A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Last week I finished with my boyfriend because i dont love him anymore. I have been going out clubbing with my girl cousin and she is a lesbian. I've recently started fancying her and i told her how i felt on a friday then she told me she has like me for years. Then on the saturday we were both touching and texting each other. Then last weekend we went all the way and we have been doing it ever since. I really really fancy her. She is 24 and i am nearly 19. She asked me to start a relationship with her last tuesday and i said yes. If this relationship lasts then we really want our family to know but we both dont want to break our families' hearts. We both dont want to finish with each other because we have too much feeling for each other. Im just confused and im not sure what to do. I dont know whether im a lesbian or not. Please help I need advice on what to do.x
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clubbing, cousin, lesbian, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Until you know more about yourself and your orientation, I think it best to be quiet about it. You are both still young, and assuming the relationship does not last over the next couple of years, then keep it quiet for now.
If the relationship works out long term, great. If not, it will be hard enough for the fact you are cousins, BUT adding homosexuality into the mix might be too much for your family. If you two break it off in 6 months, it is better that they do not know.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Just wait to see if it's going to last or not. I can see where your family may get a bit upset at this behavior. This is your cousin. How would your family view a relationship, not just with the same sex, but from within the family (incest)?
If it comes time to tell them. I want you to spend your preparation time. You and your cousin sit down together, I want you to put yourself in the shoes of your family. You're going to have to ask and answer questions. Think about it, answering with (i think she looks good naked) isn't going to fly with family when talking about family.
The both of you will need to come up with every possibly direction and every possible question that may be tossed at you from those who don't understand your relationship, then you're going to have to come up with a couple of "logical" answers to each question you thought of.
Bringing something like this to family is a big one, so make sure your prepared for everything when you do.
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A
female
reader, dont_worry +, writes (3 October 2007):
 i guess you can be bisexual
dont be ashamed of your orientation
its a good thing to be open..
about the thing with your cousin
i dont know how it works for you
but its your cousin
you shoudnt do anything with her.. =S
i believe
and about your family..
well if you thinks its real love
it would be a good option to tell your family
so you wont be hiding and both can feel better
good luck
hope you can be happy =)
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (3 October 2007):
 If you are in love with a woman, then yes, you are a lesbian (or at least bisexual). But if you've discovered that, then hurray, you know who you are. Don't ever feel sad about finding love.
I'd be more worried about the fact that she's your cousin. How close is the relationship? Distant cousin? (I know I'm going off topic, so forgive me, but the family may be more hurt about that than about your orientation.)
When you're sure that your relationship is going to last, you should tell the family. But there's no reason to rush things. See where you are in a while and re-evaluate.
Good luck.
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