A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help....I have been with my partner for 9 years and we can't stop fighting! We argue every day about sommthing - i am so bored in the relationship and i know he is too - we very quickly escalate into full hatred and he has called me some terrible names as i have him, he says unforgivable things that i can't forget he is subtly controling and i am of him and i think he only wants me for sex - i'm sure if it wasn't for our kids we would be split up -i keep thinking we never have fun anynore but looking back i don't think we ever really did.... i feel old but i am only 32... its like being trapped in ground hog day ....am i stale?...what can i do i have no friends or family around me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): Hello - I hope I can help as I feel very very much like you although I don't have children but have been in my relationship a similar length of time and am 35 and have very little family/friends support. I can only describe what I have done / am doing and you may find some inspriation from it? About 6 months ago I started to feel an overwhelming sense that life was "not good enough" and that I could not go on tolerating it and putting on a brave face that everything was ok for other peoples benefit. Parents, friends etc. Wishing I had someone else's life. I decided also that all my energy was going into either arguing with my husband or wondering about my relationship or his happiness - at the expense of my energy for myself. I am not saying I have cracked this nut by the way - but I have made a start. I am working on my image - clearing clothes out that I hate but seem to still wear, buying some new but not extravagant make up and doing some exercise. I've written down a vision of who I want to be and more importantly what I want to feel like day to day - this has kept me going and I keep weekly diaries because I can't be bothered with daily ones. I took up dancing because this was something I'd wanted to do for years and really love - it puts a big fat smile on my face and I'll be honest my esteem gets a real boost (Its Ceroc - I recommend it!). I've realised I put barriers in my own way and gradually I am beginning to see that there are possibilities beyond the stale rubbish that my husband finds acceptable. I have tried to make suggestions to him but now I just think - focus on yourself more. My point is that by doing this you are building a feeling of greater strength and interest in yourself and then maybe things in your relationship will become clearer - one way or another. At the moment you are not sure whether the stale feeling about your life is down to you or your relationship - deal with them separately and start with yourself. Make small but achieveable steps of progress - but set a time limit as it is easy for things to drift.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Hi. For someone who is 32 you do sound very down. What are you doing in your life? Would you say that you are relying on your partner too much for fulifillment? Should you take the initiative and start to bring new interests into your life (I don't mean a lover!). Maybe you should try this first because the alternative is to break up with your present partner and find a new partner but the same situation could develope. What do you feel about this?
If you don't have any enthusiasm for trying out something different there is possibly some other problem. Post again with some more information. Hope things improve for you.
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Having felt trapped too I can maybe understand how you're feeling. For me what it came down to was whether the love we had or didn't have was enough anymore. That's something you have to work out, head and heart. It ain't easy, That's for sure.
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A
female
reader, LilWun23  +, writes (3 November 2007):
ur right ur only 32 ur still young if ur not happy with the relationship leave it. if ur kids keep seeing ur partner and ur self fight all the time theyre relationships will be exactly alike when they get older and it wont be pretty
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