A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:I was recently dating this woman who I felt very strongly for. Unfortunately, she was very insecure. Her ex had cheated on her numerous times. Anyways, she began accusing me of seeing another woman, which wasn't true. Nothing I said to her could convince her. She ended up getting very distant. I should note that we met on an online dating site. Anyways, after numerous arguments I found her back up on the site. I finally said goodbye (She deleted her profile right after). I really wanted her back so I called her the other day, about a week after I said goodbye. She says, she got hurt badly enough and couldn't take me back.The thing is, we were both really into each other, or at least so I thought. She returned my clothes that I left at her place before it ended but, she didn't return a piece of jewelry I gave her.Have any of you guys dealt with this kind of insecurity and jealousy before? is there anyway of getting around it? I'm sticking to the no contact rule right now. Anyone think she might come back?Cheers.
View related questions:
her ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Good plan. The less tempatation the better!
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (20 October 2010):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, you're right. I broke the NC rule. I sent her text asking how she was doing. No response. I'm deleting her number.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 October 2010):
Seriously man, dwelling on this like you have been is bad for you. I know you're trying to understand her actions, but really there isn't that much to understand. You know what her issues were. You know there isn't anything you can do right now. I know it sucks to feel helpless, especially when you like someone, but there comes a time when you have to move on.
It will be best for both of you if you do. Stay strong and don't break your no contact rule!
...............................
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (20 October 2010):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe agreed not to see other people, but she would never commit, and be my girlfriend. She was too afraid of getting hurt. It was really intense in the beginning. We had sex after about 2 to 3 weeks after we met, and we were talking on the phone almost every night. So we got really close to eachother, really quickly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Sounds like my ex, accept she left me for another guy. Yet she kept accusing me of being interested in other woman. I found out after that she had made a pass at one of my best friends while we were dating. Did she jump right in to the relationship with you?
...............................
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (19 October 2010):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous:
Have you heard from your boyfriend?
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 October 2010):
 You asked for my advice so I am going to tell you what I think about her.
She's got deeper problems than insecurity or trust issues. Everyone has been hurt by a lover unless you happen to be their first one.
She's on a dating site, she's looking for a quick fix to a broken heart perhaps. If she recently broke up with this ex she really needs to take a break from dating and get her emotional legs back up under her before getting into a relationship, so more than a couple of dates for her is not a good idea. She needs that time to heal.
If it has been a few months and she is still acting like this she may have personality problems. Some women (and men) have personality disorders and it is more common that you think if you go into a club and see 25 people, the chances are one of them there has a personality disorder.
Personality disordered people can come across as very charming and kind, but they are nothing of the sort. They wear a mask to hide their insanity and their relationships always follow the same patterns. Borderline personality disorder is the most common one, and actually females are diagnosed with it more than men and are usually easier to spot than the men are. These women are intense, they idolize you at first then they make your life a living hell, they play mind games, the devalue you, they accuse you of cheating, they can stalk you, they often self harm (cutting) or threaten suicide....and they hook you in on your emotions and jerk you around like a rag doll. Staying in a relationship with a personality disordered person will inevitably harm you psychologically and spiritually, can even lead to real physical illnesses and a relationship with one of them is very difficult to leave because they brain wash you and break you down and change your world view.
If you have this much trouble with a woman and you are just dating her, you need to stop taking responsibility for her dysfunction or for trying to help her or change her, this is your cue that she is trouble and you need to look elsewhere. Trust me, you don't want a relationship with a person who isn't willing to work on their stuff, is incapable of change and growth, no matter how great the sex is or how hot she looks, she simply is not worth it.
Study this website or google this web site shrink4men it talks all about borderline women and how to spot them, they are pathological people with an AXIS II personality disorder, you can read and study more about this on saferelationshipsmagazine.com this is a growing problem and whether or not this woman is actually Borderline doesn't matter, she may have enough of the traits to be dangerous to be involved with....learn the signs and how to spot them, they are very much the same across the board.
Forget her, there are plenty of fish in the sea that are not Piranhas.
...............................
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (17 October 2010):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the most frustrating thing about this situation is that I haven't done anything wrong. I tried so hard, gave her more attention etc. nothing works. Only time will tell I guess.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): well am not a guy but i know wht ur going through because am goin through the same thing right now.. my boyfriend is very insecure because he was cheated on by his ex wife so he accused me of cheating on him and that i like to flirt with every guy. he would not believe me when i would tell him that i have been faithful..he decided to put some distance between us and i had no choice but to go with the no contact. hoping that he will call and realize he misses me.. but all i can tell you is that dont wait to long it should not take more than a month for someone to figure out if they want you. good luck
...............................
|
