A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have any stories about cheating on their partner and being able to have a good relationship after? Has anyone here cheated on their partner, NEVER told them, and been able to have a healthy long-term relationship with the person they cheated on? Do guilt issues get in the way and eventually ruin the relationship? Or can the relationship last long-term (as in a good marriage)? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I cheated on my husband over 12 years ago. My husband knows about my unfaithfullness and although on the surface we appear as if we have a normal married relationship we infact don't . I think we live a lie and I feel our relationship is like a rotten apple, it got badly bruised 12 years ago and from that brusing it then deterioted to now being almost all bad! so my answer to your question is no.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): A relationship is like a house, and a lie is a like a crack in the foundation of that house. If you don't admit to the true severity of the crack and just try to pretend it's not there, it will slowly but surely break away at the house until it is destroyed completely. This is an analogy that my fiance first used when telling me that the most important thing in a relationship (to him) was trust. I believe in this analogy.
You have to understand that a relationship based on false emotions or false actions is not a relationship at all. It's a lie. Feelings that someone has for another can only be genuine if that person knows all there is to know about the other person. If a person has cheated and lied, they aren't being fair to their partner in allowing them to make up their own minds on how to feel. The cheater has "control" over their partner's emotions so-to-speak, by keeping certain truths from them. I honestly don't think any relationship - true and honest relationship - could survive cheating, whether kept a secret or not. Trust is broken, and the love is tainted.
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A
female
reader, CheatedandLiedto  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Nothing good comes out of cheating and lying. And yes, the truth always comes out sooner or later.
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A
female
reader, goodcharlotte4life +, writes (28 November 2010):
 well i think your question is a good one for me to answer, i am currently in a relationship and i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months, its not the first time i've dated him, i have known him for a year, anyways he use to be a bit of a sex addict, he cheated on me a good bit too but every time he cheated he told me, it hurt very bad, at the time i cried and told him that he should not have told me, but now i am happy that he told me, he is dealing with pill addiction problems and is trying to change. I've cheated on him too but i always kept that secret..until he told me he cheated because once he admitted to cheating then i admitted so we were both left upset, we worked it out and he has not cheated in a few months, our relationship is going perfect,, but...a few weeks ago i cheated on him with my ex(first love), we had sex and kissed a few times, me and him still have feelings for each other but i have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. my boyfriend doesnt know about that and honestly i do not plan on telling him, our relationship is actually going great for the first time in a while and i do not want to mess anything up. As far as guilt goes..i cant say i regret it too much because i still had feelings for my ex, i mean i guess i regret a little, i know everytime i cheat karma will hit, what goes around comes around, so be careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): I cheated on my partner but never told him, the fact i couldnt tell him made me wonder if the relationship was healthy in the first place because surely i should of been able to tell him if it was a healthy one. I didnt suffer from a significant amount of guilt but did experiance awful insecurities that lead to our break up. There is a high possibility that these insecurities rose from the cheating though. I believe it depends on the relationship and the people involved but i think 9 times out of 10 you shouldnt be with someone if they or you have cheated x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): I wasn't the cheater but I was in a relationship with someone that cheated. And I can tell you, even though you may never say a word, the other person will know. Women just know!! And it does often lead to resentment of their partner for not telling them, and hurts the relationship like a poison dart spreading slowly. Oh and one last thing, the truth always comes out, one way or another. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (28 November 2010):
 What do you mean by cheating?
My bf once had texts on his phone of a girl and him talking back and forth about her naked pictures looking hot and how badly he wanted to have sex with her, but it was never physical. Although knowing that he wanted someone else that wasn't me still hurt me very badly.
We talked and discussed why he felt the need to do that with another woman and we worked it out.
He apologized profusely and offered to leave for the night if that made me more comfortable.
I asked him if he wanted to be with me or to break off our relationship with each other and he said he wanted to be with me more than anything.
I know he loves me and he is only human. I have never cheated on him or talked to another guy in that type of manner, but I also have my faults.
I forgave him. We talk more and have a better relationship after that had happened.
He is more open and talks to me about things that we hadn't talked about before that time in our relationship.
I think that if both people truly love each other and want the relationship/marriage to work, then it can. As long as they are both willing to work on the relationship/marriage together. Because if only one person is working on it, then it won't work.
I don't think you can have healthy relationship/marriage if the partner isn't told about the infidelity. I think guilt issues would get in the way, relationships/marriages shouldn't have any secrets and if they do, then something is wrong there.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): How can you have a better relationship if you never tell the partner you cheated? how is the problem solved? the person cheated in the first place so there is a problem
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