My ex and I hung out for a second time, we went to a park where we walked my dog, which he got me for the past Christmas/My birthday. We sat down on a bench, and we talked. He told me that he isn't looking for another girlfriend, and if he wants any girlfriend, he would try "us" out again. He told me that it is just a matter of forgiving me for dating that other guy, he said that he thinks about the fact that if I truely did love him, I would have never dated that other dude, and I told him that it took that huge mistake to realize how much my I truely love him. He said he will never know if I had anything going on with him while we were dating, which we didn't. I got upset, and he told me to come over to him, and he gave me a huge hug and said "I promise that everything is going to be okay." He told me that he still has feelings for me, it's just a matter of forgiving, and he said he didn't know how long that will take, he said it may take 2 weeks or two months, he doesn't know. We got to our cars, smoked a cig, and I told him that I didn't want him to go. Then,I said, I hope you forgive me one day, and he said, "I'm sure I will" We hugged again and I told him I would miss him, and he said he would miss me too. Do you think he will come around, and why is he giving this so much thought and time? I told him I wouldn't ever do it again, and that I will wait for him, is he just giving it time to make sure that it what I did won't happen again? I love him with all of my heart, and it kills to be apart from him and know that he isn't mine.
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A
female
reader, MiMe +, writes (12 August 2007):
 Hi there. i really feel for you girl. Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years, we use to be real happy and inlove, but now it is just not the same. we argue all the time and i do not feel as though i mean anything to the man anymore. My advice for you is to take a step back, really think from your heart about wether your (ex)boyfriend is the one for you. It sounds to me like he is a typical bloke. he was jelous wen you got with tht other fella because he realised wot he was missing out on hun.- Have you ever heard of the saying ''You don't know what you have got until it is gone'' well i think that fits pretty well where your boyfriends concerned. But wen u gave in to him and he knocked you bck, i do not think that was because he does not love you, i think he found it hard to be with you wen you haD been with another fella. Now all i have left to say to you is...GOOD LUCK! u go get your man...But don't let Anyone Mug u off. your better than that... make sure that if you get back with him--YOU ARE THE ONE LAYING DOWN THE GROUND RULES.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (12 August 2007):
Sounds like he might do, but also sounds like he was just jealous of the new guy.
I expect he sees you as used goods now too. Isnt keen because you shared romantic moments with someone apart from him for a couple of months.
I guess it depends how you feel about him at the end of the day, if you can see you back with him, you will have to go at his pace.
But if you were always arguing, whats going to be different this time?
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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