A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a college friend who after a long time got in touch with when I sent her my marriage invitation. Its been 8 years and we are in touch on whatzapp on and off and that too very casual chats. It was mostly she who would text me with questions as simple as "whats for lunch". When she went on a holiday out of India, she herself sent me her international number as well. She is married and has 2 kids. We would talk about our children, work spouse and that's all. On my Bday, I didn't even remember that she had not wished me and that was the way we had given space for each other genuinely. She did message me after 2 days wishing me and I did respond as well. Then for many days I did not bother to check her Whatzapp status and suddenly realized that she was out of action for more than 10 days. Again I did not bother. When I saw her online later, I casually asked her what happened and she did not reply. It continued that I would send her just one message a day for a couple of days, like "Is everything alright at your end". I got a reply that she was busy with her cousins wedding and work. and then she puts up a DP stating that nothing hurts more than being disappointed by a person whom you never thought would hurt. I am not sure if these were meant for me as I am sure I have not even spoken about her to any one nor is she a part of any of my conversations. Also i remember once when we were chatting that she used to put such DP's but used to talk with me and would tell me that she is upset about something which I never asked as I felt was not right to and would be intruding into someones privacy.Was there my mistake in this whole thing. I must admit that I miss speaking to her but and her abrupt behavior has upset me. How do react. She read a few messages of mine where in I wrote to her that I am not sure of what harm I have caused her if her DPs were directed to me. Also told er to ignore my curiousness if she i dealing with a bigger turmoil in her personal life. Again she messaged that she had migraine and was undergoing treatment. Seems strange.Please help my mind react to this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers. My wife does know that she is one of my many friends from school and college that I still keep in touch with. In fact this friend of mine was sending a gift for my son and I have even mentioned that to my wife who also gave it only that much of importance. Of course I have not discussed with my wife whats been in my mind post this silence of my friend. The reason for me to be concerned about this, is in need of a closure or an answer as to what I did wrong. Also I feel a sense of incompleteness if this is a silence due to a misunderstanding. While I am not upset as days pass by on the fact that we don't talk anymore, I am only wanting to know if I have caused a problem as there is an unnecessary guilt that I feel which I gathered fro her DPs which may or may not be for me. I have questioned myself many times if I had developed any ideas about this friendship and I am sure its a No as I mentioned earlier, I have not even bothered to check messages if it does not come for long. Its not like I am waiting for them. But I am worried if something bad has happened to her or has she got a wrong opinion or hint of what I am not sure of. I have asked her this in 2-3 messages and also mentioned to her that if your silence is nothing to do with me, then please ignore my curiosity as I was just worried. Also I have asked her if she is sure that she is upset because of me. Answers to this which came after waiting for a day, was that she is undergoing a treatment for migraine. I dont want to disturb her further asking the same thing but at times this flashes my mid.. what did I do wrong?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 August 2016):
 It seems a little strange that you're this concerned about someone who's just a friend. Does your wife know about all this that's going on? You seem to be extremely bothered about what this friend thinks and feels. I'm not so sure you should allow her to get this close to you and whether it's even appropriate. Again, have you told you wife whatever you've told us and if you have, what has her response been?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2016): Denizen has a point... but what I would like to add is that it sounds like you are in need of closure. "What happened?" "Was it something I did?" I have been in a similar situation with a friend and I understand the need for answers. I think that you should be very clear about your intentions, and write her a message speaking from the heart and very clearly stating your feelings, like you've done here. Perhaps she's dealing with a personal problem (Denizen mentioned this but the same thing occurred to me).
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (19 August 2016):
 Friendship is one thing but it sounds like you were living in each other's shoes albeit by Whatsap, phone, txt etc. If I were her husband I might think it a little too cosy. It's hard to say because we don't know her side. We don't know if her marriage is happy or whether she has a personal problem of which you aren't aware.
When you are friends you don't need to be messaging each other about what's for lunch. You can't make her respond if she is not minded to.
As for you, well there are always new friends to be made.
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A
female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (19 August 2016):
I think you have not done anything wrong. You asked her what's wrong so give her time to come around and tell you, IF she decides to tell you, what has been bothering her. Maybe just reassure her that you are there as her friend to talk to. And prayers are not a bad idea. It sure works for me.
I just want to caution you because you mentioned that you're both married now that I hope both your partners are aware of your friendship and they are ok with it. It's a lot harder to make friends without causing any misunderstanding but it doesn't mean it's impossible. Having friends are healthy.
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