A
female
age
41-50,
*hristinaathens
writes:I have been seeing this guy for the last six months on a free relationship basis. Since the beginning he told me he didn't want a serious relationship. I thought I could handle it, but when he didn't call for a week or so and then he suddenly appeared it bothered me. We went out on Monday and the conversation came up. I told him that we should end this cause I have feelings for him and not being in a proper relationship is more difficult than not having a relationship at all. He said he was always honest, which is true. Now I am crying all over and I am not sure I did the right thing by ending it? Maybe I shold have just carried on as many men change their minds on their own after a while? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Yes, you did the right thing. If you're falling for him (and it sounds like you are) then you can't stay in the relationship as you first designed it. You were both honest -- he that he didn't want more, and you that you do. So stick with your gut and work to heal. You won't find anyone to have a permanent relationship with while you're in a non-permanent relationship with him, so move on.
And, BTW, good for you for recognizing it and doing what you had to do to get out of it.
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (26 July 2007):
 There's only one way to find out. Call him back if that's what you want. If he'll see you again, then he likes your company, but don't assume it's anything but fun. He said he doesn't want a serious relationship for a reason. Maybe he'll change his mind, maybe he won't. If he does agree to see you again, after the first few times you go out, don't make yourself so available to him. If he asks you out, tell him one time out of 4 that you can't make it, make up some excuse. If he does have feelings for you, then this may help him to realize it. Be cordial after the missed date, apologize for not being able to make it. Let him think you were with another man if that's what he wants. Don't tell him anything except that you met up with a friend. If he has any inclination to not want to share you with another man, then jealousy will rear it's ugly head maybe subtly. If he doesn't care, then don't expect anything but a friends with benefits relationship with this guy. He just might not have the feelings for you that you would like him to have. I personally would move on. There's too many other men out there for the taking. Live life and love. You only get one chance and this life, so enjoy it while you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): I am in the same situation. I haven't said anything yet, but everyday I am fighting with myself about what I should do, leave him or keep on going. At night when I see him I am suduced by his charm and never get the guts to say anything.
My fear is that yeah it isn't a real relationship, but I don't want the full on see you everyday blah blah blah. I just want a hair more from the relationship. Being exclusive, and spending a little more time out side the bedroom.
I am a little different than you I am sure, I have had the nonrelationship and been fine, I think I am ready for more though. Good luck and I would love to hear a follow up to see if anything changes.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Maybe he would change his mind, but you can't be sure of that.
I know how it feels to ask someone to give you all or nothing. You run the risk of ending up with nothing. But, if you can't bear the situation anymore, there's no option.
Yes, he was honest. But, that is irrelevant to your feelings. You fell for him and wanted more. He won't give this to you. You were in a stalemate and had to get out of it. And, you thought he would give in when you confronted him with the option of losing you.
If he changes his mind, he will come your way, without your asking. If he doesn't, he won't come.
If you can't bear this, then, ask him to go back to where you were before.
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A
female
reader, xMiiSS-CALDERx  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 i have been through a very similar situationyou did do the right think it was better that you finished things before things got out of hand like if its a free relationship then their is nothing stopping him cheating on you with another woman. which would have hurt you more i feel you did the right thing yes he may change his mind if you carry on but he may still change his mind if he misses you. try confronting him just ask him how he feels and tell him how you feel you will feel better for telling him at least he will know how you feel as he cant change his mind if he htinks its over and your not interested in him anymore if oyu dont tell him how you feel you will regret it and he may end up moving on
let me know what happends x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): Its only natural that you would be sad over ending your friendship. After all, you had been seeing him for six months and even though he told you he didn't want a serious relationship, you no doubt hoped he'd change his mind eventually. At the same time, you thought you could handle it - and then after a week of not hearing from him, you found it really bothered you.
So, some sadness and maybe a little disappointment in yourself at realizing it bothered you more than you wanted.
But, the kind of relationship he offered was not what you were looking for, was it, and you had the wisdom to recognize you're not going to get what you want, and decided to end it. That takes some courage and maturity - as opposed to hanging on for a few more months (some people hang on for YEARS!!) hoping against hope while life goes on.
At least, too, he was honest with you and didn't attempt to give you false hopes.
It sounds as if you have the good sense and maturity to bring to a good relationship with someone (you will meet eventually) who really does want to be with you, and appreciates you.
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A
female
reader, marj +, writes (25 July 2007):
 If the relationship wasn't working for you, You did the right thing by ending it, don't commit yourself to anyone if they are not prepared to do the same. Yes it always hurts when you stop seeing someone you like and have feelings for, but it would have caused more heartache if you had stayed with a man who is not prepared to give you what you want.Look for someone who is worthy of you and not someine who uses you for his own convenience. Good luck
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