A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. Here is what is going on with me, I'll try to keep it as brief as possible so may omit some details. I have recently had a mental breakdown which started, it seems, with me getting extremely drunk and punching my boyfriend in the face and totally freaking out afterwards. His friend called the police and I was lucky to not get charged. I do not need anyone telling me how this was unacceptable behaviour, I know. I was having a breakdown. Since then I have tried really hard to take some anti-depressants but i could not deal with the side effects so the doctor agreed that I stop taking them. I am using homeopathy and acupuncture instead and hope to get back into yoga and meditation that I got really in to a while ago. My bf broke up with me initially and was devastated by the whole experience, but then I was so unwell and having anxiety attacks etc (I also had two weeks off work) that he had to come and look after me. We are now back together and trying to have a relationship. We still really love each other and I am feeling much better but things dont feel the same between us and I dont know what to do. I feel so terribly guilty for how I acted towards him, he looks worn out, my self esteem is low and although I do feel better than when all this happened, I keep crying. I guess I am asking for advice as to what to do next re my bf? I am wondering if I should let him go totally because it might be that too much damage has been done. I am not usually a violent person, I am very passive. I have also cut right back on how much I drink and the doctor has referred me for counselling. Should we have some space for a couple of weeks? Your thoughts on what I should do next would be great as |I really feel lost as to what to do, but please, no judgements. I feel bad enough. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Hi everyone, thanks so much for your caring answers, it was not what I was expecting at all! xTo the AA guy, thats cool. I dont think I'm an alcoholic but I think that I need to cut way, way back on how much I drink. As I already seem to suffer from minor mental health issues, the alcohol makes me go crazy if I over indulge. I am so ashamed about what happened. I'm surprised that no-one has told me that we need some space, but I still think I need to give him plenty right now. Yeah, he's a good guy. Dont get me wrong he can be a total pain in the ass though! I'm taking him to the cinema this wednesday. To Floridacatgirl, I am still suffering from depression I think but my problem is more anxiety, I get anxiety attacks. I am hoping that the gentle holistic medication will work better for me. I have tried 4 different types of anti depressant. The only ones that worked well were the sedative ones but I just feel uncomfortable taking psychiatric medication. I will go back to my doc soon though to discuss. Thanks again everyone.
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Wow, I think you've come a long way and are doing really well. Way to go!"I guess I am asking for advice as to what to do next re my bf? I am wondering if I should let him go totally because it might be that too much damage has been done." I think if too much damage was done your boyfriend would be long gone. After all the heavy stuff the two of you have been through why not take some time for each other by going to a movie or a concert or something light and fun a couple times a week. I wish you all the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): No judgment here at all!! I have been sober for 3 years and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself! I am an alcoholic though so not drinking may be kind of drastic for you! Lol. It might be kind of interesting for you to check out an AA meeting though. Google "AA meeting schedule ______Your city name____" and go to one just to see what's up.Anyway, in your case, I would say that you have an amazing man that wants to take care of you which is wonderful but make sure you're doing everything you can to make it easy on him by taking care of yourself!! You sound like you are doing that with the yoga, cutting back on drinking and such but make sure you don't stop since you are, in fact, replacing your anti-depressant meds with herbal supplements and exercise (your new medicines must be taken at least three times a week or when agitated!). Anyway, he can only do so much so don't rely on him too much on him. Try to stay positive around him and do something fun with him once in a while. It kinda sounds like you just got a little too drunk and are regretting what you did and it's confusing to doubt yourself like that. Just make sure that you know that it's in the past and that you have to move on with your life. If you catch yourself in self-pity, then look around and find things that you're grateful for... I guarantee you'll find some good stuff!! The most important thing is that you're happy so ask yourself what you really want out of the relationship, think about it a lot and take the appropriate steps to do it.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 You have been through quite an emotional ordeal. I don't think you need to break up with your boyfriend or give him any space. instead, you do need to work on communicating better with your boyfriend. Would he be willing to attend couples counseling with you?
Why are you still crying? This is very concerning. I realize you stopped taking your anti-depressant medication due to the side effects, but did you try any other anti-depressants? A good friend of mine had problems with side effects too, but she finally found one that worked for her. You should talk to your doctor about this.
Please let us know what happens. Stay positive!
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