A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’ve given my sister the benefit of the doubt after she tried to kiss my boyfriend on New Year’s Eve because she was drunk but have I been too soft on her? All of my friends seem to think so.Me and my boyfriend had a party at ours with a load of family and friends and after a lot of very messy drinking games, everyone was pretty hammered as you can imagine. My sister was having a really good time but I noticed as the night progressed she seemed to cling to my boyfriend more and more and go wherever he went. As it passed midnight she was really drunk, my boyfriend was as well but still knew what he was doing to an extent. I saw them talking in the kitchen and she moved closer to him to try and stroke his face and he looked really uncomfortable, telling her no before she tried to kiss him, at which point he properly pushed her away. I immediately went over but didn’t go mad, instead I just told her she needed to go home. I was angry but I didn’t want to make a scene with everyone else there and spoil the night. Eventually I convinced my Grandad, who was designated driver to take her home.My boyfriend felt really bad about it but I honestly didn’t blame him at all, I just felt sorry for him and trusted him 100% over it. I knew he wouldn’t have led her on or anything and it was all her. The following morning my Mum brought my very hungover sister back round and we had a little chat. She was really, really sorry and blamed it all on the drink. On the one hand it did feel like a bit of a kop out but on the other, I agree that everybody does stupid things when they’re drunk (myself included). She’s only 19 as well so can be young and dumb like any other girl her age on top of that. I didn’t get anywhere near as angry with her as I thought I would, which surprised me more than anything. In the end we agreed to just forget about it and move on.And I thought I had; but on a night out over the weekend I mentioned it to my friends and all of them were really shocked. They couldn’t believe I’d been so lenient with her. One of them said it it’d been her she’d have grabbed my sister by the hair and thrown her out onto the street, she couldn’t have cared less about making a scene. All of the others agreed she’d completely overstepped the mark and that I’ve been too forgiving and too quick to just brush it under the carpet. Are they right?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 January 2022):
 Nah, I didn't miss the point Anon :)
I just wanted to point out that people in Europe start drinking earlier as the "norm". Not like American teens don't do the same.
And it was more to WiseOwlE's post
"She's only 19! She shouldn't have been allowed to get so drunk anyway! So, who's at fault for that? It was YOUR party! You're responsible for the sobriety and safety of your guests."
1. we really don't know just how drunk the lil-sis was. She was obviously clear-headed enough to corner the BF when she thought they were alone so SOME thoughts were functioning.
But with that said,
I highly doubt that the sister was "so drunk" she didn't know what she was doing. She knew. She just didn't think through her actions. If you read the OP post, "I noticed as the night progressed she seemed to cling to my boyfriend more and more and go wherever he went."
So lil-sis decided after a few to go chase after the BF and when she got him alone she went for it and got shot down. The alcohol didn't "make" her do it. She didn't "blackout" and chased the BF around the party.
She made a piss poor choice (partly - probably) because she was drunk and perhaps because she thought she could get away with it.
Hopefully, lil-sis (and OP) take a step back from the drinking to be really drunk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2022): You're missing the point aunt Honeypie. The issue is not about what is normal. I know that it is "normal" in her country and her sister is at the legal age of drinking. That is not what I am talking about. What I am saying is even if it is normal and legal, it is worrying that a young girl of just 19 years of age is drinking to the extent of not being aware of her actions. This is potentially what could put her in extreme danger. You can always say "oh let's just forget about this and move on" but the point is, today she's done it with your boyfriend; tomorrow she could do with do it with somebody else who could take advantage of the situation. She is your sister and if you care about her then you should try to talk her about looking into this drinking problem.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2022):
To the American Uncles and Aunties
The OP is from the UK - drinking is legal at 18. And in most European countries teens start around 16-17 and then start going to pubs/clubs and bars (and parties) around 18.
It's "normal" in most European cultures.
Just an FYI.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2022): Your friends are entitled to their opinions, but it sounds like the situation was already resolved, and to bring it up again to your sister would put YOU in the wrong. It’s wrong to tell someone you accept their apology, making them think it’s resolved, only to change your mind because others said you were “too lenient.” If you weren’t sure, you should’ve told your sister you needed time to think it over before accepting her apology.
On the other hand, I understand thinking you were genuinely over something, then overthinking it causing you to get angry about it all over again. You just need to keep reminding yourself you already accepted her apology, and find a healthier outlet for your anger than airing your family’s dirty laundry to your friends. As I’m sure you well know, people gossip and are judgmental (and often hypocritical.) I’m sure your friends have also done stupid things they wouldn’t want people rehashing behind their backs. It does seem like your sister is genuinely sorry, and now she will have people who don’t even know her judging her nonetheless, and for something that is frankly none of their business anyway.
My advice would be to not bring it up again to your sister or boyfriend. If your friends bring it up again, tell them you were angry when you mentioned it to them, but you don’t wish to discuss it again. At most, just say, “it may seem like I was too lenient, but my sister and I otherwise have a good relationship. I thought more about it, and it would be silly to ruin that over one drunken incident.” Then drop the subject for good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2022): Why is your 19 year old sister getting so drunk in your house, under your eye anyway? Why was she even allowed to drink to this extent? The issue isn't that she tried to kiss your boyfriend. The issue is that a 19 year old is drinking herself silly and is potentially putting herself into very dangerous scenarios.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2022): I meant to say:
"People usually consider [bypassing] the use of reason and restraint; and would rather opt for the extremes, before yielding to their common sense and better judgement."
