A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend for almost two years. He's really great to me, very kind and caring. In the beginning we had a little issue with his ex because we moved kind of fast into our relationship without recovering from the previous ones. Because of that, he was still hung up on his ex for some time. There was some inappropriate messages back and forth, some flirting and such. To be fair, they broke up and got back together often and they flirted in between. But, because of some of the things that happened I am still not 100% trusting of him. Our sex life is lacking as well. I've caught him looking at old pictures of his ex, I know their sex life was one of the best he had. I'm not worried he'll leave me for her, I just want him to want me sexually.So, recently, I've been having dreams about having sex with my ex. (our sex life was great) I've never cheated on anyone or even thought about it, but these dreams are messing with me. I know I'm so much better off without my ex, we weren't right for each other at all, but I miss the sex. It wasn't so bad in the beginning, but it's got bad lately and I even looked at old pictures and thought about him a lot. I've tried to do so much to initiate sex with my current bf, but he's not responsive to anything new. He doesn't like any of the things any of my exes liked: lingerie, heels, role-play, anything. I've dressed up for him and it's like I came out in sweats... nothing. We have sex, but it never feels like he's turned on by me, just turned on. I've been getting depressed feeling like I'll never achieve that kind of passion that I had with my ex or maybe even he had with his. I don't want to give up a good relationship with him because of our one little area that is lacking (he thinks it's no big deal, me.. not so much) Please help, Have we lost our spark? I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 Why don't you talk to him and ASK HIM what it is that he likes? You can't just assume that every man is going to like the same things as the last.
Have you ever discussed this with him?
Sit down and talk to each other about what it is both of you want from your bedroom activities. Talk about how many times a week you both expect it to happen, and if its different? Compromise. Talk about what turns you on, and what turns you off, as well as the things that you both appreciate in one another.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): Sounds as if you both need to move on and meet new people, letting ex's creap into your thoughts is not good. You are trying really hard to make this relationship something it is not. If having a satisifying sex life is very important to you, he needs to understand and do something about it. Otherwise you will forever be questioning your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 I think that you both have so many issues going on that this relationship is doomed unless you both want to make it work and seek relationship therapy.
The spark already blew out.
Dreaming about enjoying sex with the ex,
and him looking at pictures of his ex
is NOT HEALTHY in a happy committed relationship.
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A
female
reader, Domolovescookies +, writes (24 January 2012):
 no offense, but you ask if you lost your spark?? I think you never had it. The beginning was better because it was something new. You need to find out what turns him on, if it really isnt going to work, then there is a deeper problem than just the sex.
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