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anonymous
writes:Has anyone else ever fell in love with someone who you cant have? Either cos they are already with someone or they just dont love you back? I feel so alone. Im head over heels in love with this guy and have been for 5 years. Weve never had a proper relationship but we have been off and on "seeing" each other. I know he doesnt love me but no matter what happens or how he treats me I still love him. Even when we have relationships with other people, I still love him even if I like the other person Im with. Now Im wondering if its normal to love someone who doesnt love you back? And the pain is heartbreaking.
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female
reader, cupid2468  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 I have been in an almost similar situation. However, this guy is my ex boyfriend. We only dated for three months and I ended things because of a really stupid reason, and I still regret it every single day. The night we broke up he got back together with his ex, and I was completely heart broken. Since then, (3 years ago), we both have been in other relationships, and I am actually in one right now, but not a day goes by that I do not think about him.
It is perfectly normal to still be in love with someone when you are in another relationship. Once you fall in love, its hard to climb your way out of it. Love is a strong feeling and it can not be avoided. Even if you are not sure he feels the same way, you cant help how you feel about him. Love always doesn't go both ways, and when it doesn't it is absolutely heart breaking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): O yea..I have. I think he is my soulmate and I will never ever forget about him. It is going to sound crazy but I could give my life up for him. I fell for him the first minute i saw him; I told myself I am going to marry this guy. I personally believe love at first sight is the purest form of love. I just don't understand how do you "build" chemistry with someone? If chemistry can be built this way than what makes having chemistry so special?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): unrequited love sucks and is stupid i hate it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): I am in this kind of situation too (except I've never done anything physical with the person). I wish I knew what to tell you. I do know that even if this man never loves me in the same way I love him, he will always be there for me as a friend. Is your love at least there for that? Does he encourage you to follow your dreams to become the kind of person to make yourself proud? Unrequitted love may be painful, but it can be beautiful too I guess...
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reader, Ranin  +, writes (7 November 2008):
Hi Dear, Everbody have right to love someone who they can't love. But as much as you love it's the more that you hurts. True love is hard to find. however you have bf or gf you still have feeling which your true love.But please don't be let yourself hurt anymore try to forget him,Thanks,
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): I was, and still am in love with a guy I cant have.Its almost been 3 years.He liked me a lot too, but couldnt go out with me because I was too young for him.He now also has a girlfriend now.Even though I'm quite young, I know im never going to feel this way about anyone else, he's my "one" and i know it.Many people would say your only 15, you dont know what love is. But I do, trust me I know more than you can understand.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): ...unrequited love is indeed tough. Even if you're in a long-term relationship with children you can develop feelings i.e. have a crush for someone else. I've been in this situation for a couple of years and am in the process of watching this other 'someone' dissolve her marriage to be with someone else (an in-betweener?). I've just got to sit there and take it for the sake of my family. Ain't easy when you see all this unfolding every day at work. Still - you have to count your blessings, keep yourself busy and wait for them to come to you (assuming you've registered your interest). If you don't ask, you don't get. Treat this like boxing. Jab (i.e. register your interest) and then retreat i.e. wait for them to come to you. But don't wait for ever - get on with your life, after all, the most interesting thing about you is not the fact that you like this other person - it's all your interests and quirks. So don't get too obsessed - get out there and continue to express the real YOU. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): I think lots of people been there it hurts that as much as u care or love him u just can't call him yous that happen a lot with friends....but if there is in no way u could be his girl friend then don't think about hem and keep him as a friend but save ur self a lot of paine I've been there I no how it feels to care for someone u just can't have so hope all gose well....xox
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thanks so much for all your replies. Im so pleased there have been many replies as now I dont feelalone. The anonymous poster from 30 October however, I just wanna say that its easier said than done to just stop loving someone. I dont choose to love this man, I just do. If I could have anything in the world it would be to stop being in love with him. Its impossible to make yourself stop loving someone. So youre wrong that you say "a self-respecting individual would never love someone who does not love you back". YOU CANNOT HELP WHO YOU FALL FOR. Yes,a self-respecting individual would reliase that this person does not love them back and try to move on with their life and leave them alone. However, they cant choose who they fall for and cant decide to stop loving them.