P.S.
You did it right, and that's that! You didn't catch them in bed together, and no kiss ever occurred. She's only 19! She shouldn't have been allowed to get so drunk anyway! So, who's at fault for that? It was YOUR party! You're responsible for the sobriety and safety of your guests. You had her sent home, had a talk with her, she apologized; and that's how you handle it as a classy adult.
Now pull down the shades, and keep this all in the family. Don't cast shade, that's unsisterly and totally mean-girl!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2022): This is an easy one. This incident is between you, your boyfriend, and your sister. You overshared when you told your friends about it; knowing your younger-sister was drunk, and you've already dealt with the matter. There was no need to bring this situation up in any other setting. It was very personal, and probably quite embarrassing for your sister and boyfriend. No need to publicize it, and start the gossip mill.
She's a kid, and may be crushing; but your boyfriend handled it like a gent, and you witnessed it all. Why did you feel it had to be discussed with friends? How is this any of their business?
If you keep asking for too many opinions; outsiders will instigate trouble between you three.
What would an overreaction have proven?
The matter is resolved, you handled it with class, maturity, and wisdom well beyond your years.
If the situation requires any further attention; keep it between the three of you. I think it's resolved, and you need to move on. Had they actually kissed, it would still be nobody's business but that of the THREE OF YOU!!! Had that been the case, maybe a more severe reaction would have been justified. Why did you feel something that private was something to be shared with friends anyway? People usually consider bypass reason and restraint; and opt for the extremes, before yielding to their common sense and better judgement. You used common sense, but messed that up by oversharing. Now others know, and will judge your younger-sister for a minor indiscretion. Did you wish to expose and humiliate her? It would seem vindictive if that is the case! She tried but failed, and she was drunk! These are mitigating circumstances!
Keep the shades down on this, girlfriend!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2022): I wouldn't say anything more now. It's been put to bed and there are no casualties. Well done you. Going over it again at this point is pointless, but if it ever DID happen again, THEN you would be entitled to tell her she's no longer welcome etc etc if that's what you wanted to do.
Do remember though that sisters are important, often more important than boyfriends and maybe she just has some growing up to do.
You judged the situation when you were in it and behaved beautifully. It's SO easy for your friends to remark they would have done things differently and they might just be running their mouths. And even if they weren't and they would have behaved differently...who cares? You do you. It was a much better and mature reaction to behave as you did than how your friends would have supposedly dealt with it.
You've still got your sister and she obviously means a lot to you when it comes down to it. That's a lot more important than listening to your friends and their fantasy reactions.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 January 2022):
 This is between you, your sister and your boyfriend. Nothing to do with your friends. While they are free to give you their opinions, the ultimate decision is yours, not theirs. She is YOUR sister, he is YOUR boyfriend, so YOU choose how to handle this.
For the record, I think you handled it with class and dignity. Both you and your boyfriend should be proud of how you behaved. If you had caused a scene (like your friends suggest), imagine how many of your guests would have felt uncomfortable, perhaps even to a point where they would not want to attend future parties. As it was, everyone had a good time and your sister was not humiliated, which she should acknowledge and for which she should be grateful.
In your shoes I would get her on her own - no friends, no other family members - and tell her that you didn't cause a scene because you are better than that. However, she should not see that as a green light to behave so badly ever again. Tell her you are not going to make a big deal out of it because she is only 19 but that, if it happens again, she will not be welcome in your home.
Perhaps it might be an idea in future to not go quite so crazy on the drink? Not everyone can handle it. Your sister especially. As the older sister, you should watch out for her.
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female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (25 January 2022):
 Yes, she definitely crossed the line, but you don’t have to be angry and aggressive to be assertive. I think you handled the situation in a very mature way.
If it is still bothering you, I would bring it up to her again, and let her know that it is unacceptable, and that she needs to be more careful.
And I agree with Honeypie, she definitely owes your boyfriend an apology.
And I’m sorry, but her age doesn’t excuse anything. I’m pretty sure that at 19, I was wise enough to know not to play with other peoples toys
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2022):
I think you handled it with grace and decency.
Your sister is 19. She was drunk. Though at 19, she SHOULD know better.
I do think I would tell her she OWES your BF an apology for hitting on him. Drunk or not.
Your BF did the right thing too he shut it down once she crossed HIS line of comfort.
My guess is she feels comfortable around your BF and maybe even a little jealous that you HAVE one.
Still, doesn't make it OK.
Drunk or not, I think you need to sit her down and tell her how this is NEVER OK and if you CAN NOT trust her to behave you don't want to be around her with your BF and she won't be welcome at parties if she can not control herself while drunk. I would make it VERY clear that there will be no "second chances" if she does ANYTHING like this again.
Put her on notice.
Hopefully, she learned a lesson here.
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female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (25 January 2022):
No, they're not right. You handled the situation like a mature adult. She is your sister, not a friend so over reacting and man handling her would've caused more problems than it would've solved.
If your sister does it again then maybe react accordingl. Stop listening to your friends. Clearluy your relationship with your sister is important, hence why you handled the situation like you did.
Warn her about the consequences of bing drinking. It's not a good look.
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