A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm friends with a female co worker. we have had out fair share of fallings out but have always made up. as it was her last day at work, I shook her hand and wished her all the best with her new adventure as she is moving to start a new job working with horses.I offered the hand of friendship as I wasn't sure what it meant and how it works, I asked her friend by email whether she was still my pal or not, the female I'm friends with I mean.Did I do the right thing or the wrong thing?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 I'm surprised she hasn't informed the police about you yet! You really have a hard time getting the message, don't you? Exactly what is it that you don't understand? When someone says they're not interested means they're not interested and you are supposed to back off. No "friendship", no talking, nothing creepy. Please leave her alone.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 September 2016):
 I'm pretty sure this is the same guy that's asked this question about 6 times now. If it is, I'm very surprised she hasn't involved the police yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2016): You know it's wrong as you must know by now your former co-worker wants nothing to do with you. She blocked you on Facebook and then there was the whole "flowers" incident. You had to take time off because you realised you crossed a line. Your co-worker only shook your hand when she left out of politeness. If I was this woman's friend I would print off your email, hand it to her and suggest she contact citizens advice/the police for advice on what to do next as you don't seem to be letting her go.You indicated in a previous post you suffer from obsessional thoughts so you know that your way of thinking about this woman is not acceptable. I suffer from OCD, anxiety and intrusive thoughts however if I thought my behaviour was close to breaking the law I'd be contacting my GP and asking for more help. Have you done that yet? If not why not?Obsessional thoughts can be hard to manage but not impossible. There's a selfishness in wanting to continue on regardless of the effect you have on others and in the end that could be your downfall.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 September 2016):
 The wrong thing ,but you should know it already.
If I remember correctly, this same girl blocked you on Facebook or other social media precisely because you had been too invasive with public messages and this had got mutual friends / acquaintances to comment and gossip.
If she does not want other peple involved in how and if and when she decides to relate to you, or to talk to you or not, be sure that she won't be thrilled about your further attempt to get yourself a " go - between ".
You can't force feelings and you can't force friendship. This girl has been trying a long time, not too successfully it seems, to shake you off her back, because she just was not interested , other than an occasional, casual chitchat on the workplace, like a polite person would do with any coworker. If someone is friendLY with you does not mean they want to become your closest special friend, and if you try forcing them to get emotionally closer than they want to be, they will resent it.
Let it go- let her go. She is just not interested. Maybe she should be, maybe she is wrong, maybe she does not understand that she is turning her back to something good and that you two could have a great friendship- YET, this is her decision and you should respect it.
What does your therapist say about all this ? Are you still seeing him regularly ? Are you actively cooperating with his program and suggestions to get you rid of your compulsive behaviour and thoughts ? Have you been prescribed medications ?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 September 2016):
 She isn't and was never your friend, OP. You went overboard each and every time, so you scared her off. Leave her be and don't involve other people in this mess.
Please seek therapy for your obsessive behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 September 2016):
 Why are you asking her friend? If you value her friendship and want to remain friends, why are you not asking her the question?
Can you befriend her on Facebook or some other social media and stay in touch that way?
You sound very awkward socially and I do wonder if you would like more than friendship from this girl but have been too afraid to push for it?
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