Also, the anon poster from 4 November, all I can say to you is be strong. I have had to go through seeing photos of my ex and his new gf as well as hearing how well they get on and like each other. I dont think there is any other pain like it. I tried to hide from gossip about them but in my small town its impossible plus the longer I tried to ignore it the more it would hurt when I eventually did hear. So now I just live normally, and not avoiding places he might be or not seeing mutual friends because Im scared they will tell me stuff. I just take it all now. And yes, unless you have really good friends, I would trust nobody. Some people who you think you know are real b@*&£ards. But you should just think to your self now that this so called friend will only get hurt too, she saw how he treated you does she think that she will be treated any different? The girl that my ex went off with really likes him, however, I KNOW that he does not like her as much as she does him and she's heading for heartache. Its all swings and roundabouts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): I know how you feel. I've searched forever on this site looking for an answer, and I, along with many other people, have experienced what you are experiencing right now. It sucks, it really does. My situation is nearly the same, I fell in love with this guy who shared the same last name as I did, but I wasn't sure if we were closely-related, I mean our family's huge (who knows who we could be related too). I was 16, he was 20 and we've known each other for roughly 4 years before we even knew who each other were. But me and the guy both knew that nothing could stop us though...from having sex, from seeing each other here and there. I worried of course from having the same last name, and being out there publicly, I almost felt ashamed. I always wondered though, if it was okay to go out publicly and actually call what we had a "relationship".....It never happened. I could tell you one thing though. Trust no one. My best friend of 4 years who I trusted with my whole heart, she knew everything that happened with me and this guy... she screwed me over and started seeing the guy as she came overly infatuated with him just as I did with him. I fell hard for him, she fell hard for him. He went publicly with her. Why? I don't know. I can't say that they're both completely out of my life now, cause I still think of what could've been...I mean this only happened roughly almost 2 months ago. I don't hear much of how they've been, thank God, because I would probably be insane by now... but now I think that the only reason I loved him was because I too, thought I couldn't have him. Don't think of what you can't have, appreciate what you do have.
"You don't appreciate what you've got til its gone"
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reader, stupid_cupid95 +, writes (1 November 2008):
 Of course, everybody falls in love with someone they can't have. I thought I was in love with this guy, I was but it wasn't the kind of love that I needed. He'd be with me for like ten minutes one day, dump me the next. Get back with me and dump me at the end of the day. He cheated on me a couple of times too. Don't feel bad, I thought I was alone. Until I met my now best-friend, her bf did the same thing to her that mine did to me. We were there for each other. Until I moved. My advice is to stick it out. Ask him some question. Do what I did and sneakily slip the question in a random convo. like you're asking a normail question. But know it happens to everybody sometime in their life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): I think that everyone has had this problem at one time or the other. It doesn't go away as we age. Three or four years ago, I met a man on line,(long distance) we finally met face to face and BINGO!! We would see each other a couple time a month. After which he would find a reason to cancel out when we planned to met. Then out of the blue he would reappear, do the same thing all over again.I wanted with all my heart to be with him on a permanet basis. This was never going to happen, so I finally made up my mind to call it quits. To this day I know that I loved him,(still do) but will never be able to have him return my love. Move on with your life. Moving on is hard but it must be done. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): You're not alone...it hurts so much, and I don't know how to get rid of it...
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reader, yum yum  +, writes (30 October 2008):
 Yes its normal! he does not reciprocate your feelings, that can happen. The same has happened to me and I know its painful, your not alone. Nevertheless are you 100% sure that he does not like you??. try harder to find out before you come to conclusions . If he is not in love with you and does not want a relationship, I guess then you should remain friends however that's not always easy aspecially if your infactuated with him but that depends on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I think, when someone can't forget a love, what is not active, it can turn to be very harmful obsession. I know ,some people can make a whole life time of fantasy around that not -reachable love, and live a double life. They think about them,even when get married to somebody. I think, its just an ego game. As you get hurt , when someone refuses you, and yiu think you love , but really you just want something what you can't get. If you have a strong ego, you suffer longer. There is a lot of illusion around love,and it could be very confusing. Its not easy, to get out of this, but you can can only do it if you want to. Some people likes that feeling of living in an illusion. It didn't happen to me, but it happened to someone I know, and she went crazy. She is spending her whole married life in this fantasy, that once she will still get the man she couldn't get 20 something year ago. She went to therapy, and she went into really dark times.Nobody can help, as she wants it this way.. Sometimes we can't find fulfillment, and than we try to live in a fantasy.. Well, this is my opinion, I might be wrong,but I think love is real, not a fantasy. So maybe the best, if you try to go to the bottom of this feeling, and try to to do your best to move on, and find new and true love. I'm sure you will have your turn.. I think it will come to you. Best wishes.
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reader, mylassie10 +, writes (30 October 2008):
 Hey...yes it is very tough and normal. I'm 19 and I still have feelings for a teacher that worked in my old high school who I still see from time to time...he basically told me he had feelings for me too but we just cant persue it because of the situation and it hurts so bad knowing that we probably wont ever get the chance to try. But my advice to you if you know your probably never going to be with him is to cut off contact with him. It will be hard at first but its better if u dont talk or see him otherwise the healing process will never start and it will be harder to let go and find happiness in someone else. I tried to figure out why I still have feelings for the teacher and It dawned on me that I wont let myself and I keep visiting him and emailing him.So I guess I like being tortured lol Think of it this way...if he likes u in anyway or wants you a part of his life, he will contact you, if he doesnt mind if you guys don't talk anymore or doesn't try to keep in contact with you, then its not meant to be and its time to move on. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I think, when someone can't forget a love, what is not active, it can turn to be very harmful obsession. I know ,some people can make a whole life time of fantasy around that not -reachable love, and live a double life. They think about them,even when get married to somebody. I think, its just an ego game. As you get hurt , when someone refuses you, and yiu think you love , but really you just want something what you can't get. If you have a strong ego, you suffer longer. There is a lot of illusion around love,and it could be very confusing. Its not easy, to get out of this, but you can can only do it if you want to. Some people likes that feeling of living in an illusion. It didn't happen to me, but it happened to someone I know, and she went crazy. She is spending her whole married life in this fantasy, that once she will still get the man she couldn't get 20 something year ago. She went to therapy, and she went into really dark times.Nobody can help, as she wants it this way.. Sometimes we can't find fulfillment, and than we try to live in a fantasy.. Well, this is my opinion, I might be wrong,but I think love is real, not a fantasy. So maybe the best, if you try to go to the bottom of this feeling, and try to to do your best to move on, and find new and true love. I'm sure you will have your turn.. I think it will come to you. Best wishes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I think, when someone can't forget a love, what is not active, it can turn to be very harmful obsession. I know ,some people can make a whole life time of fantasy around that not -reachable love, and live a double life. They think about them,even when get married to somebody. I think, its just an ego game. As you get hurt , when someone refuses you, and yiu think you love , but really you just want something what you can't get. If you have a strong ego, you suffer longer. There is a lot of illusion around love,and it could be very confusing. Its not easy, to get out of this, but you can can only do it if you want to. Some people likes that feeling of living in an illusion. It didn't happen to me, but it happened to someone I know, and she went crazy. She is spending her whole married life in this fantasy, that once she will still get the man she couldn't get 20 something year ago. She went to therapy, and she went into really dark times.Nobody can help, as she wants it this way.. Sometimes we can't find fulfillment, and than we try to live in a fantasy.. Well, this is my opinion, I might be wrong,but I think love is real, not a fantasy. So maybe the best, if you try to go to the bottom of this feeling, and try to to do your best to move on, and find new and true love. I'm sure you will have your turn.. I think it will come to you. Best wishes.
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female
reader, Anonny +, writes (30 October 2008):
Oh and another thing - what goes around comes around - so he has probably loved someone he couldn't have also!!
Plus there is probably some guy out there who fancies you from afar and you won't be interested!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): We have all been there.I have a few questions that I want to ask yourself.* Would Being with a guy who may make you more miserable-drive away your loneliness?* After sometime you get so used to the pain of being in unrequited love.Do you want to live your life this way?* Love yourself.We stand up for cats and dogs treated badly.Aren't you worth so much more?* Touch your heart and tell me.Don't you know that he is in there for the "Sex".When the relationship is "On" again the first thing you do is have great makeup sex? Have some Pride and self respect.A self respecting individual will never be in love with a person who doesn't love them back. Kick his a*** and get rid of him.
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reader, Anonny +, writes (30 October 2008):
Unrequited love is an awful thing!! - Usually I become obsessed with guys I can't have or are interested in me but are in relationships already!!I think in my case, its the fact that deep down I am probably happiest being single and so go for men I know I won't get!!But yes unrequited love is very painful - but I think it happens to most of us at sometime - so I can sympathise with you!!
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